In Tenebris
by rosa suscipit
Summary: *REWRITE*The Marauder's world is turned upside down and Hogwarts is placed beneath the control of dark powers, the friends are seperated and alone in a place that had once been home, unable to protect those they love and forced to face their deepest, darkest terrors. Pairings: James/Sirius, Lily/James. Alternate Universe.
1. Prologue

_AN: Ok, this is it. This is the right way to go about this story! Hoorah! Now, I do hope you enjoy the rewrite of In Tenebris, I decided to start it before the school is attacked, it makes so much more sense and feels better. Thank you for reading, I hope those reading my previous one will find this one easily. Any reviews are always welcome, I hope this version will flow much better than the other one._

**In Tenebris**

Lily entered the Great Hall, her bag slung over one shoulder as she rummaged around in her pocket searching for her favourite quill as her friend Mary stood by her side. She felt something tug at her sleeve and looked up, opened her mouth to speak but she noticed that Mary was gazing at something further down, probably at one of the house tables. Lily frowned and followed her friend's gaze, what she saw made her freeze. A large, round bellied pig was speeding towards her, squealing like a fire engine. She grabbed Mary and pulled her out of its path as it flew past, leaving a brief, stunned silence in its wake. Then, as if someone had given some silent cue, the whole room burst into hysterics. "What in god's name was that?" Lily exclaimed.

"What do you think?" Mary replied tersely, lifting her hand and pointing. Lily saw James Potter and Sirius Black stood on the Gryffindor table, holding each other and crying with laughter. "When will they grow up?" Mary muttered, rolling her eyes and taking Lily's arm, together they moved through the small crowds of people making their own ways to their respective tables and took seats as far away from Potter and his friends as possible. Lily couldn't resist looking up and over at James as he sat down beside Sirius and began talking animatedly to Remus who was grinning. It was breakfast time and the golden plates were filled with sausages, bread rolls, bacon, steaming pots of porridge and various other mouth watering foods. Mary talked as she filled her own plate, along with Lily's. "You know Gemma Royal, from Hufflepuff? Well, apparently she asked Black out the last week of term last year and he blew her off, saying that he had more important things to do than date vapid bimbos. Can you believe the cheek? He's always so rude to everyone, I wonder how he's even as popular as he is? He's such a dick."

"Mm." Lily muttered, picking up her spoon and starting to eat the porridge and jam before her.

"And Potter, ugh, he's so arrogant I really don't see what anyone sees in him either. I mean, yeah, ok, he's good at Quidditch and all but he's not even that good looking, especially not compared to Black. I heard that he's also shot down just about every girl who's asked him out, always with that stupid grin. Anyone would think that he and Black were dating or something."

"Yeah." Lily looked over to see Potter ruffling Black's hair, laughing so loudly nearly the whole table was watching.

"I mean, last year they got more detentions between them than the whole school put together and Potter went around bragging about it as if he'd been made prefect. They're so stupid and annoying, I really hope they get it together this year because we've got OWLS to study for and I'm not having my chances ruined by those two idiots."

"They're not as bad as Mulciber and those others." Lily said thoughtfully and Mary sent her a quizzical look. "Well, I mean, they're just a bit stupid, not plain evil."

Mary considered this for a moment before sighing in resignation. "I suppose you're right. On that note, why are you even still friends with that Snape boy? Haven't you ditched him already?"

Lily flushed a little and glanced over at the Slytherin table where Snape was picking at his food while his friends chatted around him, she frowned and shook her head, moving her eyes back to her bowl. Suddenly she didn't feel quite as hungry any more. "He's always been nice to me." She said quietly.

Mary shook her head pityingly. "One day you're going to regret your friendship with him, he's trouble. Worse trouble than Potter and his cronies. Trust me, Lil's, he's going to end up in a bad place." She lay delicate stress on the word 'bad', lifting an eyebrow meaningfully and Lily understood what she meant. Snape was still hanging around with Mulciber and Avery and many others who were openly determined to end up Death Eaters, she was constantly trying to get him to change, hinting that perhaps he would be better off without those friends but he seemed afraid to lose them, as if he was convinced that they were the only people (excluding Lily herself) who would ever like him. She sighed heavily, pushing her bowl away and looking up at the ceiling as there was a flutter of wings and a mass of different owls flew down towards their tables. A large tawny landed before Lily and she tore off the letter, she recognised her mother's writing and smiled before tucking the letter into her pocket to read later. Mary was still gazing up at the ceiling, despite the fact that most of the owls had already delivered their various burdens. "That's odd…" She said softly, frowning in confusion.

Lily followed her gaze and looked back at her. "What is?"

"Where are the Owls that usually deliver the Prophet? I haven't received mine."

Lily glanced around, noticing that many other students were baffled at the lack of newspapers. She saw Remus leaning towards James, frowning as he whispered something, all the boys glanced up towards the teachers table where, for the first time, Lily noticed that Dumbledore and McGonagall were missing. "Where are the teachers?" She asked her friend who shrugged.

"Maybe there's some important business to attend to?"

"Hmm…maybe." Lily replied uncertainly, somehow the lack of teachers at the head table made her feel as if a lead weight had dropped into her stomach. It seemed that Potter and his friends had also noticed the absence of their headmaster. She watched Peter glancing around nervously, Sirius looked up, towards the entrance to the hall and tugged James' sleeve, he lifted a hand and pointed. Lily followed his gaze and saw McGonagall striding towards the teachers table, her face pale and her mouth set into a stern line. She made her way over to where Sprout and Flitwick, leaning forward and whispering something to them that made them both go as white as a sheet. Flitwick said something and Sprout swallowed hard, her eyes scanning the hall and Lily was unable to ignore the look of fear in her eyes. "Something's happening." Lily breathed, feeling that lead weight drop lower. Her breakfast wasn't sitting well in her stomach and she wished she hadn't eaten anything. "Mary, I think something really bad is happening." She reached out and clutched her friends hand, they turned to look at each other, both of them beginning to feel the same terror that seemed to be slowly spreading through the hall as more and more people noticed.

The notable absence of Daily Prophet post owls had made Sirius feel decidedly uneasy, it only got worse when he noticed the teachers moving back and forth, whispering amongst themselves and casting nervous glances around at the students. During their first lesson of Transfiguration Sirius noticed that McGonagall was uncharacteristically distracted, she complimented Peter vaguely on his racoon cushion, despite the fact that it was still trying to drag itself across his table in a last bid to escape. She spent her time muttering absently to herself and casting the window dark, ominous looks as if it was going to leap up and bite her head off. Their lesson was continuously interrupted by other staff members, they came in, cast wary looks around at the students before striding over to McGonagall and sharing a hurried, whispered conversation with her. Occasionally Sirius caught brief snatches of words like; '…the perimeter?' or 'Protective charms…' he was starting to feel as if there was something dangerous happening and the teachers were trying to avoid causing outright panic.

"What's going on do you reckon?" He asked James as once again their lesson had been interrupted by their Astronomy teacher.

James frowned at the teachers back, licking his lips nervously before returning his eyes down to his un-transfigured racoon that was sat in his lap preening itself happily. He petted it's ears absently before speaking. "I don't know but I don't think it's a good idea to lose sight of our wands today, do you?"

"No…no I guess not." Sirius replied, reaching down and allowing his fingers to brush James', they clasped briefly, Sirius feeling James' reassurance through the brief touch like a bolt of electricity. He squeezed back, returning the feeling.

Remus looked over at his friends worried faces, he chewed his lip and sat down heavily. No one seemed to be in much of a mood today and McGonagall finally took pity on them, she stood up and cleared her throat loudly, everyone froze and looked at her intently. "Classes have been disbanded today, please leave in an orderly fashion and return to your dorms. Prefects, please go and report to your Heads of House. Everyone else, do not leave your dormitory's, for _anything_. Do you understand me?"

"Yes Professor." The class muttered as the Prefects stood up, Remus cast a wide eyed look at James and Sirius who could only shrug helplessly in response. The class began to file out, Sirius finding himself squashed up against James' side with Peter behind him. They moved as quickly as they could into the hall way and found it blocked by several other classes, all of them headed in different directions. McGonagall came out and began trying to order the mass blockage, they heard the squeaky voice of Professor Flitwick trying to help but were unable to see him over the throng.

"I don't like this." Sirius muttered, looking around at other pale, worried faces. "I don't like this at all."

"Neither do I, Siri, neither do I." James replied tightly, glancing behind him and sharing a look with Peter who was sweating with fear.

"Hey! Hey, Professor?! Professor, what's going on?"

"Nothing to concern yourself with Mr. Harper, just return to your House and stay there until given permission." McGonagall continued to deflect questions and, when her back was turned, James lifted an eyebrow at Sirius who returned the expression, ducking in one fluid motion the second James took out his invisibility cloak. They disappeared and only Peter noticed, he groaned inwardly, hoping that they wouldn't get themselves into too much trouble.

As soon as James and Sirius were out of the crush of people, they steered themselves towards a tapestry, behind which they knew a secret passage way lay. They slipped behind it, barely stirring the fabric before pausing and looking at each other. "So, where to?" James asked, smirking a little.

"The Teacher's lounge, it's where they'll be meeting to discuss whatever's going on." Sirius said firmly and together they moved off in the direction of the lounge.

They reached the ground floor using little known passage ways to ease their progress as many corridors were still jam packed, when they found the staff room they stopped outside it, listening with everything they had. The stone Gargoyles were looking around every time either one of them made some noise, they couldn't see them and they couldn't understand where the soft sounds of shifting robes was coming from. Finally the door opened a crack and they heard voices from within, Sirius and James crept closer, listening eagerly.

"…Albus has already confirmed it, Horace. There's no doubt that it's happened." Professor Sprout was saying in a sad, tired voice.

"Indeed, I heard it myself as he was speaking to Minerva. It's the worst case scenario, we can do nothing about the Ministry, that is now far beyond our help, but we can still attempt to protect the school as best we can." Their Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher said quietly, his soft Scottish accent making whatever they were talking about seem far more serious than Sirius and James had first assumed.

"Yes, the students are our first priority. For now, all we can do is stay here and strengthen the defences. He Who Must Not Be Named will not dare to attack whilst Albus is in charge." Sprouts voice betrayed her bold statement by shaking a little.

"No…no of course not, I was just thinking that perhaps it would wise to have some kind of contingency plan in place? You know, in case things get a little more…dangerous, than we first expected?" Slughorn sounded terrified, his voice shaking worse than Sprouts.

"They say that Minister Bagnold is dead? Is it true? I can't imagine that they Ministry has fallen so rapidly."

"I'm afraid that there's no doubt that the Ministry has fallen." Sprout whispered, her voice catching and shaking, she gave a loud sniff before seeming to pull herself together again. "They've murdered all those who tried to stop them and put even more to death when they discovered that they were Muggleborn. It's bad. Very, very bad."

James turned to look at Sirius, his face completely white, his hazel eyes wide and sparkling behind his glasses. Sirius' eyes were narrowed, his lips slightly parted in shock. Neither of them could bring themselves to speak, so they slipped away, leaving the sobbing Hufflepuff Head of House behind with her fellow teachers.


	2. The Darkness Encroaches

_AN: Yes, this is giving me a good feeling. So, another chapter. No action, just a lot of waiting around really and a teeny bit of mild smut because there's nothing more comforting in a stressful situation than being with the person you love physically (or is that just me? Lol). Anyway, please enjoy!_

**Chapter One: The Darkness Encroaches**

"What happened? Did you manage to find out?" Peter accosted his friends as soon as they revealed themselves, breathless and pale, from beneath the cloak. James tossed it carelessly onto his bed and sat down, pushing his hands into his hair and sighing. Sirius sat at his side, staring at the wall with a distracted frown.

"The Ministry has fallen." James replied softly, finally meeting Peter's gaze. "You Know Who has taken over and is moving on the school."

Peter sat down with a thump on his bed, his hands clenched into fists on his knees and he blinked at his friends with wide eyes. "It…it can't be…"

"It's true. We heard the teacher's talking about it." Sirius said quietly. "No wonder the Slytherin's are acting so cocky, makes sense that their parents would have told them what's happening in the morning post."

"Yeah…I did wonder why Mulciber and Avery were looking so pleased with themselves." James said in a voice that trembled. "Shit. This is bad. Really, really bad."

"Understatement of the century." Sirius muttered, staring at his knees.

"They've obviously got the Prophet under their control, they didn't have a morning edition." Peter said, chewing on his bottom lip. "What if we're not safe? We need to get out of here before we're attacked."

"Don't be ridiculous, Worm!" James exclaimed. "This is our school, I'm not going to leave it when it needs me most."

Sirius cast him a sideways look, some unidentifiable emotion passed over his face before it cleared again and he put his hand on James' shoulder. "If you stay, I stay." He said quietly and James gave him a grateful look. "I'll always be by your side."

"Thanks, Pads." James smiled and there passed between them some intense silent communication, something they did quite often that annoyed Peter but he never said anything. James and Sirius were closer than brothers, almost as if they were two halves of the same soul trapped inside different bodies.

"All right, I'll stay too." Peter said reluctantly, he didn't want to. He was terrified of the thought of hoards of Death Eaters attacking the castle and him being trapped inside, but he wouldn't leave James and Sirius' sides, they were strong, they could protect him.

Remus returned late, he looked exhausted as he fell onto his bed with his arms spread out to either side of his body. He closed his eyes and waited for his friends to join him, finally, when he felt them sit around him he covered his face with both scarred hands. "He Who Must Not Be Named has gained control of the Ministry, he's murdered the Minister and most of her closest staff, the others are either being held for ransom or are being tortured for information. Dumbledore is convinced that it won't be long before he comes here and tries to take over the school." He swallowed hard and revealed his face, his eyes found James' and he sighed. "Dumbledore thinks that they're going to try and take all Pureblood children hostage, that will include you and Sirius and Peter…he thinks that he'll want to ensure that your families stay in line by keeping you close. His main goal is to get the school under complete Death Eater control so that he can begin to set up his new government without interference from the parents of children here. He's reluctant to spill any more pure blood than necessary so I'm pretty sure you three will be safe."

"What are the teachers doing to protect the school?" Peter asked.

"They're going around strengthening the enchantments, McGonagall's called the school to arms, there's statues surrounding the perimeter and Flitwick's been working for hours to get the shields up and ready for attack. They're doing everything they can but Dumbledore is still nervous, I've never seen him act like this before. The Prefects and Head Boys and Girls are supposed to be patrolling every so often so if I disappear that's why. Now it's just a matter of waiting for something to happen."

Sirius slumped back on the bed, gazing up at the canopy with a brooding frown. "They can use James and Peter as hostages but can you just imagine what my parents would do if they found out I was being held hostage?" He laughed humourlessly and covered his face. "I can already hear my mother's voice…"

"Hey, don't worry, Padfoot." James said in a tone he only used for his best friend, it was soft and tender and he stroked some hair from Sirius' forehead with gentle fingers. "You'll be alright, you're a Black. I think that gives you automatic immunity in a Death Eater invasion."

"That makes me feel _so_ much better, Prongs." Sirius said with bitter sarcasm, he revealed his face and took James' hand in his own, absently turning it over and gazing at the slightly rough skin. "You know what'll happen, I'll be expected to help them destroy Hogwarts, but I'm not going to. I'll stand by you and fight to the death if needs be…you know that, right?" He looked up his best friend, suddenly seeing only him, his fingers tightened on James' hand and when he smiled it made some tension in his gut loosen.

"Of course I know that, I'd trust you with my life."

Sirius' smile was unusually soft and Remus looked away, hiding his own knowing smirk behind a hand on the pretence of clearing his throat. The sudden noise snapped the pair of them out of their dream and they sat up, looking away with small blushes on their cheeks. "Everything'll work out." Peter said, mostly to himself, trying to ease the knot that his insides had twisted themselves up in. "It has to. We've got Dumbledore."

"Yeah, that's true! He's the only one He Who Must Not Be Named has ever been afraid of. We'll be fine." James said with a small smile, looking around at his friends as he tried to reassure them.

Later that night, long after Peter had fallen asleep and Remus had gone out on patrol, Sirius left his bed and crept silently over to James'. He gently pulled back the curtain and looked down at his sleeping friend, he gazed at him hungrily, as if he may never get another chance to look at his sleeping face again. Slowly he slid back the duvet and climbed into the bed beside him, he felt James twitch in response to his invasion and smirked as he wrapped both arms around his waist and pulled him closer. James' eyes flickered open and he yawned widely. "Si'rus…" He murmured and smiled as he pulled Sirius' head closer by a hank of his hair, he pressed their foreheads together and slid his free hand up Sirius' pyjama clad thigh. "Mm, got lonely did you?"

"Yeah, something like that…" Sirius replied, tipping his head to the side and closing the gap between their lips. "I need you James."

"Me too." James whispered, his face falling into a small frown as he pulled Sirius as close as humanly possible and deepened their kiss. Their tongues met and Sirius moaned softly, his fingers twisting in back of the t-shirt James slept in.

"Jamie?"

"Mmm?" James hummed as Sirius pulled away to look into his eyes, he smiled happily and lifted a hand to run his fingers through Sirius' thick hair.

"What will you do if…if something happens to me?"

James scoffed. "Nothing's going to happen to you, I won't let it."

"Yes but what if-"

James cut him off with a soft kiss on his lips, he drew away and shook his head. "Enough, we can discuss this more tomorrow, for now…for now we have better things to be doing. Whatever happens, happens, it's pointless worrying about it. Just relax, for now we're safe, we're together and that's all that matters."

Sirius let himself be pushed over onto his back, he smiled up at James as his pyjama top miraculously seemed to undo itself and warm, friendly hands slid over his exposed chest. He let his thoughts be washed away with pleasure, ignoring the awful nagging feeling in the back of his mind, a kind of throbbing dread that threatened to make him grab James and lock him up to protect him from some unnameable monster.

As the moon began to set, it cast its silvery glow into the dorm and splashed it over the duvet cover of James' bed. The two boys were locked at the lips, seemingly unable to pull away, their gasps and moans were muffled by their contact and they were so wrapped up in their night time activities that they failed to notice the first, almost gentle shaking of the stones surrounding them. Sirius gasped, pulling away to arch his back as James pinned both his hands above his head, his eyes were shut tight and he groaned heavily as he felt lips trailing down his exposed throat. After a beat of silence there was an earth shattering boom, Sirius gasped again, this time with surprise, his eyes flew open and he almost shoved James off of him. "What the fuck was that?!" James exclaimed, wrapping the duvet around his waist and diving off of the bed, he grabbed his glasses and shoved them on, moving to the window where he was joined by Sirius. Their hands clasped, their breathing was heavy from their earlier activities and surprised fear. They shared a look as they heard Peter mumbling to himself about pranks happening too early.

Outside the sky had turned a forbidding blood red, the clouds tinged with oranges and yellows. They could see a strange ripple in the sky and, beyond the castle grounds, a heaving black mass. Sirius stepped away from the window, releasing James' hand and grabbing his pyjama's from James' bed. He dressed rapidly, ignoring Peter's sputters of shock at seeing both James and Sirius, naked, standing in the burgeoning light of day whilst holding hands and looking decidedly sweaty. He finally picked up his wand and put on his dressing gown, James too had dressed rapidly and they stood, looking at each other with fear filled eyes.

"So, it begins." James breathed and Sirius nodded, his fingers tightening on his wand.

"J-Jamie…" Sirius had been staring out the window at the mass of black robed figures, he turned and beckoned his friends closer before lifting a shaking hand and pointing it down at the invading army. "They've got giants." He whispered in a small, childishly scared voice.

James searched for, and eventually found, Sirius' hand, he gripped it tightly and he felt Sirius move closer to his side. "Giants…Merlin…" He breathed, feeling the first stirrings of true terror stirring in the pit of his stomach. There wasn't normally much he was afraid of, if asked he would have replied that nothing could faze him but now he realised just how close the war was. Now he was faced with the real meaning of fear, fear for his life, for the lives of his friends and family. This was real. It wasn't a game, played using sticks as wands as he had as a very young child. This was war. A mad man wanted to get into the castle and hurt, maim and murder. This man was something he had never really been able to truly be afraid of, he was like some distant monster, almost of Mythical quality but now he was real and he was leading an army towards a school full of underage children.

"Oh Merlin…oh…oh Merlin…" Peter muttered under his breath, his eyes darted around pointlessly as he searched for somewhere to hide and when another trembling crash shook the very foundations of the castle, he squeaked and moved closer to James on instinct.

"Shit! Look at that!" Sirius exclaimed loudly, pointing up at the sky. It took the others a minute to see what he was seeing but when they did they gasped in unison. There was great rent in the shimmering air, like a tear in the very fabric of reality. A gaping wound, a weakness that the Death Eater army was going to take full advantage of. "What…what are we going to do?" Sirius muttered to himself, lifting a hand nervously to his face.

"We've been ordered to stay here. We'll be safe here; no one can get in…c-can they?" Peter asked, eyeing James as if hoping for reassurance.

"I-I…I don't know." James admitted reluctantly, he felt guilty for not being able to be the leader his friends seemed to expect him to be. He had imagined himself in this role numerous times before but that had always been fantasy, he had no idea that the real thing would be so scary. Sirius abruptly took a step backwards, he turned around and stared blindly at the bathroom before tearing his hand free of James' and running towards the door. His stomach twisted painfully and he realised he was going to be sick, it had happened before many times. When he was terrified he vomited. It was something he had done since he was very young, a thing his parents had tried to get him to stop but had only made worse. He flew into the bathroom and flung open the door, falling to his knees before the porcelain toilet bowl and finally giving in to his bodies need. After a moment there was a soft knock on the door and a tentative voice filtered through the dense wood; "A-Are you alright?"

Sirius gasped, wiping a hand across his lips as he sat back on his haunches, trying to regain his breath before answering James' call. "Y-yeah…I'm fine." He said finally and stood up.

James heard the flush and stepped back, fiddling nervously with his wand as he glanced back over his shoulder at Peter. They heard the tap run and finally switch off, Sirius emerged looking a little like a beaten puppy, his face was white and he had shadows under his eyes from lack of sleep but somehow he managed a small grin. "Sorry."

"No problem, do you feel better?"

"A bit." Sirius stepped into the room properly and moved to his bed, he opened his trunk and pulled out a set of robes. "I don't care what McGonagall says, I'm not going to just sit here and do nothing while people are being hurt." He removed his pyjamas and began pulling on the robes.

"I agree Sirius but…" James paused, biting down on his bottom lip nervously before forcing out his objections. "Some of those people down there are your family, do you really want to go up against them?"

Sirius paused, gazing down at a pair of socks he had in his hands. He frowned and finally looked up, meeting James' eyes. "Family are supposed to protect you, family are supposed to support you, no matter what. Those people down there are not my family. My family are here, behind these walls, my family are you and Peter and Remus. If this means I'll get disowned and blasted off of the family tree, so be it. I'd rather be homeless and nameless than someone who would happily attack a school full of innocent children!"

James smiled; he reached out and took Sirius' hand in his own. "I'll be by your side, Pads, never forget that."


	3. The Long Wait

**Chapter Two: The Long Wait**

After a long, intense discussion Peter, Sirius and James walked out of the dorm and into the common room where they were unsurprised to see their housemates sitting around looking pensive. Sirius took James' hand and guided him towards the portrait hole, when they reached it the Head Boy stood up with a stern frown. "Where do you think you're going boys?"

"We're going to find Dumbledore and offer to help him." James replied.

Someone scoffed derisively from near the fire place. "Oh yeah? And what are three underage kids going to do to help fight the Darkest Wizard of our time?"

"Whatever we can, Mark, which is more than I can say for you." Sirius snapped. "At least we're not going to remain cooped up here, too afraid to damage our precious nails."

The boy, Mark, stood up. He was a Beater for the Gryffindor Quidditch team and had the large build and burly shoulders that went with the position. James knew he was as good with his fists as he was with a bat. He moved over to Sirius and towered above him, he was a seventh year and Sirius looked suddenly tiny in comparison, yet he held his ground, keeping eye contact and matching the older boys glare. "I'm not the one freaks out over getting their looks damaged, Black." Mark growled, his large hands clenching into fists and James had the sudden impression that there was something more going on here than he had first thought. Sirius and Mark rarely spoke, even when Sirius hung around in the changing rooms after practice. James didn't know that they were on first name terms.

An evil smirk lit Sirius' face, giving him more animation than he had had all evening. "At least I have good looks to protect, Mark…that's more than you've got." He swept the boy with his eyes and sneered before lifting his head and gazing down his nose at him. "Have fun sitting up here like the pathetic coward you really are." He gave the enraged beater a tiny little wave of his fingers and another smile before turning his back on him and moving towards the portrait hole. The whole room was as silent as the grave, even the Head Boy and Girl didn't seem to know what to do. As Sirius pushed open the Fat Lady he felt a hard hand descend on his shoulder, he tensed, feeling unfathomable rage start to build up inside him like an overfull river behind a dam.

"Get back here, Black and I'll make you regret opening your fat mouth."

"Hey, back off mate." James said, unable to bear it any longer. "He's sorry for insulting you, aren't you Sirius?" He gave his friend a meaningful look and watched as Sirius' mouth twisted bitterly. "_Aren't you_?" He repeated sternly and felt Sirius tense, silver eyes met his for a long time and he dug his fingers into Sirius' shoulder, partly to hold him back if he did decide to punch Mark in the face, as he looked as if he was about to do, and partly to prevent him from burning the whole common room to the ground in a fit of rage.

Sirius' tongue darted out to lick his lips, he broke eye contact with James and frowned at the wall. "Yeah, if you say so." He muttered mulishly and folded his arms across his chest. "But he touched me."

"Yes but it's over now."

Sirius grunted and said nothing more, merely standing very still, only James could feel him shuddering beneath his hand, as if he were a tightly leashed, vicious dog. "No one touches me without permission."

"I know." James turned to Mark who was glaring furiously at Sirius. "Look, we're going down to help the teachers, if you want to come, fine, if not, let us go. If you trap us here we'll sneak out anyway."

The Head Boy and Girl shared agonised looks before finally shrugging. "Whatever Potter, just don't get yourself mangled too badly, we'll need you next Quidditch season."

James sniggered. "Yeah, you'd be flattened in seconds without me. I have no intention of dying."

"Fine. Go and get yourselves killed, see how I care." Mark muttered and shot Sirius an odd look that James couldn't interpret, Sirius sneered and averted his eyes again.

"Right, come on guys. We've got to find Moony." James steered Sirius firmly towards the exit, his hand still planted on his shoulder but, before they could get into the passage that led into the hall they were halted once again.

"Wait! I'm coming too!"

James spun around so quickly he felt his neck creak ominously, his eyes widened when he saw Lily stood behind him. "What?"

"I'm coming to help." She repeated firmly.

"Lily, no! You'll be killed!" Her friend Mary said, her eyes wide and brimming with tears.

"If I don't do something a lot more people will die and I couldn't live with myself if I did nothing. Mary, you don't have to follow me, I'll be fine."

Mary's face twisted before she took a breath and withdrew her wand from her pocket. "Alright, I'll come with you…make sure you don't get hurt."

Lily smiled as her friend moved to her side, her green eyes met James' hazel and they stared intently at each other. James felt Sirius shift but he couldn't look away from Lily, she had a hard look in her face that he always associated with immediate pain slowly he smiled and released Sirius' shoulder, he heard him make an odd noise but ignored it. "Welcome to the group, Miss Evans."

Lily smirked. "It's good to be here, Mr. Potter."

There was a wave of soft muttering before several other people stood up, followed by more and more until every student in the room was standing. "We're all going." The Head Boy announced. "We won't be outshined by a bunch of puny fifth years."

James' smile turned into a devious little smirk he always got when planning pranks, he reached up and ruffled up his hair, standing taller and projecting far more confidence than he felt. "Cool, Gryffindor'll kick some Death Eater arse!"

"Wait, I think everyone in fourth year or lower should stay behind." The Head Girl said firmly, looking around at the younger students. "You're nowhere near skilled enough to take on an army. Stay here and stay safe."

An older girl stood up, her face white and her pimples visible beneath her dark fringe. "I-I…I'll stay here and l-look after them." She muttered, flushing when all eyes moved to her.

"Excellent idea, Sapphire, you stay and make sure no one else gets out."

The girl smiled gratefully and sat back down again, the other younger students groaned and slumped back into their various chairs.

Together the Gryffindor's left the common room and began making their way down to the Entrance Hall, no one really knew for certain if that was where the teachers would be but it made sense that they would be at the front line.

They heard the babble of voices before they saw the teachers, James lead his house mates down the Marble Stair case, looking around at the Entrance hall curiously. Dumbledore was stood before a semi-circle of teachers and house elves, he was giving orders and answering questions with a frown on his face. James halted and so did those who had chosen to fight, suddenly Dumbledore paused and looked up at the stair case, his blue eyes widened behind his half-moon spectacles and his mouth was pulled down into a slight frown. McGonagall noticed where his eyes lingered and turned to find her students, dressed and with wands held loosely in their hands.

"What are you doing out of your dorms? I specifically asked you to wait-"

"We're here to fight Professor." James said in a clear voice that silenced those teachers still talking softly amongst themselves.

"I don't think so young man!" McGonagall replied, her voice shaking with horror at the thought. "You aren't of age yet, you cannot go up against a hoard of adult Wizards! That's absurd!"

"But Professor, we want to help." Sirius said gently. "We've seen the army from our windows, we know what we're up against. No offence but there's too few of you to stand up for long against such a huge army! They've got _Giants_!"

"Mr. Black, you have no idea what you're up against! I would like to remind you that we are not incapable duellers."

Sirius' eyes narrowed in anger, James grabbed his hand automatically. "Oh, I know what we're up against." He said in a low voice, causing many people to stare openly at him. "Remember what my family is."

For a brief moment McGonagall's face softened in pity, she sighed heavily and shook her head. "I simply cannot allow students to take on the responsibilities that should only ever belong to adults. This is our war, we are here to protect you which we cannot do if you are in the thick of the fighting."

"Professor, please," Lily interrupted; she took a few steps down so that she was standing before James and Sirius. "I'm a Muggleborn, if the Death Eater's win I will be killed. I think I have a right to defend myself and others like me."

"They are young, Minerva, but they have impressive courage…perhaps we could make some use of them." Dumbledore's soft, level voice cut McGonagall off before she could speak. "I understand your fears, I share them too, but James is right when he says that we are too few to truly protect the school. We need help, and unfortunately we only have the help from underage students to hand."

McGonagall's mouth thinned, she obviously despised the idea but could not deny the logic in Dumbledore's statement. "Very well." She said finally. "But you will promise to follow every order given to you by a member of staff, you will not go anywhere near the front lines and you will not endanger yourselves or others, is that clear?"

"Yes Professor." They chorused and McGonagall smiled briefly.

The Gryffindor's were divided into teams, each team headed by a teacher. They were taken to various strategic points around the castle, given tasks to perform and settling down to wait it out. James sat with Sirius, Peter and Remus, who had seen them in the hallway and asked to be allowed into the group. They sat by each other's sides in a first floor hall, tasked with guarding the passage ways and setting traps. McGonagall had explained to the Muggle Studies teacher who was their leader that they were excellent at traps and things so that was their job, they discussed it at length, arguing softly before finally deciding on what they were going to use. They lay out the Marauder's map before them and James frowned down at it, his wand tapping lightly against his knee.

"The Marble Stair case is widest, it's going to be difficult to protect." Remus said pointing to the place on the map.

"Yeah, I think we need to set something up there. Nothing too serious, just something that's going to slow them down." James agreed.

Sirius gazed thoughtfully down the corridor, listening to the odd crash and bang from both inside and outside the castle. Finally he shook his head and looked at his friends, blinking a little. "We should use that spell they have on the girl's dorms; you know the one that prevents boys from getting up there?"

"Brilliant, Padfoot!" James exclaimed and his friends grinned at the little gleam he got in his eyes, it was easy to ignore the fact that they were all sitting on the edge of destruction, especially when they were huddled up like they were, knee to knee with their precious map spread out on the floor. It was easy to pretend that all they were doing was planning a simple prank that would land them nothing worse than detention and the removal of house points. As they discussed their plans they sank themselves into that fantasy, because it eased the fear that clutched at all their hearts.

"What about the Humpbacked Witch statue? What if they know about the secret passage ways?" Peter chimed in, momentarily destroying their careful illusion.

"Hmm…I don't see how they could know." James muttered thoughtfully, he was gazing down at the large blank areas that were places they had yet to add. "But, it might be a good idea to cover the main ones, just in case…"

"We could use some sort of jinx outside the statue, one that uses Incarcerous as its base…" Remus suggested.

"If we unite that with another spell…maybe…Bombarda Maxima, and we can lay it on the ground around the statue, cast a trip-wire charm and hey presto they're mince meat." Sirius said, smirking a little too evilly for his friends liking. James shifted, feeling highly uncomfortable with Sirius' bold and highly fatal plan.

"Do…do we really want to kill them?" Remus asked hesitantly.

"They'd kill us." Sirius said reasonably. "It's only fair we kill them too."

"Hmm…I'm not so sure that I like that logic so much, Padfoot." Remus said softly. "It's not so easy taking a life."

"They could have fooled me, they've probably got hundreds of innocent people's deaths under their belts! Why do they deserve mercy when they don't give it to others? I think we need to stop thinking like children, if we're going to do this we need to be serious about it. This isn't a bunch of stupid pranks, its life and death and if you're not willing to take a life you're not going to survive."

Remus closed his eyes briefly before reopening them. "I think that in some respects you're correct, but I will not take a life unless it is me or them."

"Each to their own." Sirius shrugged carelessly and stared back down the hall once again as another boom rattled the stones around them.

James patted Sirius' hand, squeezing his fingers briefly and noticing how cold they were. "I agree with Sirius." He said suddenly, startling even Peter. "I know, it sounds mad but we're not exactly in a very sane situation here, are we? It's kill or be killed and to be honest I'd rather take the former over the latter. They will stop at nothing to spill our blood so why should we treat them differently? If they're threatening one of you guys I would kill them before they could kill you…even if it does destroy me. I'd do it for my friends, for my family and all these terrified innocent kids. This is a war, there's no time for softness."

Remus' face scrunched up a little until he sighed and ran his hands through his hair. "I spend most of my life in terror of murdering someone when I change, the thought of killing someone is just…it's repulsive to me. But I suppose if it came to it I could probably do it."

"Well, at least we've got that sorted." Sirius muttered, yawning widely and pushing his fringe from his eyes. He slumped sideways and rested his head on James' shoulder, his eye lids feeling heavy. James rolled up the map and took Sirius' hand again.

"Hey, wake up, Pads. We've got work to do."

Sirius opened his eyes reluctantly and slowly straightened up, he stood and brushed off his robes. "Alright, let's get this over with."


	4. Tricks and Traps

_AN: So, yet another chapter. So glad I managed to finish it, I hope there's not too many mistakes, I am only able to do any decent writing at night and It's hard to spot typos and stuff when I'm tired, but I do try my best! Anyway, a little bit of romantic teenage angst because I wanted to remind everyone that they're just teenagers and do have normal relationship problems, despite the fact that there's a war going on. Enjoy my lovelies._

**Chapter Three: Tricks and Traps**

The Marauder's split up, Remus and Peter went off to place their deadly traps around the secret passage ways while James and Sirius went to the Marble Stair case. They reached it and looked down at the few teachers and students who had been given the task of guarding the Entrance, each time a new explosion rattled the building they flinched and looked around as if expecting Voldemort himself to materialise out of nowhere. "The Dark Lord's going to have a harder time getting in than he thinks." Sirius muttered as he crouched and began running his hand over the top step, he produced his wand and began muttering with a small frown, James stood at his side, watching him.

"I've only just realised," James said suddenly, causing Sirius to look up at him and raise an eyebrow. "You use 'The Dark Lord' instead of He Who Must Not Be Named."

"Yeah, and?"

"And, well, that's what Death Eaters call him."

"I've spent my whole life hearing him referred to as Dark Lord, I suppose it's become a bit of a habit…Maybe it's time we both stopped sugar coating it, huh?" Sirius straightened up, lifting his wand and pointing it down the stairs. "His name is Voldemort." The stairs shuddered a little beneath their feet and James watched as they flattened briefly, turning into one big slide before returning to normal again. "That should do the trick." Sirius stowed his wand away and turned to look at James, he smiled uneasily.

"I think you're right, you know," James stepped closer to Sirius, mirroring his smile. "He's going to try and kill us all, we no longer need to fear his name. _Voldemort_."

"Mouldy Butt." Sirius giggled a little madly at the stupid joke, his laughter seemed to release some tension in his chest and helped to make him breathe easier.

"Baldy mutt." James sniggered.

"Ok, ok, we're being stupid now." Sirius grinned widely, resisting the urge to pull James into a deep kiss. It would be a terrible mistake to be so open about their relationship, it was bad enough that they were stood there making jokes about the most feared man in Britain, if people saw them kissing he was sure a riot would ensue. He cleared his throat, looking away from James to help regain control over himself. "Let's go see how Remus and Peter are getting on, shall we?"

"Yes, of course. We're in the middle of a war." James replied, nodding and following Sirius as he began walking towards the place they had promised to meet Remus and Peter.

As they drew further away from people they drew closer together, their hands clasped and they gripped each other tightly, as if they were afraid to let go. Sirius took immense comfort in James' touch, as he always did in tough times and it was better knowing that for once he wasn't the only one who was afraid. His mind drifted back to when Mark had accosted him before the portrait hole and he felt sickness grasp his stomach, James had no idea what had happened between them and Sirius hoped that he could keep it that way. He loved James in a way he had never loved anyone, he was a brother, a friend and his lover.

James was everything to him and he had no wish to damage that by admitting his one, stupid mistake. Of course, they weren't boyfriends; James refused to allow Sirius to call him that, afraid that someone would pick up on it and start rumours. They were a couple in all but name, despite the fact that Sirius had tried to make it official numerous times. He understood that James had difficulty accepting the fact that he had romantic feelings for another boy, he had spent so many years mooning over Lily Evans that he had never once considered himself gay, and he still resisted the idea. Sirius understood his confusion, he had felt it too.

He allowed James to go at his own pace, to find himself in his own time but he still felt hurt whenever James skated over the topic of their relationship. It had caused a few heated discussions but only once had turned into a full blown argument, at that time Sirius had caught James doodling on a piece of parchment, he had noticed the initials he was writing over and over and he felt a pain he had never thought he would feel. James was writing Lily's name over and over and in many cases had changed it to 'Lily Potter' instead of Evans. They had argued fiercely about it, James insisting over and over that he wasn't gay, until finally he had said that what he and Sirius had was merely just messing around.

Sirius remembered the pain his words had caused, he had stormed out of the room and fled, escaping James' heated denials, escaping the pain until he had finally found himself somewhere near the Astronomy tower. He had found Mark there as well, standing at the top with his hands in his pockets and smoking a muggle cigarette, he had turned and offered Sirius one which he took thinking of how much it would piss his mother off. They had talked for a while until Mark had produced a bottle of smuggled firewhiskey, everything had gone horribly wrong from then on. It had been a night of discomfort, pain and had culminated in Sirius feeling overwhelmingly guilty. Mark had been rough in his intoxicated state, he had confessed to Sirius that he had liked him for a while but hadn't managed to find a way to speak to him without the whole school discovering his secret. He had smelt of tobacco and alcohol and Sirius had let him do whatever he wanted to him, trying to escape James' words in the flesh of someone else. It hadn't worked. It had merely resulted in Sirius telling Mark that he couldn't be with him and Mark becoming angry, Sirius had left him there, wearing little more than his open jeans and an empty packet of cigarettes. He had left and returned to James' side after a hot shower, he remembered turning into Padfoot and curling up at the bottom of James' bed, falling asleep surrounded by familiar arms as he whined softly to himself. He remembered James' hesitant apology that only served to make him feel worse.

Sirius hadn't told James anything about that night, hoping to take the secret with him to the grave. He couldn't stand the idea that James would leave him, that they would have an argument as bad as they had that night. He never wanted to hurt him. It had been a horrible mistake and he had never touched anyone else since but he still wished it had never happened. Over the months it had got easier to ignore it but having Mark touch him had brought it all back up again, he had very nearly punched him and broken his nose, he hated himself for what he had done but Mark had looked as if he might have blabbed, even in front of all those people. Sirius couldn't have that. If James found out it would be from his own lips, not from anyone else's.

They turned a corner and Sirius was snapped from his guilt ridden musings when James tugged him into an empty class room, Sirius let himself be pushed against a desk and lifted his hands to drag them roughly through James' hair. "Sirius?"

"Hmm?"

"What happened between you and Mark?"

Sirius tensed, feeling dread fill his chest with lead. "Um…what do you mean?"

"You know bloody well what I mean. The way he was looking at you, it was as if you'd hurt him but I've never seen you speak before."

"Well I-I…" Sirius looked away, unable to stare into James' eyes. "It's…it's complicated. Maybe we can talk about it later, we have bigger problems." He tried to extract himself from James' grasp but felt him hold on tighter.

"No. This needs to be done now because we don't know if we're going to survive this and I…" James' face twisted a little and he leaned forward, pressing his forehead into Sirius' chest. "I'm scared, Sirius. I fucking terrified that when the fighting starts I'm going to lose you, I can't let that happen but i-if…if it does I want to know what happened between you and Mark."

"Why? If we're going to die, it doesn't matter any way."

James' fingers tightened on Sirius' arms, the grip was beginning to hurt but he showed no signs of releasing him. "Just tell me."

Sirius closed his eyes and sighed, he should have known it would come to this but he had hoped it wouldn't. "Mark and I…well…remember that night when we had that big row?"

"How can I forget?" James lifted his head and looked Sirius in the eyes, he could read him perfectly and he felt his heart skip a beat. "You fucked him?"

"Well…kind of. It wasn't-I mean I didn't mean to it just kind of happened."

There was a long moment of intense silence, Sirius gazed at James as he waited in terror of his reaction. Finally James released him and stepped back, he scuffed his trainer against the rough stone floor and sighed heavily. "Ok, let's go." He breathed and moved towards the door, Sirius grabbed him and hauled him backwards.

"I'm sorry!" He gasped, pushing his hands deep into James' hair. "Jamie, please, forgive me!"

James smiled weakly. "You didn't do anything wrong, it's my fault. We're not exactly a couple, are we? I never asked for commitment from you just as you've never asked it from me either. We're both free to shag whoever we want to."

Sirius didn't know what he was hoping for but this wasn't it. Somehow, James' acceptance of it hurt worse than if he had flown into a rage, he had never really known how to deal with reactions like this at the best of times, he was too used to anger and violence that he would rather suffer through that than this cold rejection. "B-but…but I…I didn't want anyone else, not really. I never have done."

"But you do look at other guys, right?"

"Well…"

"Don't deny it, Sirius, I've seen you. In the changing rooms you have a way of looking at the other boys in a way I don't, I've seen you look at Professor Hart just like all the girls do. You're gay, I know that and I've known it for a long time but I…I'm not. I fancy girls, I've kissed girls, I've…done other stuff with girls. I'm not going to expect you to commit yourself to me when I can't give you that same commitment in return, that's not fair."

"Then why do you sleep with me?" Sirius asked in a small voice, unable to hide the emotions flowing through him at a rate of knots.

James paused, seeming to deliberate before taking a deep breath. "I like you." He said firmly. "There's something different about you, I don't know what it is but you make me do stupid things, I laugh louder when I'm around you, I smile more and you make me unbelievably happy. I feel a connection to you I've never had with anyone else before, it's like…well…like we're supposed to be together. Having sex with you just feels…normal."

Sirius raised an eyebrow, his face falling into a small frown. "And having sex with any other blokes isn't?" He asked in a voice that bordered on angry.

"No! No I didn't mean it like that at all! I meant for me! It feels normal to _me_, I've never liked a guy the same way I like you Sirius, you're different."

"Different…" Sirius repeated, his eyes falling so that he was looking at the floor. "I don't know what that means." He said finally, lifting his eyes and looking at his best friend through his fringe. "Do you want to be with me or not?"

"I do! Of course I do! I've never said any different, have I? I'm just trying to explain to you how I'm feeling…which is hard because even I'm not sure."

"You're so fucking complicated, Potter."

"Yeah, sorry."

"No, it's fine." Sirius pushed himself away from the desk and moved towards James, he slid one hand into his hair and tipped his head to the side. Slowly he pressed his lips to James' temple, closing his eyes as he did so. "You need to find out what it is you really want, Jamie, because I can't live in Limbo forever." He drew away, pain lingering around his eyes before finally releasing James completely and turning towards the door. "Let's go, we have traps to set."


	5. The First Wave

_AN: In this chapter I have a moment where Peter talks to Sirius and James about their activities in the dorm and he's…less than pleasant about it. The reason why I wrote it that way is because I do not believe that homosexuality (or any sexuality other than straight) would have been accepted in the Wizarding World. I can't see how a society as bigoted as theirs would be accepting of different sexualities, it just doesn't make sense to me. The second reason is that Peter is a pureblood, he still has the same kind of arrogance that makes them take House Elves for granted (Sirius is the same in that regard), James is probably less likely to be as bigoted because of the way he was brought up. Lastly, Peter has never struck me as a very kind individual, he seems to me to be a smooth as fuck liar and finds it easy to fool people. In other words, I truly believe that he had very little (if any) love for his friends; he only used them because they were strong and popular and by hanging around with them he gained some of that glory.  
Anyway, please enjoy this next chapter and I do so love reviews! Thanks._

**Chapter Four: The First Wave**

Sirius and James found Remus and Peter standing in the corridor they had chosen to meet up in, they were having a whispered argument and when James hailed them they stopped talking abruptly, Remus looked up, startled by the sudden appearance of his friends and a guilty grin twitched at the corners of his mouth. Sirius' eyes narrowed, he cast a look over Peter who shifted uncomfortably and flushed red. "Having fun talking about us behind our backs?" He said and saw Remus' eyes widen briefly. "Oh come on, don't pretend like it wasn't happening. It's written all over your faces."

"We weren't talking behind your backs as such…we were merely discussing you when you weren't here." Remus said uncertainly.

"I would call that talking behind our backs." James said.

"Come on then, what were you discussing?" Sirius folded his arms across his chest and frowned at his friends in disproval. "If you've got a problem you can say it in front of us."

"We don't have a problem, Sirius." Remus said quickly, holding a hand out in placation. "We were just discussing your…odd behaviour."

"Odd behaviour?" James quirked an eyebrow curiously. "What are you talking about?"

Peter looked down at his feet, scuffing his trainer on the floor and mumbling so softly it took a moment for his friends to hear him. "How long have you two been…at it…behind our backs?"

Sirius shared a pained look with James who flushed bright red, he narrowed his eyes and nervously fiddled with his glasses. "W-what do you mean?"

"Oh come off it, Prongs! I saw you two in the dorms when the Army appeared earlier! You were naked and the room smelt of sex, don't try and cover it up."

Sirius saw James' discomfort and took a breath, steeling himself for his friend's derision. "I've been meaning to tell you but I just haven't had the guts to speak up…" He began slowly, looking at Remus and Peter. "I-I…I'm gay." His voice dropped to a whisper and he winced when Peter choked on his voice, he glanced at Remus who had a soft smile on his lips, almost as if he had known all along.

"You're _what_?!" Peter blurted, his blue eyes widening in horror. "D-does that mean James is…as well?"

James shook his head emphatically. "No! No of course not!"

"No, he's not. What you saw was…was me trying it on. I-I…I was…trying to see if he'd be up for a little…experimentation but we were interrupted." Sirius spoke rapidly, trying to save James the embarrassment of having to explain, despite the fact that he felt like a twat for lying. "It's my fault."

Peter eyed him with suspiciously, his eyes narrowed in distaste. "You should know better." He muttered. "You can't just come on to just any old body, it's disgusting."

Sirius winced violently, stepping back a little and his hands clenched into fists. "Yeah, well…it won't be happening again." He muttered through gritted teeth.

James glanced at Sirius and opened his mouth to speak but Sirius stepped hard on his foot, making him wince. Peter didn't seem to notice, too disgusted by Sirius' confession. "I should hope not, it's bad enough that we're going to end up risking our lives and probably all end up dying, trying to fuck your best friend while he's in love with a girl is just sick."

"Peter, you hang around with a werewolf every month, stop being such a bigot!" Remus snapped suddenly, surprising everyone. "Who Sirius falls for is none of our concern and he should not be judged for it, especially by people who call themselves his friend. The fact that we're in the middle of war only serves to prove that we should be working together, it's the only way we have any chance of surviving. Don't allow Voldemort to corrupt you when we need each other most, fear is his greatest weapon and we need to be strong enough to be able to stand together when we face our enemies or all is lost."

"B-But…"

"No, Peter." James said firmly, his eyes narrowed in anger. "I thought you'd be better than this, especially, as Remus said, now you've been hanging around with a Werewolf for all these years. There's more important things to be concerned about. What's got into you all of a sudden?"

Peter looked away, gazing down at the floor mulishly. "I just…I just thought it was inappropriate. I-I'm…I'm sorry."

Sirius shrugged. "I never expected anything different." He said bitterly. "I don't really blame you; I'm disgusted by myself too. Your reaction is perfectly understandable; I've spent years hating myself, barely even able to look at myself in the mirror because I'm obviously a bit wrong in the head. Accepting myself was one of the hardest things I've had to do, and I still don't fully accept it, even now. I can't blame others for finding it abhorrent."

James' eyes filled with pity and Sirius looked away, pushing his hands deep into his pockets as he glared at a vase. "Sirius, I had no idea…"

"No, no one does." He sighed heavily and wrinkled his nose. "Have you guys set your traps?" He deliberately changed the subject, giving James a firm shake of his head when he seemed about to speak, telling him in no uncertain terms that the subject was closed for good. Remus reached out and put a hand on his arm, he smiled and Sirius saw perfect understanding in that smile. He returned the gesture briefly before Remus began to tell them what they had done and what they hadn't.

"Lily, are you done there?" Mary called softly, her voice tense and nervous.

Lily stood up from her crouch, feeling her legs twinge as pins and needles raced through them. "Yeah, I'm done." She called back, turning away from the statue where several runes now glowed an eerie blue. She heard Flitwick talking to a group of students, telling them what he wanted done to the ceiling as she moved towards Mary's position by a small window that had had the glass smashed out of it. "So, now all we have to do is wait." Lily sighed, she felt exhausted and the fighting hadn't started yet. It was more draining than she had first thought it would be, going around and planting curses and spells to entrap the unwary victim. Flitwick had been an enormous help, despite her natural talent in charms she still had difficulty completing certain tasks due to her lack of education. What they were doing was Seventh Year work, Flitwick had explained, but he had been immensely pleased with her aptitude none the less, even lamenting the fact that the hat had placed her in Gryffindor over Ravenclaw. She slumped against the wall, sliding down until she was sat on the floor, she drew her knees to her chest and sighed heavily.

As the two friends waited in silence they heard a familiar pair of voices arguing softly, Lily looked up, frowning at Mary who shrugged.

"…I just wish you'd know when to keep your trap shut, James."

"I did, didn't I? But If I hadn't maybe he wouldn't have been such a shit."

"It doesn't matter, it's over with. The subject is closed."

"Sirius, wait!"

"No! James, just…just leave it! I'm sick and tired of being led around by you, I know it's not your fault and I don't blame you I just want some time to think."

"But we can't go off alone, we could be attacked at any second!"

"_Please_!"

Lily looked up at Mary in surprise, they both heard Sirius' voice break as if he had been pushed too far and his emotions were over spilling.

"Merlin, Jamie, please stop talking! I-I…I can't take it anymore! I love you! I've loved you for as long as I can remember! You're my whole entire universe but I…I just can't live my life wondering if you'll ever return these feelings. It's killing me."

"Sirius, it's too dangerous. Under any normal circumstances I would leave you alone, but…but if you leave my side now we may never see each other again."

Lily tried to stand, their voices were drawing closer, she felt heat in her cheeks and Mary was stood by the window gaping in amazement, before Lily could grab Mary's arm and make some attempt to hide the two boys rounded the corner, James, without seeing the two girls, grabbed Sirius' arm, swinging him around so they faced each other. He pulled him close, their lips met in a deep, passionate kiss that Sirius returned helplessly.

"James, for Merlin's sake, let me go!" Sirius gasped, his voice full of desperation as he finally managed to dredge up the strength to pull away. "I need to be alone."

"I'm scared, Sirius."

"I know, so am I but I swear to you I won't die unless we see each other one last time. I won't die until I get to say good bye to you." He lifted a hand and pressed it against James' face, Lily was unable to see his expression but she thought that it would probably mirror James' anguish.

James sighed and buried his face in Sirius' neck, holding him so tightly Lily was sure it would hurt. "I feel like this is the end." He whispered, unable to hide the waver in his voice.

Lily felt discomfited, as if she were witnessing something indecent and private. She had never seen either boy exhibit so much emotion, they obviously reserved that kind of intense passion for when they were alone together. She looked away feeling oddly stricken, why, she didn't know but seeing them together in such a way made her feel as if she had lost something important. Mary was stunned into horrified silence, her mouth hung slightly open as Sirius and James kissed one last time, when they drew away Sirius whispered something that didn't carry down the hall and James tried to hold him tighter. Sirius extracted himself from his arms and smiled sadly before turning around. He froze. Silver eyes wide in his face as it drained of colour, his lips parted and he made a tiny strangled noise in the back of his throat.

"Siri, wha-" James too gaped at the two girls like a fool. "Oh…oh fuck…"

"This…this just isn't my day, is it?" Sirius whispered, seemingly to himself as he spun around and bolted. James tried to grab him but he yanked himself free, hissing something only James could hear before disappearing around the corner. His footsteps faded leaving James, bright red in the face, standing awkwardly in front of Lily and Mary.

"That. Explains. _Everything_!" Mary whispered her voice breathy with surprise. "Oh dear god…You a-and Black are…d-dating?"

James blanched and looked away. "Not…not in the conventional sense of the word, no." He said in a hoarse voice.

Lily took a deep breath, pushing aside the strange feelings seeing James and Sirius together had stirred in her, she shook herself mentally and smiled. "So, have you come here to help us?"

"Um…yes?" James said uncertainly.

"Good. We need as much back up as we can get." She smiled, hoping to put James at ease but it obviously wasn't working, he fidgeted with his hands and kept glancing back down the corridor where Sirius had disappeared. Lily sighed to herself and moved forward, she took James' arm and guided him towards the place she had been sitting. "Look, I'm sure Black will be fine." She said and sat him down. "After all, he's one of the best in our class at duelling. Give him some credit."

"B-But…he's not…he's…" James stuttered himself into silence. "We're not going out or anything!" He blurted and Lily gave him an odd look.

"Ok, if you say so." She replied and sat down at his side. "Here, we have a flask of tea the Elves brought us." She said, picking up a bright red flask and opening it, she poured some steaming liquid into the lid and handed it to James who took it, she noticed that he was shaking violently. "It's alright, I don't care."

"What?" James almost spilt his tea, his eyes wide behind his glasses, like a startled deer.

"I don't care if you're gay, Potter."

"I'm _not_!" James insisted emphatically. "I swear to Merlin I'm not gay!"

"Uh-huh." Lily said and patted his arm patronisingly. "Of course not."

"Damn it!" James lowered his head, sighing in defeat. "I like girls as well." He mumbled.

"Oh, I see." Lily said, feeling her spirits lift as if she'd been given an early birthday present. "Well, that's also ok."

Mary sat down at Lily's side and sent her a suspicious look, Lily felt her cheeks heat and she looked away, concentrating on pouring two more cups of tea from the flask.

"I didn't mean to hurt him." James whispered, gazing into his drink as if it had offended him. "Sometimes I just open my fat mouth and I can't control what comes out. I just…I just wish I knew how I felt, then I could explain it properly. But I don't and I can't and now he thinks I'm just using him! Ugh…this is so shit!"

"How do you feel about him, then? Maybe if you tell me you can find a way to express it when you meet up again?" Lily suggested, unsure whether she really wanted to know how James Potter felt about Sirius Black. She sipped her tea, trying to keep her hand steady and ignoring Mary's wide eyed stare as she seemed to see something Lily was missing.

"Well, I like him. I mean…h-he's cool and…and he makes me laugh…I-I…I think he's got nice hair."

"Nice…hair…?" Lily repeated, looking at James with a deep mixture of confusion and pity. "Come on, there has to be more than that."

James' face screwed up and he let out a defeated sigh. "I don't know." He muttered, his shoulders sagging. "I just know I don't want him to die."

"I can't help with that part I'm afraid." Lily said softly, she had almost forgotten that there was an army intent on destroying them waiting just on the boundaries of the school. "We can only hope and try to survive ourselves, I suppose."

"This is probably the worst time for all this to come out, why couldn't we have sorted it all before this happened?! I'm such an idiot! What is wrong with me?! Why can't I think straight when he's around me? It's like his mere presence removes the part of my brain that does all the sensible thinking! I mean, we're in the middle of a war and all I can think about is whether he'll ever forgive me? Or…or whether we'll ever see each other again? I can't concentrate on anything."

"Perhaps this was the best time for it to all come out, because none of us can be sure if we're going to survive, maybe we need to start being more honest with ourselves." Lily said and frowned down into her tea, she wasn't sure if she was talking to James or herself. Slowly she lifted her eyes and saw James watching her, an odd gleam in those hazel eyes. She realised, with a jolt, how pretty they were. She could see dark brown and gold and amber with tiny flecks of green, they made her think of warm autumnal days in the woods, the sun gleaming through the dense rich leaves and highlighting the brown trunks.

"I do, you know…"

"W-what?" Lily felt heat flood her cheeks as James' gaze became intense.

"I like girls."

"You said."

"Yeah…" James shifted awkwardly, avoiding looking at anything except his tea.

Lily felt as if she was missing something as James lifted his tea to his lips and ended up spilling half of it down his front.

"Oh fuck!" He gasped, wiping at the spreading stain with his sleeve and blushing as brightly as a five year old with a crush. "This is just stupid." He muttered furiously to himself.

Lily giggled helplessly before reaching into her pocket and withdrawing a handkerchief, James looked at it before a small smile appeared on his face, he took it from her hand and their fingers brushed lightly. Mary sighed, shaking her head as she turned away but before she could speak there was a loud crash, they heard a scream of terror from somewhere below them and James leapt to his feet, his tea spilling to the floor and his face white. Lily stood on shaking legs and went to the window, she could see that the barriers protecting them had finally fallen and she watched as a stream of black clad figures poured into the Hogwarts grounds through gates that had been bashed apart by giants wielding clubs the size of ancient oak trees.

As they watched a huge, hideous giant lifted its club above its head and roared. The sound vibrated through the air and made the castle tremble. James looked at Lily and she heard Mary stifle a sob of terror, they could say nothing as the battle began. Then, just as the line of enemies reached the doors they halted, James leaned forward, curious as to why they had stopped when a loud, cold voice echoed through the grounds. James winced and turned to find Lily and Mary standing side by side and looking around, as if they expected to find Lord Voldemort right behind them.

"Dumbledore, I speak only to you. If you do not wish to see your precious school destroyed and those children you profess to care for slaughtered then I ask you to stand down, give yourself up and no others will be harmed. If you do not accept my terms I will kill any teacher or student who dares to stand in my way, their blood will be on your hands. I will give you half an hour to come to me."

The voice died away, leaving James' ears ringing unpleasantly. "He'll never do it." He said softly. "He'll never give himself up."

"No, you're right." Lily replied weakly.

"And if he doesn't…if Dumbledore doesn't give himself up we're all going to die, aren't we?" Mary whispered, Lily took her hand and held it, the only comforting gesture she could make.


	6. Fight For Hogwarts

_AN: I'm sorry for the long wait between updates, I hope this is ok for you. I hope you're still reading and enjoying, thank you all for the kind reviews. :) (Any questions, feel free to PM me and I will do my best to answer)_

**Chapter Five: Fight for Hogwarts**

Sirius was sat beneath the entrance to the passage way hidden by a large, ornate mirror when Voldemort's voice boomed across the grounds. He tensed, his fingers clasped around his wand as his eyes darted around nervously, the voice was devoid of human emotion and made all the hairs on his body stand on end. He now had thirty minutes before he would end up fighting his own family, the idea scared him almost more than his natural fear of death did. He had been fighting against his parents for as long as he had been aware how wrong they were but he had never even considered fighting the rest of his family with force, he remembered Bellatrix and her sadistic laugh, he remembered her husband's cold, blank gaze. He remembered Lucius Malfoy taunting him at school and during family gatherings, how he had chased Sirius through his mansion until he had caught him and locked him up in a mouldy old cupboard. Vaguely his own words echoed back to him about how family was supposed to love and protect you, how they were supposed to support you no matter what and he felt anger rise rapidly through his fear like a leviathan stirring in the deep sea. His fingers clenched on his wand he stood up slowly, his hands shaking violently, but not with fear, not anymore. His rage overtook his terror, masking it so that he could stand straighter, shoulders back and a small smile spread across his lips. It was high time he got his revenge on them for all those times he had been hit, cursed and bullied. It was time they realised who they had been messing with. Fifteen years old he may be but he had spent enough time in his family's library to have learnt some spells that would have got him kicked out of school, he had never used them before but perhaps he could put a few of them to the test now.

When he was twelve years old Sirius had been forced to stay around the Malfoy's for the Annual family party, he had stayed for three nights and one night he had woken up to find snakes slithering all over his bed, his duvet teeming with them. He had screamed and leapt up, wearing little more than his pyjama bottoms. As he had lifted his wand to vanish them he had heard soft snickers from behind his bedroom door, it had opened to reveal Malfoy and a couple of his friends laughing and pointing. One look back had told him that the snakes were no longer snakes, merely several shoe laces laying on his pillow and duvet like limp noodles. Once his heart had stopped beating rapidly in his chest he had tried to slam the door on Malfoy's face, only to find his wrist grabbed and pulled out into the hall way. He had been dragged outside and tied roughly to a tree in their orchard, stripped naked and left in the dark, waiting for sunrise and for someone to find him. His mother had been furious with him, as if it was his fault Malfoy had tricked him.

When he had turned ten years old he and his brother had been playing in the little piece of common outside their house when Andromeda had been babysitting (she was the only one who allowed them to play outside). They had been joined by several other children, two boys and a girl and they had got into a game of tag. Sirius remembered the feeling of being totally free, he laughed louder and more often, forcing his brother to play with them, despite his reservations about playing with Muggle's. His mother had returned and started to scream at him, she had chased the muggle children away, calling them foul names before grabbing her eldest sons arm and frog marching him back into the grim house. That night he had been forced to sleep in the cellar with the rats, he had gone without food for most of the five days he was in there, living off of some old vegetables he had discovered in one corner of the large stone room when he could. His brother had been soothed as if he were a victim of some kind, Sirius remembered that almost as clearly as he remembered the terrible, hurtful insults that were thrown at him.

He remembered being very small and his brother had been in the pantry, stealing some food while Kreacher was out. Sirius had picked him up, carried him into the bathroom, cleaned up his face and hands and given him a change of clothes with dire warnings of what would happen to him if he did that again. After his brother was settled in the living room with some pumpkin juice and a Wizarding comic book Sirius had gone to clean up the mess he had left in the kitchen, his parents had found him there, picking up huge pieces of broken plates, his hands lacerated and bleeding as he frantically tried to remove all evidence that his brother had done it. He had taken his punishment, his lips sealed tightly shut despite the tears sliding down his cheeks. Later, Regulus had tried to confess but Sirius had pushed him roughly, making him fall to the floor, earning him yet another solid beating.

He remembered when he was seven that he had found some of his mothers old clothes in a bag, ready to be thrown away by Kreacher, he had stolen some and taken them to his room where he put them on and began to play pretend on his own. He had several dolls from Andromeda who had given them to him when she discovered how much he liked them, he played with them whenever his parents weren't around to see. He had set up a tea party, in which the guests included his dolls, a large, battered teddy bear with a missing eye and a large collection of ancient toy soldiers his uncle had given to him for one of his birthdays. All the toys were the kinds of things forbidden by his parents, so he usually kept them locked away in a secret box, also a gift from his uncle. He had been playing with them, discussing the weather and how terrible it was that they couldn't picnic outside on such a dreary day when his father had seen him. Sirius had no memory of what happened next, all he remembered was a vague feeling of fear and darkness.

All of these memories haunted him like ghosts as he strode through the castle, towards the Entrance Hall where he hoped most of the fighting would be. For once he didn't feel afraid, he had spent a lot of his time being scared and he was becoming sick of it. He felt a new emotion blooming in his chest and it was so strange it took him a moment to realise what it was; elation. He had never been so excited before, his hands shook a little and his smile was planted firmly in place, he was positively vibrating with excitement at the prospect of being able to defend himself, of not feeling sick with fear. For once his family would be the ones at the other end of the wand, for once he would be the one with all the power. It almost made him dizzy thinking about it. He would finally be free, he would finally be able to make the boldest statement of his life and prove to his family that he was done with them, he would finally escape the prison they had been forcing him into from the moment he had been born.

As he walked he imagined the faces of his cousins as they realised the choice he had made, he imagined being immune to their insults and degrading sneers, he imagined standing tall and proud of who he was. And, afterwards? Well, he would shake off their shackles and start afresh, possibly living out his days on the streets with no money but he would no longer have the weight of his family hanging over him, he would no longer have to bow and scrape to his parents he would be free. Totally and utterly free. If he died, he realised, it would amount to the same thing. Death would end it all as surely as victory would; it was a win-win situation.

"_Jamie? Remember when you asked me why I've never had a girlfriend?"_

"_I know why you've never had a girlfriend, Sirius…I only wanted you to tell me yourself."_

The memory made him come to an abrupt halt, his eyes widened behind his fringe as his mind churned up his confession of two years ago. James' voice followed him and no matter where he walked he couldn't seem to escape it, he tried not to think of what James would do if he died, he tried not to imagine the pain it would cause him. It's not as if he was going to deliberately go out of his way to die, he only saw it as another form of escape from the terrible hardships he had been forced to endure. It was a very real possibility and he had to come to terms with it, no one lived forever. He paused, staring blankly at a wall, his eyes slipping out of focus as he thought deeply. His parents remained ignorant of his sexuality, he had never had any desire to add yet more weight to their insults and constant punishments, despite the fact that he knew they would try to marry him off to some well off pureblood girl from another closely related family. He would rather live through a loveless, cold and depressing marriage than come out to his parents. He knew James would tell him he was stupid, that he should never be afraid of being himself, but Sirius also knew that James really had no idea what it was like for him at home. Oh, he knew about the beatings, the abuse and bullying but James didn't live it. James was loved, he was doted upon, his mother spoilt him rotten as often as she could, he could never truly know what Sirius went through at home. Sometimes it was better to take the easier path. Sirius shook hair from his face, pushing it from his eyes with the back of his shaking hand, he sighed heavily and, just as he was about to move on, he heard soft voices coming from the secret passageway behind the mirror he had just been guarding.

"…are you certain no one will realise what we've done?"

"Yes, I'm certain!"

"Is this really such a good idea? The Dark Lord insisted we wait."

"I'm sick of waiting, Helen! The smell of fresh, young meat is overpowering and I haven't eaten since last night!"

The voices were rough, bordering on animalistic. Sirius swallowed a lump in his throat, he rapidly kicked off his shoes and, just in his socks, turned and fled. He tried to make sure he made as little noise as possible, he knew that Werewolves had finer hearing than normal people did, especially around the time of the full moon. He gripped his shoes in one hand and his wand in the other as he turned down several sets of stairs, flying past confused and scared portraits and statues before nearly falling over a suit of armour that had lost its head.

"Hey, you! Can you pick up my head? That bloody poltergeist-"

Sirius whizzed past, his robes flying behind him as he searched for a teacher, he had to warn them that they had been infiltrated by Werewolves.

XXX

"Ah, there you are Evans!" Flitwick appeared around a corner, his wand hanging loosely in one hand and his face pale and a little clammy looking from the effort he had been putting into his protection charms around the school. "Have you finished with your tasks?"

"Yes sir." Lily replied, standing up, she felt James' eyes on her and tried not to blush.

"Good, good, now then if we-ah!" He was cut off as something heavy hit him so hard he fell and skidded several feet down the corridor, Lily blinked as a mass of black robes stirred and fell away to reveal a very out of breath and confused Sirius Black.

"What did I just trip over?" He asked, looking around in confusion.

"Flitwick." James replied, grinning a little as he held out his hand for Sirius to take.

"Oh, sorry professor." Sirius said, taking James' hand and allowing himself to be hauled to his feet.

"Not a problem, just try to look where you're going next time, young man." Flitwick replied as Mary helped him up.

"Professor! I've got at least two werewolves behind me, they didn't see me but they've infiltrated the castle and somehow avoided setting off the traps outside the secret passage way behind the mirror!" Sirius gasped, his eyes wide behind his fringe.

Flitwick's eyes widened and he took a deep breath. "Right then, I want you lot to go and find Dumbledore and tell him what's happened, I will attempt to hold them off from here."

"Will you…will you be ok?" Lily asked nervously.

"Of course I will, dear. We teachers are far more adept at magic than you seem to assume." He smiled at her and patted her on the arm. "Now go! Dumbledore must be warned."

Sirius watched as the tiny professor rolled up his sleeves and began doing a series of complicated movements with his wand, he felt James touch him lightly on the shoulder and shook himself mentally. He smiled at James and took his hand briefly before they broke into a run with the girls in hot pursuit.

They found Dumbledore standing in amongst a sea of house elves all gripping knives or wielding heavy pots and pans in their tiny fists, they all looked murderous and Sirius couldn't help a strange feeling of unease creep over him as he realised that the little elves could probably do a lot of damage if they were allowed to. He thought of Kreacher and shuddered, he didn't like to think what his own house elf would like to do to him if he were given permission.

"Sir!" Lily called over the chatter of the elves, all eyes turned on her as she rushed up to Dumbledore, slightly out of breath with Mary, Sirius and James all behind her. "W-werewolves…in the school…" She gasped after a second to regain her breath.

Dumbledore gazed at her for a full minute before nodding. "Where have they entered?"

"The passage way hidden behind the mirror, sir." Sirius said.

"Flitwick's going to hold them off." Lily added.

"I see, I see. Well then, it is time we rallied our forces." Dumbledore' expression was grim as he turned to the elves who whooped with bloodthirsty glee and scattered. "I want you to gather all the children who are planning on fighting, split up and stand guard over every dormitory entrance, these Werewolves are not going to be friendly towards us and, if I am correct in my assumption, they will be working for Greyback who has a nasty habit of preferring children over adults."

"Greyback?" James frowned thoughtfully for a moment as Dumbledore strode off to gather some of the teachers. "Why do I feel as if I know that name?"

"I don't know but we don't have time to figure it out, let's get the others." Lily said firmly and took Mary's hand, together they ran up the Marble stair case.

"I think I remember Remus' dad mentioning his name once." Sirius said, following as James began walking towards the dungeons to check to see if any of their fellow students were there. "Remember that time we had that sleep over in our third year?"

"Yeah, now that you mention it…He didn't seem very happy about saying his name, he said it like a curse word."

"I thought it was odd that it nearly brought him to tears, wasn't it because his name was in the paper? And Remus' mum shut him up pretty quick, didn't she?"

James nodded and sighed. "Maybe Remus'll know something."

"Where are they? Have you seen them?"

"No, but I'm sure they'll be around somewhere, come on."

Together they walked into the dungeons, the walls rapidly changed from warm and friendly to dark and mysterious. Somewhere Sirius could hear the slow drip of water and the squeaking of rats, he slid closer to James and their shoulders brushed lightly. After a few more steps they started to hear voices, James frowned and put a finger to his lips, Sirius nodded and they slipped into a nearby alcove. The voices drew nearer and James withdrew his wand, sharing a look with Sirius.

"This is stupid! We should stay in the dorms where it's safe, this isn't a game, this is war!"

"If you want to chicken out go back to the dorms, Black. I'm going to help out my dad, it'll be fun to be able to spill some filthy muggle blood."

"You idiot Avery, we could be caught in the cross fire! They won't bother to try and look at who they're killing."

Sirius' face fell into a dark frown and, just as the voices rounded a corner, he stepped out in front of his brother and friend. James sighed internally and followed. Regulus came to an abrupt halt, his eyes widening as he realised Sirius was blocking his path.

"Oh no you don't little brother, you're going right back to the dorms!" Sirius growled angrily, his wand hanging by his side as if he were unwilling to directly threaten him. Regulus glanced down at his brother's wand before moving his eyes back to Sirius'.

"Get out of our way, Black, or I'll hex you into next week!" Avery muttered, pointing his own wand directly at Sirius' face.

Sirius glanced at him and snorted derisively before returning his attention back to his brother. "Reg, you're being an idiot, you'll get yourself hurt or killed. You're not well equipped enough for this kind of battle. What would mother think if her baby boy got murdered and she was only left with me to carry on the Black name?"

Regulus flushed and looked down at his feet. "I will make her proud of me." He said quietly and lifted his gaze again. "Let me go, Siri, I know it's dangerous but I have to do this."

"No. I'm not letting you get involved." Sirius folded his arms across his chest and frowned in determination. "You'll have to fight me to get past."

"What side are you on, Black? Your family's not going to be happy if you've sided with the Mudblood lover and his stupid bunch of teachers."

"No, they won't be very happy, will they? But then again, I've never been able to be the son they wanted." Sirius' eyes never left his brothers, even as he spoke to Avery. "Where's Mulciber and Snape then? You're never usually very far from each other."

"They're around, busy with other things I suspect. Now, get out of our way!" He moved forward but found himself face to face with James' wand, James grinned brightly.

"I reckon you could do with a new look, Avery, I don't think that hair style or that face suites you. What do you reckon, Siri, I could turn him into a toad?"

"That's old school, I like it." Sirius replied with a smirk. "He'd look good with less warts."

"Don't be ridiculous, we don't learn that stuff until sixth year!" Avery snapped, taking a step backwards as James took one forwards, still grinning manically.

"Oh dear, he seems to have forgotten that I passed a NEWT level mock-exam with flying colours in Transfiguration earlier this year. McGonagall wanted to know just what I could do and she was very impressed, although she said that my spell casting was a little dodgy as the things I was transfiguring couldn't always be turned back."

"That poor cat, I hope it's happy as a shelf." Sirius sighed.

"You're just boasting." Avery muttered but he seemed suddenly unsure of himself.

"Oh really? Shall we test that theory then?" James' evil smirk widened. "A toad, wasn't it Siri?"

"Yes, just hurry up about it, we've got work to do." Sirius was watching his brother intently, still he had yet to lift his own wand but Regulus kept a firm grip on his, he knew from experience how fast Sirius was at duelling.

It took too long for Avery to realise that James was serious, his eyes widened as light flashed in the corridor and he doubled over as the spell hit him directly in the chest. All the air whooshed out of his lungs and he crumpled to the floor, his wand falling from lax fingers. They all watched as his skin began to turn a dirty green, large pustules began to erupt all over his face and gave voice to a loud croak before shrinking rapidly. Finally before them sat a large, ugly toad but Sirius could still see various patches of human skin here and there and one of its legs looked like a human foot in miniature. "Damn, it wasn't as good as I'd hoped." James sighed and pocketed his wand. "I need to work on that."

"It's still got a human foot." Sirius pointed out mildly as the toad tried to escape, he lifted his foot so his shadow fell across it. "Shall I step on it? It'd solve us all a lot of problems later on."

James frowned, staring at Sirius warily. "No, Padfoot." He said firmly and Sirius sighed before stepping away.

"Fine." He said with a shrug and a dark glare at the toad that was hopping its way to freedom. "Now, Reg, get back to your dorms and make sure no other Slytherin gets out." He reached out and put a hand on his brother's shoulder, only to have him shrug it off irritably.

"Don't touch me!" Reg snapped, lifting his head and sneering viciously at him. "I'll do what I want and you're not going to stop me! I will make mum and dad proud of me! Unlike you I care about our family, Sirius."

"Oh yes, you care so much you'll throw away your life on some stupid mission and they'll be so proud of you as they bury your cold corpse!" Sirius replied with just as much acid. "Mum and dad love you, Reg, if you died it'd ruin them and you know it! Stop being stupid and get your arse back to the common room! I'm not fighting you!"

"If you won't get out of my way I'll hurt you!" Reg shouted, lifting his wand defiantly.

Sirius laughed, the sound echoing off the walls. "You couldn't hurt me, you know I'm better than you at duelling, I'd win. Just do as I say for once and you'll live to see another day. You were saying earlier that you knew it was stupid, they're not going to differentiate between kids, they'll just kill you."

"That was until I realised that you're going to be fighting for the wrong side!" Reg's voice rose rapidly, his face paled and his wand hand shook a little as he held it. "Sirius, you're going to die more surely than I will if you continue down this path! Mum and Dad will never forgive you and you'll hurt them far more than you have done already when they find out!"

"Reg, they already hate me enough as it is, what side I fight for will make no difference to them. They want me dead, you know that."

James winced a little at the pain that hid just beneath Sirius' words, he automatically reached out and touched Sirius' hand, Sirius withdrew from the touch as if he'd been burned. Regulus didn't seem to notice anything. "Just go back, please, I'm begging you! If not for me then for Mum, she loves you! She wants you alive and healthy, she needs you!" Sirius reached out again and took hold of his brothers shoulders, looking him directly in the eyes and pleading silently with him. "Reg, if you get hurt it'll kill me." He said after a brief, tense pause.

Regulus pushed his brother off of him and glared furiously at him. "Filthy fucking bloodtraitor! You'll die and where will that leave our family? Without an heir! We'll be the laughing stock of the Wizarding world! You know your fight is futile, Sirius, you know that what you're doing is only going to end in tragedy! Why can't you just take your place as the family's heir and do your fucking duty? Why do you always have to fight a battle that never needed to be fought? If you just did what you were told our parents wouldn't have to hurt you!"

Sirius pushed his fringe from his eyes and righted himself, he had fallen awkwardly into the wall and his eyes flashed with anger before he quashed it. "I'm not going to let you do this." He said and swapped his wand from his right hand to his left, he pulled his right arm back and punched his brother right in the face. Regulus fell to the floor, unconscious. "Stupid little shit, you never did understand." He muttered, shaking his bruised hand and wincing. "He's got one hell of a hard face."

James smiled slightly and bent to retrieve Regulus' wand, he held it out to Sirius who took it and put it into his pocket. "You did good." He said and clapped him on the back.

"Right, help me drag him into one of the class rooms, we'll lock him in 'till this thing is over."

"Sure." James took hold of Regulus' feet and Sirius took hold of his arms, together they lifted him and carried his heavy body into the class room.


	7. The Beginning of The End

_AN: This chapter is a little jumpy to begin with but it does even out eventually. This is the first of a few fight scenes that I plan on writing, they will get more intense as the war goes on but I wanted to start with something a bit milder before I get to the really violent stuff, I also wanted to write a little bit about werewolves and my take on what some of them may be like. Please enjoy and I love your reviews, thank you so much for your interest. :)_

**Chapter Six: The Beginning of The End**

Remus was standing utterly still, his eyes focussed upon some point beyond the ceiling above their heads. Peter could feel the tension in his body even though he stood feet away, he swallowed the terror that was making his throat close over and lifted his hand. Gently his fingers brushed Remus' sleeve, Peter leaped backwards as Remus flinched away violently, his arms rising as if to protect himself from an unseen enemy. "Woah! What's wrong?" Peter gasped, stepping backwards on instinct. He could have sworn Remus' eyes had changed briefly, almost as if he were witnessing the wolf that lay behind them.

"Werewolves. In the Castle." Remus growled, his lip peeling back from his teeth in a wolf-like sneer and his hands clenched into fists at his sides. "They'll kill all the kids, we need to stop them!"

"H-How? W-we're just kids ourselves…I-I can't go up against W-werewolves!"

Remus grabbed Peter's arm, his nails digging deep into the flesh like claws and making him wince. He pulled him roughly towards the stair case, Peter had no choice but to allow himself to be yanked towards what sounded suspiciously like a battle. He could hear cursing, loud crashes and shouts of pain. He felt the castle shudder beneath his feet and almost fell but Remus kept him firmly on his feet. They ran up the stairs, Remus drawing his wand in one swift movement, his face falling into a dark frown as they reached the next landing. He pulled Peter around a corner and they found themselves face to face with two rather ugly werewolves. One of them was most likely female, although it was very difficult to tell under the mass of matted, greying hair that nearly covered her face. The male was snarling furiously and looked ready to pounce at them, their faces registered brief shock as Peter and Remus ran out of the hall way to their left.

"No! Boys, get back!"

Remus turned briefly to find Flitwick behind them, his sleeves rolled back, a scratch on one cheek and a determined frown on his face. Remus turned back to the werewolves, one of which had a wand clutched in its clawed hand. "No. I won't let them hurt anyone!" He said and raised his own wand threateningly, baring his teeth in a vicious snarl. "I won't let them go anywhere near my friends!"

Peter realised why Remus had thrown all sense of caution out of the window the second he had sensed the presence of his own kind. He understood that Remus was terrified of anyone else being forced to carry the same curse as he did, he was afraid that his friends would become monsters too and so he was attempting to cut off the threat before it had a chance to become a reality. Peter squeaked loudly and wrenched his arm free of Remus' grip, he stepped back a few paces and, while everyone's attention was elsewhere he turned into a rat and fled. Remus' head jerked around at the sound of tiny feet moving rapidly away from him, he registered the form of the little grey rat running away as fast as its pink feet could carry it before he returned his attention back to the Werewolves.

"Mr. Lupin, please, step away from them! This is a battle far beyond your abilities!"

"I'm sorry sir, I can't do that." Remus lifted his wand, muttering under his breath as bright golden light shot towards the man with the wand.

The man deflected the spell and smirked, revealing yellow stained teeth that had been sharpened into deadly looking points. "I see, I see…this one Greyback must've missed! Feisty little cub, such a shame we'll have to kill you!"

Something about the name Greyback made Remus' wand drop a fraction, it distracted him enough for him to allow the counter attack to slip past his guard. He felt a gash open up on his arm and winced at the sting of pain, he didn't move however, it was nothing, just a minute cut compared to what he went through each full moon. What was more important was that he find out why the name Greyback sounded so familiar, he simply couldn't think of where he would have heard that name before but it nagged at him, like an annoying little fly. The next attack he was ready for, his eyes narrowed and he brought up his shield just in time to deflect the bolt of red light. He stepped back and retaliated with his own spell. He knew that what he was doing was stupid, it was beyond all rationality, but he couldn't leave these two alone. The idea that his friends would ever be inflicted with the same disease he had was so terrible it was ten times worse than having to go through the change himself every month. If it was a full moon he may have more of a chance to defeat them, the only downside to that was that he would probably turn on his friends anyway as he had no control over himself during the full. He pushed that idea aside and concentrated fully on the battle, it wasn't long before Flitwick got over his shock and irritation at being ignored by a student and sent a glistening ball of energy straight at the werewolves where it exploded, smashing through the wall of a nearby classroom and sending debris everywhere.

XXX

Sirius' eyes widened and he stumbled into a wall, knocking James off of his feet as the castle trembled violently. He grabbed James and hauled him to his feet, sending him a quick look which James returned. Together they pulled their wands from their pockets and took off back up towards where the sounds of battle were coming from. Every time the walls rumbled Sirius felt himself almost lose his footing but his hand reached out and was met by James', their fingers entwined and it was as if new strength entered his limbs. They ran faster, flying into the entrance hall and turning towards the marble stair case. Their traps were only to be activated by un-recognised magical traces so the stairs didn't turn into a slide and throw them back down again. Sirius felt a small grin on his face as he glanced at James who mirrored his expression, they looked away but both were glad to have the other by their sides.

Somewhere below them they heard the first loud crash of a giants club against the double doors that led out into the grounds, James' feet faltered for a split second but Sirius shook his head and urged him on, up ahead they could hear the sound of battle, voices mingled but one stood out against the others, one that they recognised. James nodded once and they picked up speed, they couldn't allow Remus to fight alone.

XXX

"Hmm, sounds as if your half an hour of peace is up, little cub! Your friends will die, you will soon be defeated, why not just lay down your wand now and join us! You belong with your own kind."

Remus' face was bathed in a fine sheen of sweat and twisted into a furious snarl, the walls were blackened and warped with the power of the spells they had been using, Flitwick had sustained another cut on his forehead which Remus felt guilty about because he knew he wouldn't have it if he didn't need to protect him. "I will die before ever joining you! You disgust me!"

The man growled, slowly stalking Remus in a squashed semi-circle, his movements restricted by the walls of the hall way. "Such a sad waste, Greyback is going to lead us against the Wizards, he is going to put us back on equal footing! We have been oppressed for too long under the old Ministry, when the Dark Lord has taken over this school he will open new doors for our kind. We will be respected finally! We will no longer have to suffer under the heavy boot of oppression, nor will we be forced to register ourselves like animals!"

"It's for our own safety as well as for others. We _are_ monsters! During the full moon we are animals!" Remus said clearly, still holding his wand in a tight grip as the male werewolf sneered viciously to the laughter of his female friend.

"Oh what nonsense they have corrupted you with. We are treated like scum as if we're worthless, people fear us and would rather see us all destroyed than working at their sides! Open your eyes, puppy, we can be so much more than we ever were allowed to be under the previous government! We couldn't even get jobs, we were starving in the streets until Greyback came to us and showed us a new way! Come with us, put down your wand and help us bring in this new era where our kind are not worth less than humans."

Remus swallowed, unable to deny the man's logic. He had many painful memories regarding others treatment of him when they discovered his affliction, he was bullied, sneered at, despite being a child. It wasn't his fault, his parents had always told him that, he couldn't help what happened to him every month and for most of the time he was a perfectly normal human being. He could feel himself sympathising with them, his wand dropped to his side and he stepped forward a pace. "I agree with you, we're not treated as we should be." He said softly, his voice trembling a little. "But this is not the way forward. The man you call the Dark Lord will not treat us any differently than the previous government has, in fact he will treat us worse. He will reinstate the werewolf hunts, he will most likely have us all killed. We're as bad as Muggleborn's in his eyes. Can't you see that? Violence will not get us what we want! It will only serve to prove that we are what they think we are, it won't help anyone. The school is full of innocent kids, people who only need to be educated on the truth not murdered in their beds for unknowingly supporting our degradation and oppression. They only need to be shown and taught that we too are human beings for most of the time, it is only a few times we're wolves. Don't stoop to their level, rise above it and see how many minds can change."

"You have been living amongst them for too long, little cub." The woman said roughly, her eyes shining behind her matted hair.

"Perhaps." Remus replied. "But I have found some friends, people who are willing to help me in whatever way they can, people who love me for me and don't care if I turn into a wolf every month. I managed to change their minds, I'm sure we can do it for others."

"They love you now, cub, but that won't last forever. Eventually they'll turn against you; they'll stab you in the back as have countless others!"

"No, they won't." Remus spoke with such sincerity that it made the other werewolves pause, they glanced at each other and for a second Remus felt hope bloom in his chest. Perhaps he could save at least these two, perhaps he could help them see that not everyone thought they were monsters.

"Fear cannot be overcome by being nice, Pup. You will learn that the hard way." The man lifted his wand and opened his mouth, but, before he could speak any spell a blur of black shot past Remus and smacked the other werewolf into the wall. He hit it with a thud just as the castle rumbled, there was a screeching, grinding noise from somewhere a few floors below and a loud scream followed by several shouts. Remus stepped backwards and saw James run into view, he was panting and pointing his wand at the woman as he moved to Remus' side.

"Hey, you alright?" James asked, giving Remus a quick glance and a grin.

Remus smiled in return and nodded, despite the fact that he was still feeling a little shaken at the impossible task of having to change the minds of people who had obviously been brainwashed. "I'm fine, where's Sir-" He stopped as a low growl filled the hall, he turned his head and saw Padfoot pinning the male werewolf down with his huge forepaws on his chest. His lips were peeled back to reveal massive teeth, his ears were lying flat against his head and every time the man tried to move he would snap at his hand or whatever other extremity that seemed closest to his jaws. "I see." Remus said softly.

"Yeah, I couldn't stop him, he just had to run in here like a fucking hell hound or something. Stupid Mutt doesn't listen to his masters orders."

Padfoot looked up and yipped, snarling at James in what was obviously irritation. James smirked and ruffled up his hair as he did when he was showing off for someone he fancied, Remus couldn't help the small smile that lit his face.

"What is this? Why is there a dog in the school? What on earth is going on?" Flitwick muttered, staring at Padfoot as if he'd never seen a dog before. Remus laughed softly.

"This is what I was talking about, friends who accept me for me and haven't judged me or made fun of me or been anything but perfect friends. You don't need to listen to lies and fight hatred with hatred, kindness can change more minds than violence can." He spoke directly to the woman who simply glared at him in silence, her eyes sparkling dangerously as the man lay on his back, frozen by the weight of Padfoot.

"So, this is what other werewolves look like, huh?" James asked, screwing his nose up a little in consternation. "I would have thought you'd be on our side, seeing as you've got a much better chance at helping to change things than you would ever do working for Voldemort."

The two werewolves hissed and winced at the mention of the Dark Lord's name, James simply shrugged. "You do not understand, boy, you never will understand what it is like for us. We are changing things, we're going to take back our pride and our place in the world."

"What, by murder?" James scoffed loudly and Padfoot grinned a doggy grin. "By killing us you'll only make more people afraid of you and I'm sorry but I'm not going to let you destroy my friends chances at changing the way people view werewolves. I'm not going to allow you to prove everyone right." His wand rose and his eyes narrowed in concentration. "Bloodshed isn't the way forward, you'll only be creating more hate and anger. When the parents of those kids you intend to harm find out what you did they'll want revenge, they'll punish every other werewolf for your actions, despite the fact that they're innocent of your crimes. Is that what you want? Do you want to condemn more of your kind to torment and anguish? Do you want to make your situation worse?"

"You know nothing you impudent child! You do not live our lives, you cannot even fathom the pain we have suffered, nor the hatred we have been through! You may pretend to like this cub now but eventually you'll turn against him, you'll end up hating him and cause him more pain than he has ever experienced! You'll betray him because you are normal, because you care nothing for our plight!"

James rolled his eyes. "I'm bored of this. Remus is my friend and I don't betray my friends, I never will. You see that dog there?" He pointed to Padfoot who looked up and cocked his head to one side, his tail wagging happily. "That's Sirius Black, we spent years training to become animagus so that we could spend every full moon with Remus, so that when he transformed he wouldn't be alone and you know what? When we did it he was able to be himself, it helped him transform with little pain and he retains his humanity even in wolf form! It worked. Don't you see yet? We nearly killed ourselves so that we could help him, we're hardly going to throw all that away by suddenly changing our minds."

The woman gazed at the dog, her eyes sparkling as she seemed to deliberate. Something in her posture changed and she seemed to relax a little, her eyes widened and filled with tears as she turned to look at Remus and James. "Is it…is it true?" She breathed, a heart wrenching hope lingering in her glistening eyes.

"Yes. When I transform with James, Peter and Sirius I retain my human consciousness. I no longer attack myself; I no longer feel the urge to hurt anyone. It's…it's amazing. They're truly my friends, they risked Azkaban for me."

"But Greyback…he tells us that under the Dark Lord we can rise to our proper place and regain the respect of our peers."

"This Greyback is lying to you." Remus said softly, taking a step forward and holding out his hand. "We can help you, I promise that things will get better for us. We can work to change the world but not like this, not through violence and murder…it's just…wrong."

"I…"

"Helen!" The man snapped angrily, immediately snapping the woman from her slightly dazed state of mind. "Snap out of it! They've been corrupted by that Dumbledore! They're just spouting his lies back at us, trying to change our minds! They're only kids, kill the midget and save the others for Greyback, he likes little children."

The woman hesitated, she watched Padfoot growl and snap viciously at the man's throat, barely missing the vulnerable vein.

"He…he likes children?" Remus frowned, falling back a step so that James had to put a hand out to hold him steady, his world swayed violently and he fought the urge to vomit. "Why…why do I know that name? Who _is_ he?"

"Fenrir Greyback is our pack leader, he guides us and takes in abandoned children who have nowhere else to go." The woman replied. "He also takes normal children from their parents and raises them to hate wizards, turns them against their families and friends, trains them to fight."

A memory flashed across Remus' mind, causing him to gasp, his eyes widened and he went white. James was afraid he would pass out but his hand clenched on his wand and he frowned as anger replaced his shock. "Greyback…my dad mentioned him once…a long time ago, not long after I was bitten. The name made him cry, he had to l-leave the room…My mother…she…she was distraught as well and she held me and told me that it wasn't my fault. That I…that I wasn't a monster like _him_."

"Remus? You alright?" James asked uncertainly.

"Y-yeah but I…I think I know who it was who bit me now. I think…I think Greyback was the one. I think he attacked me out of revenge, for something my dad did."

"Yes, he has a thing for changing near children so that he is certain to bite and hopefully turn them." Helen said softly, her voice was almost pitying. "It wouldn't surprise me in the slightest if that's what happened."

"It was deliberate." Remus gasped, his hand shaking and he lifted it to his face and fell sideways into a wall. "He…he ruined my fucking life!" His voice broke into a desperate sob as he slid down the wall, his wand clattered to the floor and he covered his head with his arms.

James crouched down at his side, gently running a hand through his hair while keeping his own wand pointed at the woman, just in case she tried something. "Remus, it's ok. It doesn't matter anymore, it's in the past. Remember that we're with you and we're never going to abandon you, I promise."

The man laughed caustically but was stopped when the dog on his chest abruptly turned into a fifteen year old boy. He yelped and threw him off, sending Sirius tumbling sideways. "Ow! Hey watch it, old man!" He snapped, rubbing his head where he had hit it on the floor. "You knew I was an animagus!"

The man smirked deviously and made a grab for Sirius' wand that had fallen out of his pocket, but before his fingers could close around it it floated out of his grasp. "Oh no you don't!" Flitwick squeaked and caught Sirius' wand before throwing it back to him. "Boys, get out of here, you have done more than enough. I'm sure that you're needed elsewhere. I will deal with these two."

James helped Remus to his feet who seemed so lost in thought he seemed unaware of what was happening around him, his brow was creased in a brooding frown as he digested all that he had learnt. They ducked beneath Flitwicks spell as roped flew from his wand to wrap themselves around the werewolves and bind them tightly.

"The Dark Lord will win, rest assured! We will watch gladly as your little friends are each bitten and your worst fears are realised little cub. I will enjoy your destruction."

Remus flinched a little but held onto James as if he were a lifeline, Sirius stood up and stepped past the restrained werewolves, pausing only to boot the man in the shin. "That's for the head." He growled and joined his friends.


	8. Prelude to a Nightmare

_AN: Well, another fight. I hope it is to your satisfaction, please enjoy. Any comments are always welcome, I do love to hear from you guys._

**Chapter Seven: Prelude to a Nightmare**

The three boys made it to the top of the marble staircase only to find that the Entrance Hall had broken into utter chaos. They watched in silent awe as the teachers battled Death eaters, as the tiny figures of House Elves dressed in tea towels ran around stabbing, hacking and even biting any vulnerable bit of flesh they could find. They saw the empty suits of armour hefting swords half their length, smashing people in masks to the floor. The room was filled with screams, furious shouts and flashes of magic. It was like something from a story book, somehow surreal in its brutality. Sirius took a breath through his teeth, his eyes widened as he seemed to see something, he grabbed James' arm and their eyes met before he pulled James into a one-armed embrace, leaving behind a kiss on his lips before leaping down the stairs and disappearing into the fight. James stood there for a split second, his fingers touching his lips where Sirius had kissed him before he too took a breath; he smiled a little weakly at Remus and grabbed his arm. "Well, let's go." He said and Remus followed him into the throng of fighters.

Sirius ducked beneath several deadly jets of light, they tugged at his hair as they passed, like tiny fingers. He dived beneath someone's legs, firing a quick spell at them before they even realised he was there, he grinned as they collapsed. He paused long enough to yank off their mask and look into their face, it wasn't someone he recognised. He moved on again. Another Death Eater dragged him into a fight, it was short and brutal, Sirius drew on all his training as he fought. His spells ricocheting, some bouncing off of shields and one of them finally getting through, it hit his opponent in the chest and he screamed as he fell backwards, instantly being absorbed into the press of bodies behind him. Sirius cursed furiously and ran on, he had to find someone he knew. He had to get at his family and pay them back for everything they had done to him.

XXX

James felt heat rush over him from a spell, it hit the wall which exploded sending fragments of stone into the air. He lifted his arms to protect his face as they fell again, when the dust had settled he swept his wand downward, sending his opponent stumbling backwards. He dodged another searing hot jet of light, sending a stunning spell at his enemy which was deflected. "_Confringo!_" He shouted and watched the man's robes burst into flames, the fire roared as they fed upon the material, causing the man to curse and try to put them out. James grinned and sent him flying backwards into the exploded wall, the man screamed and James watched in muted horror as a foot the size of a bus landed on him. Even over the sounds of battle he heard the crunch of bone, although he thought it may have been his imagination. He took a breath, pushing the image from his mind and focussed back on the fight at hand.

XXX

"_Impedimentia!_" Remus shouted, his spell hitting its target directly in the chest and causing his eyes to widen as he froze. He waved his wand again binding the man in thick ropes before turning to the next person. He was immediately engaged by another enemy, the woman laughed as she danced around him, her spells missing him by millimetres, something told Remus that he was being played with. The woman was batting his spells away with barely any effort, her eyes glittering behind her silvery mask, her wand twirling and light erupting all around Remus as if he had accidentally stepped into a firework display. She threw her head back so that her hood fell down to reveal a head full of thick, lush hair that cascaded down her spine like a dark water fall. Something about her nagged at Remus, he felt as if he recognised her somehow. Finally one of his spells got through, it managed to tear off her mask, she gasped and stumbled back a step, her hair falling into her eyes so she had to push it from her face in a gesture that made Remus' heart lurch into his throat.

"Why you little shi-"

Before the woman could form her sentence something rushed out of the throng of fighters, hitting her in the side and sending her flying to the floor. Remus opened his mouth in shock as Sirius stood over her, panting heavily with his silver grey eyes sparkling as if he'd just discovered a dragon hoard of gold. "You!" The woman gasped, pointing into Sirius' face. "You vile bloodtraitor! Shame of your family! How dare you!"

"What a lovely reception as always, Bella." Sirius replied, lifting his wand and taking a few wary steps back as the woman rose to her feet. "Remus, I've got this." He said and smiled. "You get going, find James and help him."

"A-are you sure?"

"Yes! Now go!" Sirius returned his attention back to the woman he had called Bella, his eyes narrowed furiously. "I've spent years being afraid of you, cousin…now it's time to finally stand up for myself!" Remus gazed on in surprise as Sirius sent a silent spell straight at his cousin, she deflected it but was forced backwards with its power, she threw her head back and laughed.

"Oh my, ickle Siwi is all growed up!" She cooed in a mock baby voice, her face twisted into a sneer that made her beauty seem more terrible. "You are a fool if you think that you can defeat me, no amount of duelling training can prepare you for the things I can show you. Now, come, little cousin and let me show you things you could never hope to achieve, even in your wildest fantasies!"

Sirius whipped his wand in a diagonal slash, purple light flew towards his cousin and she was forced to dodge it. "I have learnt far more than you're giving me credit for, Bellatrix! I'm stronger than you know, after all, it's been a while since we last fought."

"It has, obviously I made the brief mistake of underestimating you, from now on I won't. You cannot win against me, I have trained beneath the watchful eye of the Dark Lord. He has taught me things you will never understand."

"Get on with it then!" Sirius roared suddenly his face twisting in hatred so deep Remus was surprised that he could have hidden it for so long. "I'm ready!"

"Ready to die? What a shame, your mother will be so very sad." She smirked as if she knew very well that Sirius' mother wouldn't care. Without another word she shot a complicated series of light at Sirius who managed to deflect some but a large gash appeared on his cheek, blood spattered his shirt and robes, staining the fabric. He lifted a hand and angrily wiped the blood away before retaliating with spells Remus knew he had not learnt at school. He watched on, unable to do anything more than stare, as Sirius practically danced. He was surrounded by bright colours, flashes of yellow, red, blue and silver. His robes caught fire briefly before he stepped on them and put them out. His chest heaved as he panted with the effort it took to fight Bellatrix, his eyes were narrowed in furious concentration and his hair stuck to his face with sweat. Remus could see what James saw in him, he looked beautiful, like some sort of fantastical painting. He had never known that Sirius could duel like this, he had only seen him in petty feuds with the Slytherin's or playing pranks on his fellow students, he had never seen him duel to the death. Suddenly Sirius seemed to lose his footing, his eyes widened briefly as a spell flashed from Bella's wand, along with a cry of triumph. Remus was about to run forward but before he could move Sirius ducked, the spell tore through his hair, making orange flames erupt in the strands. Sirius bounced back up and put the flames out by patting his head, wincing in pain. "Oh you have improved, I am impressed." Bella said with an evil smile. "It is going to be a shame to have to kill you."

"Yeah, right." Sirius muttered, his voice shaking slightly from his close call. "I suppose you'd attend my funeral and give a heart warming speech about how much you loved me?" He scoffed, spitting on the floor at her feet.

Bella looked at him, her smile fading from her face. "No, I have a better plan in mind for you." She said, almost as if she were speaking to herself, she raised her wand. "I won't kill you but I can't have you fighting us either."

Sirius lifted his own wand, eyeing his cousin warily. He didn't know what she had in mind for him but it wasn't going to be a pleasant day at the beach. "Whatever, let's just get on with this, shall we?"

XXX

The castle was overrun, Death Eaters, Werewolves and other creatures swarmed the grounds and inner castle like ants. They tried to get up the Marble Staircase but it turned into a slide and sent them skidding into the arms of waiting statues who grabbed them and crushed them. Giants outside smashed gaping holes in the walls, grabbing whoever was unfortunate enough to be standing too close. It was utter chaos and James could hardly even differentiate friend from foe, he had no idea what was happening elsewhere or where his friends were. Panic tried to freeze him to the spot but he couldn't afford to lose concentration, even for a second. He fought his way through the crowds, firing curses almost at random and hoping he didn't hit anyone on his side. He paused as he spotted something silver out of the corner of his eye and had enough time to duck as a shimmering cloud of daggers shot over him and impaled a Death Eater to the wall where he screamed as the points pierced his flesh. He saw a flash of red hair and dived after it, almost tripping over a body on his way, he refused to look down just in case it turned out to be someone he recognised. He found Lily fighting a man with long blond hair, he seemed to be having trouble with her as she ducked and dived, rolling behind bits of stone debris and rising only to shoot curses at him. James gazed on, impressed by Lily's spell work. Her hair flew around her face, her green eyes were narrowed in anger and she seemed to crackle with furious magic. She had dust on her face, in her hair and smudges of dirt and for a second he noticed blood on her hands.

"Stay still you stupid little girl!" The man shouted furiously, becoming frustrated by her constant movement and hiding. "Stay still so I can kill you!"

"Idiot." James heard Lily mutter as she rounded a boulder the size of Hagrid's Cabin and send a bolt of crimson light into the man's back. He crumpled with a soft gasp and fell on his face, Lily kicked him hard in the ribs before lifting her head and spotting James grinning at her. She managed a small smile of her own before her eyes widened and she lifted her wand but was too late. Something heavy and smelly slammed into James' side, sending him skidding sideways and into the boulder Lily had been hidden behind. He felt all the air crushed out of his lungs as something hairy sat on his chest, he opened his eyes and squinted up at what had hit him, his glasses had fallen off somewhere and he knew he didn't have time to find them.

"Ahh, fresh meat!" The man growled, his breath making James gag uncontrollably. He reeked of rotting flesh and blood. "I thought they'd have hidden away the little kiddies, obviously I was wrong and I'm glad you defied orders. Now I can have some breakfast!"

James automatically lifted his arms, covering his face as the man leaned towards, breathing his stench on him. Just as inhumanly sharp teeth scratched the skin of his wrist he heard someone standing behind the man who had him pinned.

"No! James!" Lily screamed, making the grey haired man jump and pull away from James.

Using his Quidditch training James rolled and grabbed the nearest thing he could see, a fist sized rock. He lifted it and smacked it into the side of the man's head with as much force as he could muster. "Get off of me!" He cried and heaved the man off of him, scrabbling to his feet rapidly and stumbling into a pair of comforting arms. "…Glasses?" He mumbled, his mind scattered by what had just occurred. It was weird for a man to go around biting people but he thought he knew what the man was, the thought made his stomach tie itself into knots. He felt something cold and hard pressed into his hand and quickly pushed his glasses on to his face. He lifted his arm and gazed at the shallow indentations of teeth. "Fuck." He whispered, turning to take a proper look at the man who had attacked him. "Oh fuck."

"James? What's wrong? Who was he?"

"I-I…" James shook his head before tearing off a piece of his shirt and using it as a rough bandage. "Lily, promise me one thing."

"Anything."

"Don't tell Remus about this, whatever you do."

Lily frowned in obvious confusion. "Alright but why?"

"It doesn't matter, we've got more work to do." James grabbed her hand in his own and stooped to pick up his wand before running off back into the fray.

XXX

Sirius found himself being pushed backwards by the sheer force of his cousins spells, his teeth were gritted so hard his jaw ached and his arm throbbed from where he had been holding it too high for too long. His legs felt like jelly as he stumbled on a rock the size of a fist, he almost fell but somehow managed to regain his balance. Bella's face was a twisted mask of joy, her laughter was high and piercing as she mocked him and called him names. Sirius could feel himself faltering, he stumbled again and barely managed to dodge a jet of white light that made the wall behind him explode. Something hit him in the side of the head, his vision blurred and his arm finally dropped, his wand clattered to the floor and he felt his knees give way beneath him. Bella stood over him, her face full of victorious gloating, her image swam in and out of focus and Sirius felt his stomach clench painfully as if he were about to throw up. "Now it is time for you to concede defeat; give me your wand, Sirius and I will make sure you live."

"No." Sirius' voice was small and weak, he fell onto all fours and bowed his head his fingers found the comforting weight of his wand and he lifted it so that it pointed directly into Bella's face. He could feel hot blood running down his cheeks and into his eyes from what was obviously a deep cut in his forehead. "Die, bitch!" He gasped and fired his last spell, mustering as much energy as he possibly could. Bella screamed and fell back, her hands covering her face as blood ran between her fingers, Sirius grinned before his eyes rolled into the back of his head and he fell forward into unconsciousness.

Remus ran before his brain could stop him, he leapt in front of Sirius as Bellatrix raised her wand, her dark eyes glittered insanely behind the crimson blood running from a cut on her face. "You stupid little shit! I'll make you pay for your insolence!" She aimed her wand at Sirius and Remus lifted his own in response, terror ripped through him but he managed to produce a shield that deflected the spell but sent him stumbling backwards, he tripped over Sirius and fell in an inelegant sprawl. Meanwhile Bella had been engaged by McGonagall who looked as if she had been dragged through a thorn bush.

"Boys! Get out of here!" McGonagall screamed, firing a hex at Bella who threw it aside as if it were nothing.

Remus nodded, he didn't need telling twice. He pulled Sirius up, pointing his wand at him and muttering a spell. Sirius' eyes opened and he looked up at Remus, he managed a small grin. "Did I kill her?" He asked sluggishly.

"No, you didn't. That spell wouldn't have killed her. Come on, we're getting you out of here."

Sirius shook his head and struggled free of Remus' grasp. "Nah, can't. Got to…" He stumbled, leaning heavily on Remus. "…got to help…Jamie…needs me…"

"Sirius, you can't fight anymore! That wound needs to be treated."

"No!" Somehow Sirius managed to stand on his own, he swayed violently and tried to blink away the big black spots that crossed his vision. "I can't go out now, I've got to help!"

"Sirius…"

"I said no. Come on, where is my bitch of a cousin?" his eyes narrowed and he looked around but McGonagall and Bella had disappeared back into the crowd. "FUCK!" Sirius screamed, anger pulsing through his veins like poison. "DAMN IT TO HELL!" He kicked a stone that went skittering away, tripping over another masked Death Eater and allowing his opponent to finish him off.

"Sirius, calm down. Come with me, we'll find James."

Sirius blinked at Remus as if he were only just noticing him for the first time. "Jamie?"

"Yes, we're going to find James and-SIRIUS LOOK OUT!"

Sirius flinched and spun around just as a black cloaked figure seemed to materialise out of thin air, he stepped backwards and felt all the hairs on his body stand on end. His breathing stopped, his heart stuttered in his chest as the figure flew through the hall, appearing to be searching for something. Sirius turned his white face towards Remus who swallowed and nodded to assure him that they had witnessed the same thing. "H-he…he can…f-fly?" Sirius gasped, his wand hanging uselessly by his side and his eyes as wide as twin moons.

"It seems so." Remus turned and saw the figure standing in the Great Hall, the fighting was slowing down as more and more people started to turn towards the man in black. "What…what is that?"

"What is what?" Sirius stepped up to Remus' side as quiet descended around them as if someone had cast a silencio charm.

"At his f-feet…what…what is it?" Remus' voice broke, his wand fell from numb fingers and his breathing sped up. "Oh…oh no…no no no!"

Sirius stared at what he first took to be a lump of rags lying at the figures feet, it took his mind a moment to realise that it was, in fact, a body. They were merely a few feet from the shattered doors of the Great Hall, a place where Sirius had once been sorted, where he had met his best friends where he had once been deliriously happy. The man in the black robes lifted his wand, his sleeve fell back to reveal pale skin and a long fingered hand that somehow resembled a spider. He lifted his wand and the pile of rags at his feet rose into the air to hang above him and reveal the truth to all. Sirius choked and fell to his knees, his eyes glued to the bloody corpse of Albus Dumbledore. Behind him whispers began to fly through the crowd, terror and grief washed over the world, seeming to silence it.

"NO! NO ALBUS!" McGonagall's scream ripped through the early morning like a knife, tearing the silence asunder like lightening.

"You have lost! Lay down your arms and no more need die! Your leader has fallen by my hand! Bow to me and you will be forgiven! Lord Voldemort has prevailed!"

Sirius looked to his side and saw Remus gazing up at their dead headmaster with tears streaming down his cheeks, such an obvious display of emotion was almost unheard of in his friend and it seemed to tear at his heart. Slowly Sirius stood up, he picked up his wand and straightened himself his eyes narrowing furiously as he lifted his wand. There was a whisper of movement as more and more defenders began to stand, every one of them lifting their wands and pointing it at their enemies. "We will never give up!" Someone shouted, causing mutters to run over the crowd as they took up the call.

Remus wiped his sleeve across his eyes and frowned in determination, he turned to look back at those Death Eaters who stood behind him. Sirius stepped up to his side and took hold of his hand. "This is my fucking home!" He screamed and fired a jet of light towards the nearest man who toppled as if hit by a bat. All hell broke loose once again and Sirius dived into the fray without another glance back.


	9. Sanctuary Is Lost

_AN: Another chapter! :D Although the basic plot isn't all that different I decided to change a few things, I came up with an interesting idea that worked so much better than my previous one of the Death Eaters locking away the Muggleborns. The idea of a 'tagging system' came from what the Nazi's did to the Jews and those they put into their camps, I kind of liked the reflection of Wizarding and muggle worlds. I chose to use bracelets because it kind of reflects Wormtail's silver hand that he gets in GoF, and of course silver is one of Slytherin's two colours. Sirius gets a snake bracelet because of who he is, he is practically Wizarding Royalty but he isn't trustworthy so Voldemort wanted to distinguish him using a different type of bracelet to the others. I hope that gives a rough explanation, thank you to all my reviewers! I love your feedback. (any questions, please ask and I will PM replies)_

**Chapter Eight: Sanctuary Is Lost**

James felt as if there was a gaping hole in his chest, the world around him moved in slow motion, he seemed unable to truly comprehend what he had just witnessed. He felt Lily's hand in his own, it was hot and sweaty but he was too afraid to let go, in case he lost himself utterly to despair. He fought with every ounce of his being but he knew he was losing, his opponents were too many, he was surrounded and his whole body ached. He felt Lily stumble but dragged her back up again, he lost his footing momentarily but Lily was there to keep him steady. Slowly the ring of Death Eaters began to close in, he gasped in a breath feeling a stitch stab him viciously in the side, he winced and grabbed his ribs. He doubled over, trying to breathe but it was difficult. Lily put a hand on his shoulder as he finally sagged to the floor, unable to keep fighting. He choked on a sob of desperation and opened his eyes, Lily was still fighting, her wand a blur of brown in the air before her as she sent spell after spell into the mass of enemies. James knew that she wouldn't be able to keep it up forever; he surged to his feet and swayed before lifting his wand once again.

XXX

Sirius punched his opponent in the face, watching in grim satisfaction as the man's nose exploded and he fell back with a scream. He felt someone grab him from behind and lashed out viciously with his feet, he felt one boot connect with a shin and heard the man curse and release him. Yet more hands grabbed at him yet he fought on. Someone tore his wand from his fingers, leaving him even more defenceless, Sirius whipped his head back and felt an explosion of pain wash over him as it hit another person in the face. He fell to the floor, panting and gasping, his vision blurred dangerously again and he grabbed the nearest bit of rock, he turned and threw it at a masked Death Eater who shouted in pain as it hit him in the chest. Sweat, blood and tears stung his eyes and he wiped them furiously, he growled as another man grabbed hold of him, yanking him to his feet. Sirius struggled as much as he could, making the man's grip on him loosen enough for him to twist at an awkward angle, he half dropped to the floor again but felt pain lance up his arm, he felt something snap and screamed as he was released. He dropped and finally lay still, his eye sight going dark as his whole body trembled with fatigue and pain and fear. He saw a face appear in his line of vision, a smirking, familiar face that made dull rage wash through him, he snarled at her and she laughed as she raised her wand. "Good night, cousin." Sirius' vision went black and he knew no more.

XXX

Remus saw Sirius go down, he was several feet away and was completely surrounded by grinning enemies. His arm shook as he backed away from them, his wand moving rapidly from one to another, he didn't know who to hit. He shivered as a scream rent the air once again and another explosion rocked the castle to its very foundations. Laughter filled the air, cold, terrible laughter and the strength leached from Remus' body, his wand fell to his side and a jet of searing red light hit him square in the face. He crumpled to the floor and lay still.

XXX

_Gentle hands were pushed deep into his hair, hot lips were pressed against his as an even hotter tongue plundered his mouth possessively. He groaned, unable to help himself as bright, exquisite pleasure rocked him to his very core. He couldn't understand why this was so right, he was kissing someone who he had once claimed to be his brother, he still was but now everything had changed. It had been so fast, so unexpected he hadn't really stood a chance. Sirius had always been like that, impulsive, exuding seduction in every tiny thing he did, James knew that his feelings for his friend had been confused for a very long time but now it was completely thrown out of whack. Those lips were insistent, deliciously demanding and he could taste the sweet sugary taste of peppermint imps on his sinfully wicked tongue. James groaned again, lifting both his hands and gripping Sirius' waist, he had kissed girls before, quite a few actually, but this was different. This wasn't the soft, tentative kisses of mere novices this was raw passion, he could feel the strength of Sirius' body against the palms of his hands and it sent surprisingly strong shockwaves through his nervous system, as if he had been electrocuted. It was madness. He shouldn't be kissing Sirius Black, but he was and he couldn't stop. Finally, after what seemed like ten beautiful hours, Sirius pulled away. James gazed at him, his eyes were sparkling, he had never seen him look so perfectly happy before. A soft pink blush had crept into his cheeks, residing high on the bone as doubt slipped into his expression. He stepped away, avoiding James' eyes in embarrassment. "I-I…I'm sorry…I don't know what came over me…It was…it was a mistake, forget it ever happened." Before he could turn away James grabbed his wrist, yanking him back into his embrace and landing a sloppily aimed kiss on his chin, he grinned._

"_You're not going to turn me on like that and just run away are you?" James asked, still slightly out of breath from their intense kiss. When Sirius' eyes lit up with a familiar glitter James felt his heart skip a beat for the first time, their fingers entwined and he pulled Sirius closer, their lips met once again and he sighed. "You don't need to apologise, I like it."_

Slowly James opened his eyes, he spent a moment trying to get his bearings as memory came flooding back. He remembered the battle, the screams and explosions and he had the sudden urge to be sick as the memory of Dumbledore's body returned with the force of a ten tonne truck. His eyes closed again and he lifted a hand and put it to his forehead, he could feel the beginning of a headache over his right eye and knew it was going to be a killer. Finally he forced himself upright and looked around at the blurry room, he recognised the Hospital Wing immediately. The beds were taken up by the injured, he spotted Lily in the bed beside him with her eyes closed and apparently sleeping peacefully. He searched the room in desperation but couldn't see well enough to recognise anyone else, finally he reached over and picked up his glasses from the bedside table, once they were on he pushed back the covers and slid out of bed. He seemed relatively unharmed except for the bandage covering his left forearm where the werewolf had bitten him, he didn't feel any different so he assumed that he wouldn't suffer any serious long-term effects from the bite. He felt a little dizzy and confused, especially after waking from such a vivid and pleasant dream, even now he could almost feel Sirius' mouth against his, his chest pressed close and his heartbeat against his own. The memory was pleasant and made him feel a little stronger as he began making his way down the aisle looking for people he knew. He saw a few seriously injured teachers, he recognised the Gryffindor Head Girl with a thick bandage around her head and with an awful jolt realised her right hand was missing from the wrist. He turned away, unable to look for too long. He walked down the aisle, searching for his best friends but they were nowhere to be seen, once he was satisfied that they weren't in the Hospital Wing he returned to his bed and climbed back in. He could only hope that this meant that his friends had escaped injury and were fine; the other option was too dreadful to even contemplate. He didn't know where the dead were, he was sure there had to be some, he could only lie back and stare up at the ceiling and hope that his friends weren't among them.

Time slipped past and James felt his eyes growing heavy once again, despite the sounds of sobbing and pain all around him. His eyes slipped shut and he slumped into the pillows as sleep took him in her gentle hands.

XXX

Lily lay still, she didn't want to alert James to the fact that she was awake, she couldn't bear to be the bearer of bad news. James had lost consciousness before he had witnessed the last stand of his friends, but Lily had been fully aware of it. She had seen Sirius' arm break, heard him scream in agony before his cousin stunned him. She had watched Remus fall after finally being forced into submission and overwhelmed by enemies. She had watched as her best friend, Mary McDonald was grabbed by a giant hand and crushed, Lily stifled a sob as the memory threatened to break her. The blood that had exploded through the giants fingers and spattered the floor would haunt her for the rest of her life, her friends screams as she had been swept into the air, her wand flying from her desperately grasping fingers, it would all destroy her if she let it. She curled into a tight ball and covered her head with her arms in an attempt to prevent her mind from reliving the moment they had lost over and over, it was bad enough that she had been forced to watch the defence crumble, the people she had lived with for so long killed by flashes of green light, injured and beaten until finally the last wand had fallen to the rubble strewn floor. She had been forced into the Hospital Wing by a grinning Death Eater, Madam Pomfrey had been dutifully tending her charges, working tirelessly despite the fact that she was sobbing helplessly and had to continually wipe her eyes and nose on a handkerchief. The Matron had checked Lily over, healed her wounds and given her a vial of dreamless sleep. "It's my last batch, you deserve it, you fought well." She managed before stifling another sob and turning towards James. Lily had watched her tend James Potter, muttering to herself about werewolves in the school. She had yet to take the potion, she wasn't sure if she wanted to sleep, she wanted to sear the memories in her mind, nurturing the fury that came with them and allow it to turn her to steel, she would need that strength if she was ever going to have her revenge upon those who had destroyed her innocence.

XXX

Sirius felt someone's eyes upon him, he was lying on something soft and he was reluctant to get up. Finally he forced his eyes open with a groan, he pushed his hair from his eyes and blinked up at a beautifully vaulted ceiling.

"S-Sirius?"

Sirius turned his head to find himself staring at a shadowy figure, the timid voice stirred his memories and the name rose to his lips. "Pete?" He groaned again as pain flashed through his head, his eyes closed again and he lifted a hand to his forehead where a thick bandage resided. "Wh-where 'm I?" He grunted as he tried to force himself into a sitting position, he realised, a little belatedly, that his arm was also heavily bandaged and a thick piece of wood held it firmly in place.

"You're in Slughorn's quarters; they put you in here after the battle."

He would have nodded but it hurt too much to move. "What about the others? Where's Jamie?"

"The Hospital Wing, they took most people there. I'm sure he's fine."

"Good." Sirius reopened his eyes and stared blearily around the opulent room, it could only have belonged to their potions master, he was a man with expensive tastes. The bed was made from heavy mahogany wood with drapes of silver and green fabric, the colour combination made Sirius grimace. There were several stuffy arm chairs and a roaring fire in the hearth, by the side of the bed was a box of half-eaten crystallised pineapple. "Have you heard from Remus?"

"Er…no. No one's seen him since he was knocked out in the battle, I've tried searching but so far no luck."

"Where were you?" Sirius finally looked at his friend, his eyes dark and haunted and Peter couldn't hold his gaze for long. "During the fight I never saw you, what happened?"

"I…I was there. I-I saw it all…I just…I'm sorry, I just couldn't face it. I couldn't fight." His lower lip trembled as he lifted his watery blue eyes to Sirius' grey ones.

Sirius sighed heavily and fell back against the feather cushions. "I understand, you don't need to apologise, mate. I can't really say that I blame you." His eyes darkened as memories closed in around him, Peter shifted uncomfortably as Sirius seemed to stare off into the recent past. After a long moment he passed his hand over his eyes and blinked, seeming to come back to himself long enough to give Peter a weak smile. "It doesn't matter now, nothing does. Hogwarts has fallen, we've lost and we're all going to have to live through hell now. We tried, Peter, we really did but they were just too fucking strong. I-I…I've f-failed." His hands clenched into fists and his face twisted in self-hatred. "They're going to destroy the only place I could ever call home, they've taken away everything! They're going t-to make me join them and I-I'll have no choice! They'll force me to be what my parents always wanted me to be; a mindless drone that does their bidding! I-I…I can't live like that! I can't." He drew his knees to his chest and covered his head with his arms, Peter looked away and felt a mixture of embarrassment and shame as Sirius shuddered with the force of his terror. He had never seen Sirius break down in such an extreme way, at school he was generally a joker, using laughter and cruelty to cover up just how fragile he truly was inside. He felt as if he were witnessing something wrong so he stared at his feet which barely touched the floor in the chair he was sat in.

Finally Sirius managed to pull himself under control; he lifted his head and ran his sleeve across his eyes. "So, what do we do now?" He asked in a cracked voice.

"They said they were keeping you here until you woke up, I think your cousin wants to talk to you. The doors locked from the outside and they took your wand, I got in as Wormtail under the door."

Sirius nodded. "I want you to go find James and tell him not to worry, I'm fine. Tell him to just do whatever they tell him to, remember that; Do not fight! The fight is over, we lost and I won't have them hurting anyone else! I will make sure I do everything in my power to protect you all."

Peter smiled and nodded, he hopped off of the chair and ran for the door, as he went he transformed and Sirius watched the rat disappear beneath the crack of the door.

XXX

The summons came that evening, demanding that all students and remaining teachers should congregate in the Great Hall, no matter what their condition. Pomfrey was furious about it, she tried to insist that too many of her charges were far too injured to be going to meetings but the Death Eater who had delivered the message told her that unless they were unconscious they had to come, Pomfrey was forced to concede when she was threatened at wand point.

James found himself sitting at the Gryffindor house table surrounded by bewildered looking kids, many of them sporting injuries. His eyes scanned the hall and he saw that the other houses were also looking scared, their eyes lingering on the Death Eater's who surrounded the hall or the remnants of the doors that had once stood open and welcoming. Hufflepuff's muttered in tight huddles, discussing the rumours, Ravenclaw's sat in silence, staring at the banner over what had once been the teachers table, Slytherin's sat straight and gloating as they waved to their various family members. The Gryffindor's were as bad as the others, beaten and mentally broken, they stared down at their hands with shadows beneath their eyes and wounds covering their skin. James sighed and scratched at his own wound beneath the clean bandage Pomfrey had put on it, he could almost feel it burning him, as if it were infected but Pomfrey had assured him that this was quite normal for cursed wounds, no matter how shallow they were. She had also told him that Werewolves never usually bit people when they were in human form and that she couldn't tell him what the effects would be, James had pushed that concern aside. He had far more important things to worry about. Sirius was nowhere to be seen, James had scanned the hall repeatedly in case he had missed him. Then a hush fell over the crowd, eyes turned in the direction of the staff table, landing upon a tall cloaked figure who stood surrounded by henchmen. James shivered uncontrollably.

"Welcome," Voldemort said in his high, cold voice. "My friends. Today is the beginning of a new era, a time where Wizarding kind may begin to retake what is rightfully ours, a time where we can once again stand supreme above those who are weaker. It is a time that we can finally avenge all of our kind that were once oppressed, murdered and burnt all for the supposed crime of being magical. I, Lord Voldemort, intend to undo the Statue of Secrecy, I will raise Wizarding Kind above the lowly muggles, putting them back in their place beneath us. We will rule as we did all those years ago, before Merlin forced us into hiding rather than fight for what is rightfully ours." The silence in the hall was oppressive, James felt fury lick his insides like a tongue of pure flame, he clenched his hands into fists and gritted his teeth tightly. "For now, however, we must re-order this school. Hogwarts was once a place that honed magical ability, that trained its students to aim high and become as strong as they were able. Under my reign I will return this great and noble school to what it once was, under me you shall prosper and grow. We shall begin by having all those who fought us today come forward, you will kneel before me and pledge allegiance to myself and your new Headmistress." He stepped back and allowed the tall, rather beautiful woman to come forward and bow.

James tensed as a burly Death Eater grabbed him by the scruff of his robes and dragged him roughly to the teachers table. He was dropped to his knees along with several others, James' eyes met the bright green ones of Lily Evans, she looked just as terrified as he felt. When he looked up he saw one of his class mates pulled forward and pushed to his knees before Lord Voldemort and Bellatrix Lestrange, James' eyes widened as he recognised Sirius.

"Ah yes, I know you Sirius Black." Voldemort said softly, he gazed down at Sirius through his crimson eyes. "Will you pledge allegiance to me? I am always willing to forgive, especially someone of such pure blood as yours."

Sirius looked up, he was trembling from head to foot, his eyes as wide as a cornered rabbits he swallowed nervously and glanced briefly at James before looking away again. He looked directly at his cousin who smirked nastily and finally he took a shuddery breath. "I-I…I will." He whispered, his voice so low it took James a moment to wonder if he heard him correctly.

"Very good, your cousin has told me that you would join your family in Slytherin house, despite having been sorted into Gryffindor."

"Y-yes sir." Sirius muttered.

"Excellent, now lift your left arm."

Sirius did as he was instructed, his eyes closing tightly as if he expected pain. Voldemort grabbed his wrist and held him firmly as he pointed his wand at the vulnerable skin. "You do not deserve my mark, you are still untrustworthy, for now you shall all receive this little token as proof to everyone that you once fought against me. It will serve to act as a way to ensure your loyalty and to tell others of your previous treachery." As he finished speaking James saw a glistening line of silver liquid appear and wrap itself around Sirius' wrist like a snake. When it was done it froze solid, taking on the form of a serpent with its tail in its mouth. Sirius seemed to sag when Voldemort released him, Bellatrix took hold of his arm and pulled him out of the way for the next person. James watched as several people were treated to the same thing, except that everyone else received plain silver bracelets that resembled manacles rather than the elegant serpent that surrounded Sirius' wrist. James was brought before the Dark Lord, he stared up at him, his eyes filling with anger and hatred, when those cold fingers wrapped around his wrist he tried to yank himself free. "LET GO OF ME!" He shouted, finally releasing himself and falling back a step. He glared daggers at Lord Voldemort who studied him as if he were a rather fascinating magical object.

"Ah, someone with some fight still left in them. What is your name boy?"

James puffed himself out, his hands clenching at his sides and his eyes narrowing angrily. "My name is James Potter!" He declared loudly.

"A Potter, yes, very old family. If I recall your father is Charlus?" He didn't wait for James to answer. "You could do well if you were to renounce your hatred and work towards serving me, you could gain so much power."

James mustered the very last of his waning courage, he stood tall against those terrible crimson eyes and spat at Lord Voldemort's feet. He heard Sirius shout something and a loud slap that made him fall silent, James didn't dare look away. "I would rather die." He said in his coldest voice.

"Oh no, you are still far too valuable to me alive. You will not die but you can be punished for your insolence. Lestrange."

"My Lord?" A large man stepped forward and aimed his wand directly at James' face, James closed his eyes and took a breath.

"Punish him, show these others what happens to those who are disrespectful."

"Gladly."

"JAMIE! JAMIE NO!"

James opened his eyes and saw Sirius fighting a blond man who was struggling to keep him still, his face was white as a sheet and his eyes full of terror. He watched Sirius for as long as he could before crimson light hit him in the chest and he screamed.


	10. After The Fall

_AN: A little chapter concentrating on Sirius and James, a little bit more interaction between them and a bit more of Regulus. I hope you enjoy and I hope this explains a few things I didn't put into the previous chapter. Enjoy. :)_

**Chapter Nine: After The Fall**

James' eyes opened slowly, his body ached from head to foot and he couldn't prevent a soft groan from escaping his bloodied lips. He barely had any memory of actually being tortured, his first taste of the cruciatus had left him feeling empty and unbearably weak. He felt something holding his hand tightly and forced his eyes open, he found himself staring up into a blurry, pale oval of a face surrounded by black. "S-Siri?" He muttered and felt cold fingers tighten on his own.

"Yeah, it's me. Here." His glasses were pushed gently onto his face and Sirius came into sharper focus. "We don't have much time together…" Sirius muttered, his voice low as if he were in the room of a dying person, he glanced over his shoulder and James realised that they were in the Gryffindor Dorm. "Malfoy will come and get me soon."

"What happened? Why did you agree to Voldemort's demands?" James struggled into a sitting position, he saw Sirius' eyes move to the bandage on his arm and he frowned.

"I had to protect you and get my wand back." Sirius replied, brushing the comment away with a wave of his free hand and returning his gaze to James'. "I convinced my cousin that you'd be more valuable alive than dead, she agreed and gave me some terms…It was the only thing I could do at the time. At least it's bought us more time together." He smiled sadly and ran his thumb over the palm of James' hand, the touch was gentle and comforting. "As I said, Malfoy's here to escort me to the Slytherin common room where I will be a good little boy and do exactly as my mother tells me." Sirius' face twisted momentarily and exposed the seething anger and hatred behind his calm mask, it was quickly covered but he could never hide anything from his best friend. "For now it will work, until we can find a way out of this situation."

"But what about the others? Remus and Peter and Lily?"

"They're fine, so far as I know. Although I haven't seen Remus since the battle, I'm sure he's alive, we'd know if he was dead. I'm doing everything I can to ensure your safety but even I have my limits, they don't trust me and are using blackmail to keep me in line-I…" He trailed off, cocking his head to the side as if he was listening to something before he shook his head and gently removed his hand from James'. "I'm sorry, I hope you can forgive me."

"What are they blackmailing you with?" James asked, making to grab Sirius' hand and return the comforting touch, but Sirius pulled away and stood up.

"My brother. They're threatening to murder Regulus unless I do as I'm told…He doesn't know and I intend to keep it that way."

"But he's your brother, doesn't Voldemort need your family's help?"

"He does but to him, Regulus is just the spare, he's heir insurance if you like. The family needs a male head and I'm the eldest, I'm the one who is supposed to inherit everything including our political responsibilities. Regulus is just there as backup in case I die, he's basically not worth as much to the Dark Lord as I am." Sirius glanced back to the door, fiddling with the sleeve of his robes in agitation, James noticed that he was clean and well presented, something that seemed strange when Sirius usually went around with crumpled robes, his tie undone and his hair unbound. "I haven't got much time."

"Sirius, you don't have to do this! Don't give into your parents demands so easily!"

Sirius looked at him through his fringe, his eyes dark and empty as if a Dementor had sucked out his soul. James shivered as a cloud passed over the weak sun, sending shadows dancing across Sirius' handsome face, it made him look eerily gaunt, as if he had been starved for a very long time. James could see the man he would become and the sight scared him almost more than the battle had, he swallowed a lump in his throat and reached out, taking Sirius' hand and drawing him to the bed where he sat. "It's only temporary, Jamie. All I care about is your safety." Sirius said in a soft whisper, lifting his hand and touching James' face with the tips of his frozen fingers. "I love you."

"Sirius, you turn sixteen soon."

Sirius flinched back, turning away and glaring at the floor. "I know."

"They'll expect you to do it, you know? They'll force you to."

"And if we haven't thought about how to get out of this situation by then I'll do it." Sirius sighed and stood up, brushing his robes down and straightening his shoulders, his pony tail slid over his shoulder and he managed a grim smile. "Hey, it could be ok, you know? I can live with anything they throw at me as long as I know you're alive."

"B-but what about us? What about what we have?" James leaned forward, grabbing Sirius' hand in his own before he could turn away.

"Jamie…" Sirius' voice caught in his throat, his eyes sparkled and the vision James had had of the man he would become was shattered. Now all James could see was a very scared, very uncertain boy. "Don't make this any harder than it already is."

"I'm not, I'm asking what we're going to do. What is going to become of us?"

"I-I don't know." Sirius' shoulders slumped and he looked down at his left hand where the snake bangle glittered in the sunlight streaming through the window. "This thing…it inhibits my magic, I-I can't change anymore, I can't turn into Padfoot. They've taken away my last hiding place and now I've got to live with all these emotions." He spat the word as if it tasted bad on his tongue and turned furious eyes on James. "It's going to break me, I can already feel it. It's overwhelming."

"You can do it, you're stronger than you think. You know running away from your emotions never really worked to begin with, you were only postponing the problems."

"I think it's because for years I've had to suppress myself and now I can't handle all these emotions, they're too much. Grief…what is that? I've never known it before until I saw y-you s-screaming a-and I…and I couldn't…c-couldn't…" Sirius lifted shaking hands to his eyes and covered them James gripped his shoulder tightly, acting as an anchor for him. "Jamie? I'm s-scared." His voice dropped to a whisper, as if he was afraid of admitting the truth.

"I know, so am I." James replied, unable to give comfort.

"My mum sent me a message, she told me to get on with it, to protect my brother…it's the only thing we've ever agreed on. Jamie, I'm going to do it. I'm going to do whatever it takes to make sure that he lives."

"I know, but we'll find a way to help him without you having to bow to your family, Sirius. I promise I'm going to help you."

Sirius looked up, his eyes shining oddly, he pushed a hand through James' messy hair and pressed a soft kiss to his lips. "Have you chosen yet?" He breathed, his eyes squeezed tightly shut.

"Sirius, now is not the time."

"It's as good a time as any." Sirius' eyes opened and James saw the agonising hope in them. "Do you want me? Am I what you truly desire, Jamie? Or do you want a family, to raise children and have a wife? You need to make a decision…not just for me but for yourself. You have to make up your mind one day; is it me or Lily?"

"I'm not choosing, not now. It's too much on top of everything else." James watched as the hope died in Sirius' eyes, he smiled but there was no emotion behind it. He pulled away and stood up again, staring out of the window as if he were looking at something beyond the horizon.

"No matter what you choose, I'll always be there for you. If you find you want Lily then I'll support you, I'll be your friend, not matter how much it kills me." He smiled again, this time the expression was much more natural. "I'll never stop loving you."

James abruptly grabbed Sirius and yanked him onto the bed, he was unable to control the urge to hold him, to kiss him and so he gave into it. He breathed in Sirius' scent, like coconuts and cologne, it drove him crazy as desire ripped through him. He gasped, nipping at Sirius' bottom lip and earning a soft groan in response, Sirius' fingers tore at his collar, pulling his shirt open as he went into auto pilot. James grabbed Sirius' wrists, feeling the cool metal beneath his fingers and the almost painful tingle that raced over his skin at the contact with such a powerfully magical object. It only served to make him more aggressive, he wanted to reassure Sirius that he still had strong feelings for him, he wanted Sirius to never forget who he was and to know that James was there. Sirius kissed back with just as much passion, his mouth hot and wet and his stuttered breaths caressed James' skin making him shudder violently. Sirius slipped a hand beneath James' tatty shirt, his fingers leaving cool trails over his chest while his other hand drifted south. Just as the tips of Sirius' fingers reached the waist band of James' trousers a loud knock on the door forced them apart.

"Black! Get out here now, your time is up!"

Sirius shivered and closed his eyes, his lips parted as he tried to force his raging hormones under control. Finally he opened his eyes and sat up, nearly knocking his head into James'. "Alright! I'll be out in a minute." He snapped in the direction of the door, his face falling into a furious frown. "James, we'll be together again, I promise."

"Don't make promises you can't be sure to keep." James replied, buttoning his shirt back up and glaring at his hands angrily.

Sirius chuckled lightly, the sound oddly normal in the highly unusual situation. "This is one promise I will make sure I keep, my hand won't keep me satisfied forever." He stood up and straightened himself out, letting his robes fall back into place and smoothing his hair down before finally turning to take one last longing look at James. "I'll see you around." He said in a tight voice before striding to the door and yanking it open, Malfoy stood there with his arms folded across his chest and an angry frown on his pointed face.

"You took your time, Black. I hope you weren't planning rebellion in there."

Sirius sneered and the expression made James' whole body go cold, he could finally see the family resemblance between himself and his cousin Bellatrix. "Don't be so fucking stupid Malfoy, I've got my priorities straight. Let's get out of here before you start to melt, it must torture for you to be in here, surrounded by actual human beings." Sirius stalked past his cousin's husband and ignored Malfoy's acidic reply, James watched them go in silence, grief stole over his heart and he sighed heavily as he fell back into bed and covered his eyes with his arms.

XXX

The Slytherin common room was filled with watery light that filtered down through the water above them, Sirius gazed around in vague curiosity, he had heard it described to him many times but he had never been in himself. There was a large bookshelf upon which many old books lay, some bound in leather that looked ancient, Sirius' curiosity flared as he eyed the books, at least he would have something to do in his spare time. Malfoy put a firm hand on his shoulder, his fingers digging into the muscle painfully but Sirius refused to wince or give any sign that it hurt. "Welcome to your new home, Black. I'm sure that you will enjoy your time here."

Sirius looked around at the Slytherin students, noting all those who sent him looks of disdain, he was used to it, he lived with it when he wasn't at Hogwarts and he could live with it now. These people meant nothing to him. "I'm sure we'll get on like a house on fire." He said, looking down his nose at Mulciber, Avery (who had somehow been turned back into human form) and Snape. "Many of us are old friends." He put on his best smirk and watched Avery send him a poisonous glare.

"Just be sure to follow orders, Black. Rebellion will not be tolerated." Malfoy released him and smiled nastily. "I hope you do slip up, it would give me no end of joy to see you brought to your knees."

"He probably spends a lot of his time on his knees in front of Potter, he's used to it." Avery sneered, his eyes glittering maliciously.

"Oh dear, I didn't know you swung that way, Avery! Your mother must be most disappointed, to think that her only son spends his time thinking about me blowing my best friend!"

"Fuck off, Black, you know what I meant." Avery flushed crimson and looked away.

"You won't be welcomed here." Snape said softly as he lowered the book he had been reading, Sirius noted that it was the sixth year potions text book. "Do not expect friendly reception, we don't like bloodtraitors."

"I can assure you Snivellus, the feeling is mutual. I'm not here to make any friends."

Malfoy leaned down and whispered in Sirius' ear, he shivered and could hear the smirk in his smug voice. "Enjoy yourself, _cousin_." He hissed the word as if it were a curse before releasing Sirius and leaving him alone with his new housemates.

Everyone stared at him and Sirius held his head high, meeting everyone's eyes and daring them to speak but it seemed that they had said all there was to say. He turned and went towards the door to the fifth year dorms, he was halted when someone said his name, he turned to find his brother standing behind him. "Sirius, we need to talk."

Sirius let a natural smile grace his face and gestured to the dorms which were empty, Regulus followed him inside and, just before he closed the door, the room erupted into excited chatter. When they were alone Sirius turned to his brother, looking at him and noting that the bruise he had caused had been healed. "What do you want, Reg?"

"I just wanted to say that if you get your act together we could go back to the way things were before…well…before you became a Bloodtraitor."

Sirius sighed and moved to the bed where his trunk now stood. "Reg, I'll always be a bloodtraitor, you know that."

"Why? Why can't you change? I don't want to see you hurt again! I don't want our family to continue to argue all the time. Why do you have to be so-so _awful_?"

"I am who I am, nothing can change that. I'm sorry, little brother but there are things going on that are far bigger than our stupid family feuds. There are more important things than following the rules and being good."

"But you're the heir! You can become so much if you just stopped-"

"Stopped what? Stopped being myself? Change everything I am to please parents that wouldn't care if I lived or died?" Sirius smiled bitterly. "Regulus, you're the one they love, not me. Even if I was the perfect son I'd still be the outcast, just look at Alphard, mother hates him but he's still good enough to remain on that stupid family tree at home. I can't change now, it's been too long and I know that I'll never be loved by mum and dad, so why bother?"

Regulus sighed heavily and rubbed at his eyes as if he were tired, he sank down onto the nearest bed and gazed sadly at his older brother. "I don't think I can take much more arguing."

Sirius smiled weakly and held out his hands. "I wish things were different." He said.

"They could be different if you'd just be different." Regulus stood up and shook his head. "It's not that hard, Sirius."

"Mum and Dad love you, you've never experienced their cruelty and anger." Sirius lowered his head as if it was paining him, he rubbed his temples and grit his teeth. "You don't know what it's like to live with that kind of abuse, it hurts, Reg. When they call me useless and a waste of space I start to believe them, I start to second guess myself in everything I do and it's torture. I can't live like that."

"You can stop it, you can turn into a better son, a better person. You can agree to the engagement with Rosa and-"

"I can't." Sirius looked up and frowned at his brother. "I have my reasons and marriage is certainly not on the cards for me."

"But why? I've seen her picture, she's stunning!"

Sirius sneered. "Looks aren't everything and even if they were I'd still refuse."

"You could start a family, Sirius! You could become a Dad and make our parents proud."

"Reg, just listen for once; I can't marry. Not Rosa, not anyone! Do you understand?"

"Not really." Regulus frowned at his brother, becoming angry by his stubborn refusal to agree to anything his parents suggested. If he got an offer of marriage he would jump at the chance, especially to a beautiful girl like Rosa Gamp. "You're being stupid and childish, you're turning sixteen soon and you know that's when our parents intend to seal the contract of engagement, why can't you get married? Everyone does it."

"Alphard's not married."

"Yeah well, every family has one weirdo."

"We seem to have quite a few." Sirius smirked and he saw Regulus trying to suppress his own smile. "I know you don't understand why I can't get married but please don't push me anymore, I'm tired."

"It's not 'can't' though, is it? It's 'won't'. There's a difference, you may as well tell the truth."

"Actually it's a little bit of both." Sirius muttered, frowning at his new bed spread with its giant silver snake sewn onto it. "If I could marry I would like to, it would be nice to be able to seal your love with a ceremony and a ring and all the other stuff that comes with it but I'm not allowed."

"What on earth are you talking about?" Regulus lifted an eyebrow in confusion.

"Doesn't matter, Reg. Just forget what I said and go get some sleep, we've got lessons tomorrow."

"I can't just forget, there's something going on that I don't understand…from what you're telling me you can't get married but you would if you could and you won't marry Rosa…that doesn't make any sense! Well, it doesn't if you're talking about marrying a girl-" His eyes widened and Sirius stood up, he walked towards the door and put his hand on it, Regulus noticed how much he was shaking.

"Come on, it's time to go." Sirius said softly, pulling open the door and waiting there patiently for his brother to leave.

"S-Sirius…a-are you…are you trying to tell me t-that y-you're…?"

"_Good bye_, Reg." Sirius' face darkened and he spoke forcefully, his eyes turning as dark as storm clouds.

"But…but that means that…oh…oh Merlin! Are the rumours true? Are you and Potter…? Have you actually had _s-sex_? With a _boy_?" Regulus got his confirmation when Sirius blushed, his brother rarely blushed. "Oh…oh no…My own brother…"

"Are you finished?" Sirius said in a tight voice, his fingers white on the handle of the door.

"Yes, yes I think I am." Regulus was pale, he was staring at his brother in a whole new light. Sirius was in a sexual relationship with his best friend, he was in love with another boy. He walked to the door as if he were walking on air, he caught himself just as he reached Sirius and cleared his throat. "I think deep down…I think I knew."

"Wish I did earlier, it would've saved me a lot of hassle."

"If mum and dad find out they'll…"

"Yeah, I know."

Regulus gave his brother one last, hard look before smiling weakly. "I understand a lot now."

Sirius returned his expression. "Yeah, I didn't mean to hide it from you…it's just that I didn't want it getting around, obviously."

"I'll keep it a secret but you won't be able to hide it forever."

"I don't know, I think I will take this secret to my grave."

"Good night, Sirius."

"'night, Reg."

The door closed behind Regulus and Sirius slumped against it, he sighed and looked up at the dark stone ceiling.


	11. Sons of War

**Chapter Ten: Sons of War**

Breakfast time in the Great Hall was completed in virtual silence, only a few students in Slytherin house were talking. Sirius sat at the end of the Slytherin table alone and as far from his house mates as he could possibly get without actually sitting on the floor, he picked absently at his food, unable to stomach it, merely eating out of habit. He leaned his head on one hand and sighed as the morning post owls appeared, they soared down towards their owners and one landed before Sirius. He gazed at it and recognised his parents owl, reluctantly he set aside his plate and took the envelope from its beak, it hooted at him softly before taking off again. Sirius stared down at the letter, following his mother's familiar, beautiful script with his eyes before tearing it open with a knife and pulling the letter free. He felt his stomach attempt to escape through his feet as his mother told him that he was to come home during the Christmas break, his face twisted in disgust and he stuffed the letter deep into his pocket where it seemed to burn through his robes. He lifted his eyes and gazed over at the Gryffindor table where James sat between Lily and Peter, none of them appeared to be very hungry. Sirius watched James glaring angrily at his toast, sipping tea from his cup and sending furious looks over at the teachers table where several new teachers now sat. The real death toll of the battle had been conveyed to them right before they had begun breakfast by Bellatrix who had had a grin on her face, several students had burst into hysterical tears only to find themselves silenced by a large death eater. Bella had explained that they had lost several teachers including McGonagall, Flitwick and Sprout. Sirius looked over the remaining teachers and saw defeat in their eyes, he knew that none of them would be doing anymore fighting any time soon, he could relate to that. The hopelessness of their situation grew in his heart, turning it to stone. He no longer felt angry or resentful, he only concentrated on one thing; he was alive and he was able to ensure that those he loved survived. It was the only way he could cope with all that had happened, even the nightmares were bearable if he focussed on living through this dark time. At the end of the day they were all little more than children, what could a few teenagers do about Voldemort and his cronies? They were too weak, too small to go up against such an intense dark force. Sirius knew they stood no chance of changing things, and so he had decided to do whatever it took to survive, even if it meant destroying himself in the process.

XXX

Lily watched in trepidation as a Death Eater, still wearing his mask, stood up along with Bellatrix Lestrange, their new headmistress. She smiled at them all and clasped her hands together, Lily had to admit she was a stunning looking woman with her long, thick dark hair and heavily lidded eyes. But she could also see the madness that was barely hidden behind the thin veneer of aristocratic elegance. Something about the woman made Lily's skin crawl but she also seemed vaguely familiar as if she had seen her somewhere before, but that was impossible, she hadn't known Bellatrix until the war had begun.

"I do hope you all enjoyed your breakfast, my dears." She said in a voice that carried to the back of the hall, the few people who were talking stopped and looked at her. "We have had a little change to this year's time tables, I am sending them all to you now so that you may see. Some lessons have been altered, as you will note when you receive your time tables. Defence against the Dark Arts is now going to simply be The Dark Arts, your new Minister wants you to learn all about the magic that has been unavailable to you, he wants you all to learn about the wonders that you have been missing." She smiled as several of her Death Eaters began walking down the house tables and handing out little bits of paper to each student. "Some subjects have not been changed, such as Herbology, but for unfortunate reasons there have had to have been some staff changes. I do hope you enjoy the first day of our new regime and remember punishments will be swift and severe so, if you are thinking about disobeying us I would keep that in mind. Filch will be patrolling the corridors frequently so that we don't have anyone attempting to skive off of class. Thank you, you are dismissed." She sat back down and her eyes followed the Slytherin students, Lily turned and watched them all rise and pick up their bags, she spotted Sirius dawdling and fussing with his own bag with a brooding frown on his handsome face. She felt James stand up with a heavy sigh and sling his bag over his shoulder.

"Hey, Lily, get up we've got Dark Arts first thing."

"They're really throwing us straight in at the deep end aren't they?" Peter muttered, stuffing his time table back into his pocket.

"Whatever punishments they've devised I can assure you now that I'm having no part in hurting another human being. I don't care what they do to me." He glared up at the teachers table before turning away, the bracelet on his wrist flashed in the sunlight streaming down from the high windows.

"But James, they could kill you!" Peter gasped, jogging to keep pace with his friend.

"They wouldn't dare." James muttered darkly, his face a picture of anger. "I'm important to them, Sirius made sure of that. He agreed to join his family on the condition that we survive; I'm not going to waste this opportunity."

"What's the point in fighting now? They've won! Dumbledore's dead! We have nothing to gain by fighting."

James turned on his friend and Peter took a step back in shock. "I am never, _ever_ going to just sit back and watch as the world I know is destroyed! I refuse to bow to Voldemort and his Death Eaters when I know that they're so wrong! I won't just stand by as people are hurt and killed before my eyes, not while I'm standing. I won't do it. Never ask me to. So long as I am in a position to help I will, even if it only leads to my death, I will die knowing that I have fought for my beliefs, that I stood up for myself and all those others who couldn't!"

Lily gazed at James with wide eyes, she felt her heart flutter in her chest as he spoke and saw him in a whole new light, as if a veil had been lifted from her eyes. She hadn't really liked him before the war had come to their doorstep, she had thought that he was a boastful, immature prat but now she could see that there was steel in him. He was a lot more than she originally thought and that made him far more attractive to her. "I agree, we have to stand up for our beliefs. I mean, they're not exactly going treat me with respect, are they?" She held up her own bracelet which had an inscription on it that declared to the world that she was a 'Mudblood'. James' own told people that he was a bloodtraitor but he had decided that, rather than hiding it, he would show it off. He was proud to be a Bloodtriator, he was glad that he was dissociated from other purebloods who thought that Muggles and muggleborns were less than human. He smiled at Lily who blushed and returned his smile with one of her own.

They entered the classroom and noticed that the room had been divided up into sections, one for the Purebloods, one for the Muggleborn's and one for the Half-blood's. James gave Lily an apologetic look and moved to the right side of the room while she shrugged and went left, she sat down and got out her books and awaited their new teacher.

XXX

Sirius sat down on the Pureblood side of the room, he looked around and spotted James sitting at the back with his arms folded across his chest and a dark look on his face. He hadn't removed any books so only his wand sat on the table, within easy reach. Sirius met his eyes and saw James' face soften, his lips twitched in a familiar smile which Sirius returned, he nodded towards Peter who was sitting in his seat looking morose. When the teacher entered Sirius turned back to the front of the classroom, he dug out his quill and began turning it slowly in his fingers as he waited for the teacher to begin.

"Good morning class, my name is Professor Berk and I am here to teach you all about the Dark Arts. As our venerable headmistress explained at breakfast, our Dark Lord has decided that you no longer need to defend yourself against something that is no longer against the law. In his esteemed wisdom he has decided to give you the education you have been so lacking in. We will begin with an explanation of what an Inferi is and how one is created." The man grinned, revealing slightly yellowing teeth, his eyes swept the Pureblood side of the room and ignored the Muggleborn's all together.

Sirius looked down at his quill, frowning at it as if hoping it would explode. He tried to sink into himself, hoping he wouldn't be picked to answer. Unfortunately Berk decided that he wished to embarrass him. "Black, why don't you tell us what you know?"

Sirius swallowed, "An Inferi is-"

"Stand up and speak so that the whole class can hear you."

Sirius sent the teacher a heated glare that merely caused the man to smirk smugly, he stood up slowly, his finger tips resting lightly on his desk as he stared hard at the opposite wall. "An Inferi is a corpse that has been reanimated by a Dark Witch or Wizard." He muttered in a dull monotone.

"Yes, very good and how is one created?"

Sirius' eyes darted to James whose face had fallen into a frown, Sirius looked away again, he didn't want to see James' face turn angry. "I-I…I don't know." He tried, giving the Teacher an imploring look that made no difference what so ever.

"Oh I'm sure you do, you are, after all, a Black and your parents are rather renowned for keeping certain family secrets from the authorities. I'm sure you found books in your house and read them, as any curious child would."

Sirius frowned and looked down at his hands, his hair fell in front of his burning face and he could almost feel James' disappointment. "You need a f-fresh corpse." He whispered.

"Speak up, the whole class needs to hear you."

Sirius lifted his head, his eyes sparkling with anger, he knew what Berk was doing, he was intentionally trying to divide Sirius from his friends by making him look bad. "You need a fresh corpse!" He said, raising his voice so that everyone could hear him. "Preferably one that has just died, otherwise they end up falling apart and rotting before you can make them do anything. An Inferi is merely a body that is put under a spell to move and follow the orders of the Wizard who has created it. There is no soul there; it is not alive in any sense of the word. The spell to use it is obvious; _Inferius_."

"Excellent, ten points to Slytherin. Now then, I have here a rather excellent example of a fresh corpse, I want each of you to come forward and turn it into an Inferi. I don't expect you to get it right on the first try, it is a rather difficult spell to master." Berk was smiling as if he was going to give them all a nice treat as he stepped towards his desk that was covered in a black cloth, Berk whipped the cloth back like a magician doing a trick and grinned at the students. Sirius' eyes widened as he saw the corpse of Albus Dumbledore lying there, his face white and his hands clasped on his chest as if he were being prepared for his funeral. All around him students cried out in horror, he heard someone crying loudly from somewhere at the back of the room, someone else gasped and toppled off their chair in a faint but Sirius only had eyes for the corpse. It seemed to drag his attention towards it, he felt stupidly guilty, as if he had been the one to kill him. He swallowed a hard lump that had developed in his throat and forced his eyes away, instead he stared at his hands as they shook in his lap.

"You want us to make an Inferi of our old Headmaster?" Someone gasped, making Berk's smile widen.

"Oh yes, this is suitable punishment for those of you who dared defy our Dark Lord. You will defile your beloved Headmaster's body using a magic he despised."

"That is sick!" James' voice made Sirius look around, he saw his friend staring at Dumbledore with wide eyes, his face was white but his hands clenched into fists at his sides as he shook with anger. "Not only are we a class of children but we respected this man! He helped so many people! How dare you treat him like this?!"

"You must be Potter, the Headmistress warned me of you young man." Berk said slowly as he stepped away from his desk. "Would you like to have the first go, or would you prefer to be made an example of in front of everyone here?"

James straightened his shoulders, he shared a brief look with Sirius who shook his head rapidly, eyes wide with fear but he knew it was useless, James would die before bending to the wishes of their new masters. "Punish me, I don't care. I'm not going to use Dark Magic."

"Very well then, let's see how you feel after your punishment." Berk grinned and lifted his wand, Sirius felt his legs move before he could stop himself. He dived into the line of fire and held up his shaking hands.

"Stop!" He gasped, his chest aching from terror. "Don't touch him! I-I…I'll do it!"

"You're offering to take his punishment for him?" Berk asked, arching an eyebrow curiously.

"Yes." Sirius stared nervously at the wand as it dipped slightly.

"Very well then, use the spell on the corpse and I'll be lenient." He lowered his wand and watched Sirius intently. "Bellatrix won't be impressed if we torture her dear cousin." Whispers spread through the crowd, most of them from the Gryffindor's in the room, Lily gasped and lifted her hand to her mouth as she realised why Bellatrix seemed so familiar to her.

Sirius hid his emotions behind a mask, he took a breath and picked up his own wand as he stepped forward. "Sirius, don't do this! You know what could happen!" He paused and turned to look at James, he gave him a brief smile.

"I'll be alright Jamie, just…just sit back down." He said softly and returned his attention to Dumbledore's body. "It probably won't work anyway." He lifted his wand and pointed it at the corpse, he tried to imagine it as another person, someone he didn't know, but it was impossible to forget all the times he had been sent to the Headmaster's office for misdemeanours. He remembered Dumbledore offering him sweets, the way he smiled at him after McGonagall had ranted about his latest prank, he remembered trying to stifle his sniggers when he sat beside James before the old man's desk and the times when he was certain he caught Dumbledore smiling behind McGonagall's back. He remembered sitting in the Headmaster's office in his first year with his parents after they had discovered that he had been sorted into Gryffindor, how Dumbledore had point blank refused to allow Sirius to be resorted, despite his parent's insistence that he had somehow tricked the hat into putting him into the wrong house. He remembered that after they had left in fuming silence, Dumbledore had told him that it was ok that he didn't want to be put into Slytherin and it didn't make him any less of a Gryffindor, he had been patient and kind and supportive when all other adults around him had been scorning and hurtful.

He swallowed the pain those memories brought up, shoving it as far down as it would go before speaking softly. "I'm sorry. I have no choice…" He took a deep breath and closed his eyes. "_Inferius._"

At first he thought that the spell hadn't worked, he opened his eyes as relief washed over him but, before he had a chance to smile, Dumbledore's eyes opened. Sirius stumbled back a step, his eyes widening with surprise as the corpse rose and stood, towering over him and looking at him through cold, dead eyes. The class was silent, their breathing short and sharp as they stared at what Sirius had done, the desecration of a body. Sirius lowered his shaking hand and looked at their teacher who was nodding appreciatively. "Very good, well done." He said and grinned. "Now, release the spell."

Sirius did as instructed and felt a surge of relief when those terrible eyes closed and the body sank back onto the desk, his knees went weak and he slumped back into his seat, lowering his head and pushing his hands into his hair.

That night Sirius suffered the worst nightmares he had since he was a child. He was stood in an empty class room, upon the teachers desk lay an empty shroud, Sirius' hackles rose and he spun around to find a tall, bearded figure blocking the door way. He stepped forward and moonlight illuminated Dumbledore's face, but, rather than the kindly old man he had been when alive his face was shrivelled like an ancient mummy's. His hair was brittle and wiry, his hands curled into vicious claws and his eyes, his eyes were blank and white. He shuffled forwards, his hands outstretched and his mouth open to reveal a serpent instead of a tongue, the snake hissed at Sirius who stumbled backwards. He was wandless and alone, and terror ripped through him as he realised he was frozen to the spot. Those horrible, wizened hands clutched at his throat, nails that resembled claws scratched at his face and throat before closing and crushing his wind pipe. He couldn't breathe, his own hands lay limp and useless by his sides, his body struggled for breath but to no avail. Finally the world dimmed, the snake hissed joyously and seemed to grin at him, just as the world darkened he woke with a jolt, almost screaming as he bit down on the back of his hand to stifle the noise. He sat up in bed, gasping and panting in terror, his heart pounding against his rib cage and sweat slowly drying on his face and chest. He put his head in his hands while he attempted to calm himself down, it was just a nightmare, a stupid dream. Slowly he gathered himself together and sighed heavily as he lay back down and gazed up at the ceiling, he pushed his mind towards thoughts of James and eventually fell back to sleep with happy memories and a smile on his lips.

**END NOTE: So, yes, Sirius does use Dark Magic here. I know some people won't like it but keep in mind the kind of family he was brought up in, in OOTP it is stated that the house was full of dark objects, do you really think that Sirius, as an inquisitive child, wouldn't have found books on Dark Magic and read them? I think he would have. He would know spells many of his peers wouldn't, that doesn't mean he would use them but in this story he doesn't see any choice and if he hadn't done what the teacher told him to James would have been tortured again and he couldn't handle that so he did it to save his lover/best friend, which in my opinion would be something he would have done in canon, destroying himself so that his friends could survive. Sirius was loyal to a fault, he would have thrown away his life for James, and Dark Magic is supposed to be highly addictive and dangerous, he wouldn't think twice about ruining his soul if it could ensure the safety of his loved ones. But, as you can see from his nightmare, he feels guilty for it, he despises the fact that he used the spell and is torturing himself through his own dreams.**


	12. Eternal Love

_AN: Ah, I'm sorry for the slow updates, I hope people are still reading this story. This chapter is basically focussing again on James and Sirius, seeing as this is the main pairing, Remus will reappear soon, don't worry about that! Thank you to all my lovely reviewers, I do enjoy hearing what you think, if there's any questions or anything please feel free to PM me or whatever! Enjoy._

**Chapter Eleven: Eternal Love**

The days leading up to the Christmas break were slow and filled with misery. James spent time worrying about his friends and was forced to watch as Sirius slowly distanced himself, he watched him almost as constantly as he had watched Lily, he was unable to miss the stiff posture and deep frown that he now wore. There was no longer much laughter in his eyes, they were constantly dark and brooding and James hated it. He tried to speak to Sirius who merely gave him a pained look before shaking his head and turning away, James had never known such a simple gesture could hurt so much. His grades in his classes had dropped to the point where he was in detention nearly all the time, not that he cared, he refused to practice Dark Magic, no matter how benign seeming. He stuck to his ideals and took pride in his own strength to resist his constant punishments. But deep down he wondered just how long he would be able to keep it up, he was already walking around with shaking hands and he was becoming a little jumpy, his body was in a lot of pain despite Madam Pomfrey's constant stream of potions and spells. He knew that somehow he had to keep going, he had to keep his head high and try to give off the impression of confidence or those few people who were looking to him for guidance would give up all hope, he had become a kind of beacon and his fellow class mates took courage in his stand against tyranny, he couldn't throw it all away by showing weakness. Only Lily and Peter ever saw just how hard things were becoming for him, when he reached the dorms he would fall onto his bed and curl into a ball as his body wracked him with pain, he would lie still for a long time as he overcame the agony and was able to sit up. Lily was always there, usually with a potion and soft words of comfort, she seemed convinced that her words had no effect but when she was by his side James always felt better.

He was aware of how difficult things were for Lily as well, he could see the way she held herself, as if she was ready for a sudden attack at any second. He could see the pain in her eyes whenever someone called her names or made snide remarks, she ignored them with a dignity James admired but it was obviously still affecting her. She rarely smiled anymore, her eyes conveying the truth of the pain and stress she was under, like most people in the castle, she too was suffering. Peter was bullied worse than ever, his grades had dropped as badly as James' and he was spending his time panicking when he was unable to correctly do a spell or essay, he had bitten his nails right down to the quick and his hair was falling out. At night James was privy to his tears, he usually pretended to be asleep as he knew Peter wouldn't appreciate his intervention but it was hard to listen to. Poor Peter, the weakest of them, was struggling so badly he was slowly turning grey at the roots.

The person James was most concerned about was Remus, no one had seen or heard from him since the battle and it played on James' mind so much he had nightmares about what had happened to him. He knew Remus was strong, he could probably withstand quite a lot of abuse but it hurt James to imagine the possibilities. When he dared to ask a teacher they merely grinned at him evilly and told him that he would have to wait and see what they had in store for the 'filthy dog'.

James' world was collapsing around him and he was having a difficult time holding it together, he could feel himself cracking beneath the surface, his mind slowly sagging under the weight of his responsibility to his friends and class mates. He couldn't protect everyone, it was unreasonable to think that but each time someone was punished he couldn't help but feel guilty, as if he had wielded the wand himself. His only consolation in his darkening world was that Sirius was close by, not as close as he would have liked, but they still saw each other. Sirius was paler than usual and had dark shadows beneath his eyes but he looked like he was holding up as best he could. He was forced to watch as Sirius' true magical knowledge was forcefully brought into the open, he tried to resist but eventually the Death Eater teachers would threaten him and he would yield to their demands. James had been stupid not to realise just how much Sirius knew about Dark Magic, it would have been easy for him to pick up a book and learn the spells within, it was silly of him to think that a curious, eager child would ignore the feast of knowledge before them. But, it terrified him. He was scared that Sirius was getting in too deep, that his cousin's obvious machinations were wearing him down and he would soon declare his allegiance to the Dark and end up wearing one of those disturbing silver masks. No matter how often he told himself that Sirius would never do that he still couldn't stop his imagination running away from him, he didn't want Sirius to corrupt himself, but he had no choice except to stand by and watch in silent horror as Sirius used magic that had once been forbidden.

It was in the dead of night that James received a note, he woke from murky, dark dreams to the sound of something tapping gently on his window. Once he had wiped the sleep from his eyes and stood up he saw a school owl waiting for him, it hooted and tapped the window again and James walked over and yanked the window open. Cold air stung his skin and he shivered as the owl flew into the room, causing Peter to roll over in his sleep and mutter about letting the sofa eat his shoes. The owl landed gently on James' shoulder and he removed the tiny note on its leg, it stretched its wings and ruffled its feathers proudly. James scanned the note and found himself disappointed by the lack of actual writing in it;

_Meet in the shrieking shack. 3 am sharp. _

_Padfoot._

Despite the lack of information James' curiosity was stirred and his desire to see Sirius again overwhelmed his sense of caution, he grabbed a quill from his bedside table and scribbled an answer before tying it back onto the leg of the owl and letting it fly into the night. He watched its progress, his breath steaming in the frigid air as excitement burned inside his chest, his fingers gripped the window ledge and he smiled as he imagined being with Sirius again.

XXX

Sirius stood at the window of the bedroom of the Shrieking Shack, he gazed out over the moonlit town of Hogsmeade, admiring the view of frost covered houses and chimneys that wept smoke. The stars glittered above him like frozen diamonds sewn into a massive black mantle, they twinkled and glittered as if they were somehow winking. His fingers tightened on the window sill, his breath steaming in the air before his lips, he shivered but was unconscious of the cold as it stole into his bones. His nightmares had been slowly getting worse, his guilt over using Dark Magic plagued him night and day and he was forced to hide it behind a cold mask. He rarely spent much time in the company of other people, not simply because they would do nothing but call him bloodtraitor and hiss other insults at him but because the place reminded him far too much of Grimmauld Place, he was haunted by his mother's fury, by his father's cold gaze. He could hardly stand to be in there, surrounded by dark and disturbing memories that made him feel as if he was breaking inside. The pressure in his chest was almost unbearable, he felt as if he had been filled with noxious gasses and if he got too close to a candle he would explode. He suffered from panic attacks which made him flee to the bathroom and hide as he attempted to calm himself down, the darkness was killing him and he didn't know how long he could survive and soon he knew it would only get worse. In a week's time he would be at home once again, surrounded by yet more hatred and coldness, but this hatred was different from the feelings he got from the Slytherin's. For as long as he could remember he had wanted nothing more than for his parents to love him, to give him just one simple word of kindness, he had tried his very best to please them as a child until he realised that it got him nowhere. Despite what others may have assumed he did want his family to love him and it hurt when they made it clear that they never would. He had long ago given up seeking their approval but that didn't lessen the agony.

Sirius was so entrenched in his own thoughts that he almost missed the scuffling sounds of someone arriving, he turned, feeling warmth bloom in his chest as James emerged from the tunnel with an interesting array of plant life and dirt in his hair. Sirius couldn't help himself, he grinned. James was dressed in a thick jumper, gloves, a scarf and a woolly hat that sat crookedly on his head like a weird Christmas pudding. Sirius suddenly realised how cold he was, he had worn nothing but his dressing gown and pyjamas, his feet felt like blocks of ice inside his slippers. But none of that mattered, his eyes met James' and, before either of them could utter a word, they flew into each other's arms. Sirius' lips crashed into James' their tongues entwined and fingers found hair, James grunted and stumbled back a step with the force with which Sirius hit him, but he was smiling into the kiss. Fire rushed through Sirius' heart and he could feel his whole body vibrating with pure joy, his world seemed to glue itself back together again and it no longer mattered that the castle was under the reign of murderers. Sirius had James in his arms and he needed nothing else.

Finally James pulled away, nuzzling affectionately at Sirius' nose with his eyes firmly shut and his fingers deep in Sirius' hair. He could feel how cold his lover was through his layers and it gave him a brief moment of concern before he pushed it aside to concentrate on the feel of him, he smiled helplessly, the first one he had worn in a while. "I missed you." He whispered hoarsely and felt Sirius leave a lingering kiss on the bridge of his nose.

"Me too." Sirius replied, finally moving back so that he could look at James properly, he looked thinner than usual but that may have simply been the bulky winter clothes he was wearing. His face was pale beneath the light of the moon and his smile a little crooked but it was James, it was his best friend, his lover, the only person in the universe he would destroy the world for.

"You're freezing, come here…" James whispered, gently tugging Sirius over to the ancient and creaking bed, he sat down at his side and picked up the dusty blanket, wrapping it gently over his shoulders before taking both his bare hands in his own and rubbing them. His eyes met Sirius' and he saw a brief flicker of a smile cross his face as he leaned close and pressed a kiss to the corner of his mouth. "So, what are we doing here?" He asked finally, breaking the tension surrounding them.

Sirius looked down at his hands, feeling was returning to them slowly and he now felt as if he had pins and needles in his fingers but he didn't care. "I wanted to see you." He said finally. "And…and I wanted to tell you that I'm having to go home this Christmas."

"You haven't been home during the holidays for years!" James exclaimed, eyes widening.

"I know but this is important." Sirius looked away, back at the broken window, his gaze misted over and his face twisted into a pained grimace. "They want me back so that I…so that I can meet my fiancé."

"F-fiancé?" James whispered.

"Yeah," Sirius nodded, swallowing a painful lump in his throat. "I'm going to be married as soon as I turn seventeen."

"But…but you can't! You don't like women!"

"I can." Sirius looked up and the grief in his eyes stung James' heart, his fingers stilled on Sirius'. "I can marry and I can have kids, I can be the good son my parents want me to be. I can learn to accept my place in Wizarding society as heir to the ancient house of Black. I can do it, Jamie…I can do it but it doesn't mean that I won't be miserable for the rest of my life."

"Then say no! Just don't go!" James' hands tightened on Sirius' and he leaned forward. "Please, Sirius, I don't know if I can live knowing that you're…you're with someone else!"

Sirius smiled sadly. "But you want Lily Evans, why should I stand in the way of that?"

"But I don't!" James blurted and blushed furiously. "W-well, I mean, I like her…but…but if it means that I'll lose you forever then I don't."

"Jamie, be practical here, we can't be together and you know it. If my parents found out just what we do together they'd probably kill me. And I'm sure your parents want Grandchildren as well."

"Yeah, they do but they'd understand if-"

Sirius put his finger to James' lips and sighed heavily. "It's time I grew up." He said quietly, averting his eyes again and standing slowly. "I need to stop playing games, I need to shoulder my responsibilities. I'm sixteen now, I have to act like an adult and accept the fact that the world has changed."

"It may have changed but doesn't mean we have to just lie back and accept it! We can change it back! We can do something!"

"James, stop being stupid. Can't you see what's happened? All those who would have fought alongside us are dead, the resistance has been crushed and now we have to do what we can to survive. That's what I'm doing; surviving! I'm living so that I can find some small way to protect you and Peter and Remus! You're my only friends and if you die I-I'll be alone and I can't be alone!"

James took off his hat, frowning down at it as he turned it over in his hands. Sirius admired them, he had always loved James' hands, they were slender and oddly delicate but also very strong. He fought the urge to take them and kiss them, he had to be strong. "This isn't you speaking, this is your parents." James said and finally looked up, squinting at Sirius beneath his fringe. "This is not the Sirius I fell in love with."

"Well, we all have to adapt, it's something I'm rather good at." Sirius replied a little coldly and immediately regretted it when he saw the hurt in James' eyes.

James stood up and stepped towards Sirius, his hands clenching into fists and his face falling into a frown. "I'm getting myself tortured every time I refuse to do something I see as Dark Magic, I'm doing it so that the others don't lose hope, so that all those innocent muggleborns know that somewhere someone cares! I'm doing everything I possibly can to stand against the tyranny, and I expected you to do the same!"

Sirius sighed and slumped back onto the bed, his hands tightened on the mattress which creaked beneath his weight. "I'm not you Jamie." He muttered, closing his eyes and covering them with his hand. "I'm not strong or-or brave…I can't stand up to my family, it's too much. I can't do it anymore! I've been struggling for years and I…I'm just so tired." He took his hand away and looked up at his lover, his eyes were dark and defeated, exhaustion, both physical and emotional, was written across his face. "It's so much easier to go with it, to just let them control me…I'm too weak to fight anymore."

James crouched before him, taking his hands in both of his own and gazing up into Sirius' face. "We can do it together, whenever one of us stumbles, the other will be there to pick them again. We can hold each other steady, make sure that we don't waver. I'm willing to walk with you to hell and back, Sirius, I can't live without you by my side." He lifted a hand and put it against Sirius' frozen cheek.

"Jamie, you're already in so much trouble, I'm having difficulty preventing my cousin from just killing you! Don't make it any harder."

James smiled. "They can't kill me now, can they? If I die then I'd become a martyr, I'm pretty sure they wouldn't want a full scale uprising on their hands."

Sirius' own smile was weak but it was better than nothing. "I suppose so, it's a good argument."

"It is, I thought of it!" James winked and chuckled, after a second Sirius joined him.

Finally Sirius pulled James up onto the bed, he fell backwards dragging his lover with him. Without hesitation he pushed his fingers deep into that messy hair and pulled their lips together. Tongues met in a slow dance, each of them sharing short breaths that made them moan into each other's mouths with mounting passion. Sirius was really quite weak, especially when it came to James Potter. He could never say no to him, not even to attempt to save his life. James' touch was like fire, his body shivered in delight and his chest ached pleasantly from lack of air, he felt James' hands lingering on his hips, those talented fingers starting to undo his dressing gown and work their slow way beneath his pyjama top. James was warm and incredibly seductive, Sirius was pretty sure he had thrown all his remaining sanity out of the broken window the second he had decided to continue his affair with Potter. Something that felt this good, this perfect was almost alien to him, the happiness that filled him was strange and barely recognisable but it was there and it was good. He never wanted to break the kiss, he never wanted to ever let James go again, he didn't care of the world ended in an explosion of rock and fire, so long as he and James were together nothing else mattered. He would happily watch the world burn if James could live, as selfish as that was he knew it was true. He didn't care for many other people, they only mattered to him because they mattered to James and James was everything to Sirius, without him he would simply waste away into something less than a ghost.


	13. A Black Christmas

_AN: Another instalment, yay! I will put a warning here; this chapter does contain scenes of mental abuse. Anyways, please enjoy this chapter, thank you to all those who have left me reviews, I love them, I really do! They keep me going, thank you from the bottom of my heart. _

**Chapter Twelve: A Black Christmas**

Sirius watched the bright red steam train pull away longingly; he resisted the urge to run after it and try to get it to stop so that he could return to Hogwarts, but he knew that it would be impossible. He remembered his brief, passionate farewell with James in a secluded class room on the fifth floor, he sighed heavily and closed his eyes.

"Come on, Sirius, Mum's here."

Regulus' voice brought Sirius roughly back to reality, he opened his eyes and forced them away from the rapidly disappearing train and returned them to the station platform. He spotted his mother stood amongst the few students milling about, each of them looking lost, a few of them sporting wounds from the varied, vicious punishments now implemented at the school. Their parents gazed at their children's afflictions with sick horror before taking them by the arms and scurrying away, some never looked back and Sirius knew that these students would not return to school. He followed his brother towards the formidable looking witch standing stiffly by the barrier with a look of distaste permanently etched onto her face. "Ah, excellent you're here. Let's return to home quickly, Kreacher has dinner prepared and your father wishes to speak with you before bed." Walburga turned her back on her sons and stepped through the barrier, Sirius followed with his head down and a frown on his face.

"Oh good, its here."

Orion greeted his eldest son with his patented sneer, giving him a brief glance before turning away and walking towards the dining room. Sirius tried to quell the fury that rose at his father's use of 'it', which was made even more difficult by the fact that he patted Regulus on the head in an affectionate manner, clearly showing Sirius who he preferred. Pain, like a lance of ice, slid into Sirius' heart and he had to bite down hard on his bottom lip to prevent a scream from escaping, his appetite was instantly ruined and all he wanted to do was to go upstairs to bed, curl up beneath his duvet and try to forget that he was once again trapped. The dining table was set with the best silverware and best china, Sirius sat as far away from Orion and Walburga as space would allow and that was not nearly far enough. Kreacher began pouring wine from a decanter and Sirius stared at the deep red liquid, watching it splash into the goblet like blood.

"Your chosen Fiancé will be arriving tomorrow evening, she will be set up in the guest room and she will be staying for a few days." Orion began, picking up his goblet and sipping at the fine vintage, he made a noise of satisfaction before replacing his glass while Kreacher began serving the food. "Now, Sirius, I expect you to be on your best behaviour. You are our son and heir, as much as I despise the thought. We expect you to conduct yourself as is proper for one of your station, do you understand me boy?"

"Yes father." Sirius responded in a dull monotone, picking up his glass and swallowing half of it in one gulp, hopefully the alcohol would render him unconscious before the night was done and he may sleep without nightmares for a change.

"Very well," Orion cleared his throat and lifted his napkin; he tucked it into his shirt and picked up his knife and fork. "I hope you stick to that promise." He began to eat, a moment later being joined by Walburga and Regulus.

Sirius barely touched his food, picking at it with his fork while glaring at the gravy boat. He drank more than was healthy and rapidly became intoxicated until Walburga snatched his glass from him and ordered him furiously upstairs. Sirius went with a deep sense of relief, his first night back hadn't turned out quite as bad as he thought it would, however he still had a week to endure and things could change in a second with his parents if he wasn't careful.

XXX

James opened the letter from his parents with shaking hands, he winced as pain lanced through his head and he slowed down. His ribs ached from the beating he had received and he was sporting a rather horrible black eye but he felt good. He had managed to stop those Slytherin kids from beating the living crap out of that second year boy, it was lucky he had been there or things would probably have ended a lot worse. The boy had only been trying to use the library but the gang of seventh year Slytherin's had been trying to prevent him, finally James had had enough and had stormed over to confront them. Not his best idea ever, seeing as they had outnumbered him three to one, but still better than just standing by and watching them hospitalise the poor boy. He had been lucky in turn when Slughorn had rounded the corner and stopped the boys from snapping James' wand like a twig, he had put them all in detention and removed several house points for daring to duel muggle-style in the corridors. It had been a tough fight but James had managed to get in his own fair share of hits, probably breaking one of the older boy's ribs in the process. He thought he had done pretty well. He had woken up in the Hospital Wing with a note tucked under his pillow from the second year, it was a simple thank you but James kept it locked securely away in his top drawer, a reminder of why he was doing what he was doing.

He opened the letter and began to read, his mother had sent him a box of cookies which, from the look of the box, had been raided, and probably eaten, by the Death Eaters who scanned the mail for illegal activity. She explained that his father had managed to give himself a bad burn while cooking but he had recovered instantly with a little bit of healing magic, she told him that their neighbours had been missing since Friday but it did not seem suspicious as all their furniture was gone, she assumed that they had left the country as many witches and wizards were doing now. It was far safer abroad for many. The new Ministry were establishing their rule by coming down hard on anyone attempting to hide people they deemed as 'criminals', there was a new bill being pushed through to reinstate Werewolf hunting and Muggle baiting, anyone who had once been against the issue had rapidly changed their tune for reasons they were afraid to state. So far the Potter residence had been raided no less than six times, each time the new Auror's had broken several extremely valuable items belonging to both his parents, his mother complained that it would affect his inheritance later but James couldn't care less, as long as his parents were alive. The letter continued with warnings about being a good boy and not letting the change outside affect him too much, his mother told him they were fine and would continue to be so as long as James was safe. She asked after his friends, specifically Sirius as she had heard some rumours that his parents were planning on marrying him off. James was unable to reply, as he had been forbidden to write any letters longer than a single sentence; _I am alive_.

He desperately wanted to tell his mum about how much the school had changed, about what he was doing to stand up against the tyranny and about how much he missed Sirius. He wanted to ask them if there was a way Sirius could get out of his marriage contract, he wanted to tell his mum how scared he was and how much he needed her now but he couldn't and so he tucked the letter under his pillow and wrapped himself up tight in his duvet, closing his eyes and fighting off the despair that always threatened to overwhelm him.

XXX

Sirius sat in the Drawing Room as he awaited their guest, he had a glass of wine in one hand and a book in the other as he tried to distract himself from meeting his Fiancé. He took a deep swallow of the wine, it tasted like ashes but he had been finding that being drunk helped him cope better with his parent's constant sneers and bitchy little comments. He found that he actually cared a lot less when he was under the influence of alcohol. He turned the page, barely taking in the story which was a muggle one that Remus had got him last Christmas. He had read it so many times now that the pages were crinkled and the binding was coming apart but he loved it, it was a fairy tale and had romance and love and best of all it ended happily.

"Sirius, put that silly book down and straighten yourself out." Walburga snapped, barely even sending a glance at her eldest son and choosing to ignore the alcohol in his hand. "Did you really have to wear those robes? You look better in the grey ones. Do something with your hair, it's a disgrace and _smile_, you look as if you're being sentenced to death."

Sirius put aside his book and gave his mother a poisonous glare, he swallowed the bile that rose to his throat and downed the rest of his drink as he stood up. He set his wineglass down and smoothed out his robes before tying his hair back from his face, his mother sent him one last angry look before nodding reluctantly. "It will do." She muttered and left the room. Sirius took a deep, shaking breath which caught before he forced his emotions behind the walls he had built up, he sat back down and arranged himself on the sofa in a pose he assumed his mother would approve of. He sat with his hands in his lap, hiding their shaking by gripping them tightly. Finally the front door opened and he heard his father's voice, shortly followed by his mothers.

"Grace, my dear, it is so lovely to finally meet you in person. Your mother has been most complimentary of you."

"Thank you, Mrs. Black."

"Welcome to our home, if you would come this way we will have Kreacher take your cases to your room for you."

Sirius tensed and stood up, he straightened his shoulders and let out a slow breath and forced a smile onto his face. The door opened to reveal his mother guiding a small, pretty girl into the room. She had shockingly blue eyes and shoulder length curly brown hair, her smile was brilliant when her eyes met Sirius' and she flushed with obvious pleasure. Sirius felt vaguely sad as he stepped forward and bowed low to the girl. "Miss Greengrass, it's lovely to meet you." He said and straightened, he took her hand and kissed it, watching her blush and her smile widen. She looked exceedingly happy with her parent's choice in suitors, once again Sirius felt a small pang of regret, she would find out soon enough that being married to him was not going to be as fun as she first thought. "Please, come and sit down." He offered her a seat but his mother glared at him and he guided her to another one, closer to his own. Grace Greengrass sat down and gazed around the room with interest, her eyes alighted on the tapestry and she stood again, moving over to it and running her fingers over the fabric.

"Oh this is lovely, such detail!" She exclaimed, turning to Walburga and, fortunately, missing Sirius' sneer of disgust.

Walburga's face lit up and she swept over to her pride and joy. "Isn't it? It's a reminder of our lineage and pride. It has been on this wall for generations, a permanent testament to our great family's origins and pure blood. One day, my dear, I will be happy to sew your name beside Sirius'." She indicated Sirius' name and birth-date and Grace smiled happily.

"Oh I would be honoured to be there." She said with feeling.

Sirius felt a sinking sensation in his gut as he imagined her name beside his; Grace Black. He swallowed and turned to find Kreacher laying out more wine, he snatched up a glass and took a deep swig, swallowing back the torrent of poisonous emotions that threatened to spew forth in the form of a stream of curse words.

Grace seemed to be very sweet and he supposed that she was pretty in her own way but he knew that she would probably be just like the rest of them, snobby and mad. He drank too much at dinner, hardly touching the food as everyone spoke over his head, he longed desperately for his bedroom and the solace of the darkness. He wanted to disappear beneath his duvet and hide from the world, to open his window and escape, just like he had done before. He became fidgety and his mother was forced to glare at him from across the table, he tried to still himself but was finding it difficult as they stood up and made their way to the living room for after dinner coffee.

Grace sat at Sirius' side, she attempted valiantly to engage him in conversation but Sirius was too distracted with his own thoughts. He answered in single syllables whenever possible and didn't bother asking her any questions in return. Finally it was time for bed and Sirius almost leapt to his feet, swaying violently and having to grab hold of something to make sure that he didn't collapse to the carpet that had taken on a life of its own. He realised, too late, that he was gripping Grace's arm and when he released her in surprise she giggled and steadied him by placing a hand on his arm.

"Good night, Grace, Sirius will show you to your room." Walburga said and gave the girl a big smile, the smile made her look beautiful and also made Sirius want to vomit on her shoes. His father followed his wife out the room without so much as a look back, when they were gone Sirius sighed in relief. He stepped away from Grace and yanked the ribbon from his hair, he ran his fingers through it roughly, glaring angrily at his reflection in the mirror as he combed it just the way he liked it.

"Finally." He muttered, turning to his fiancé. "I'll show you where you're sleepin'." He led the way out of the room but paused when Grace put a hand on his arm.

"You've hardly said a word to me all night." She said softly, sounding hurt and a little confused. "Don't you like me?"

Sirius forced his hands to remain relaxed, despite the urge to curl them into fists. He turned back to her slowly, focussing with difficulty on her pretty face. "I don't know you, how can I judge whether I like you or not?" He said slowly.

"You don't know me because you've been in your own world, why don't we spend this time to get to know each other? It'll be a lot easier to marry someone I actually know a little about."

"But…but we're 'sposed to be goin' to bed."

Grace laughed and guided him back into a chair. "Come on, sit. Answer my questions and then we can maybe go to bed." Her fingers lingered on his wrist, barely touching the skin but the touch made him want to rip his arm away and flee the room. Instead he forced himself to look at her.

"Look, this is an arranged marriage…I…I'll be honest with you and say that it's not something I really wanted."

"Yes, I can't say that I really wanted to get married either, we're so young it just doesn't seem right somehow but here we are and we may as well make the best of it."

Sirius let out a breath and turned to look into the dying fire, he clenched his hand on the sofa arm and sighed heavily. "I'm sorry, it's not you…I just have some reasons why I'm not into this marriage thing. I've never wanted to marry anyone."

"I see, I suppose you're being forced into this?"

"Yeah, you could say that."

Grace was silent for a moment before she touched Sirius' face, turning him so that they were looking at each other, their noses brushing. "I will admit that I was glad to see how handsome you were."

"Oh…" It was all that popped into Sirius' head, it was stupid but he felt somewhat numb and cold. The girl's fingers were soft as she ran them over his cheek bone and tipped her head to one side, smirking in a way that made Sirius wonder what she was up to.

"Don't you think I'm pretty?"

"Well…I suppose…"

Grace giggled and leaned closer, her lips brushed Sirius' and his hands clenched into automatic fists on the arms of his chair. He didn't know what to do, his mind was blank and he seemed to be frozen to his seat. "We're going to be married any way, maybe we should see if we're compatible physically?"

"Wh-what?" Sirius croaked, wishing he could find a way out of this situation.

"Come on, someone with your good looks can't be a virgin."

"I-I…no…I'm not but-mmm!" His eyes widened as Grace's soft lips met his, he reacted on instinct and pushed her away from him, he stood up, breathing as heavily as if he had been running. He lifted his sleeve to his lips and wiped them in an automated gesture of disgust. "Don't you ever do that again!" He hissed, it wasn't something he had planned to say but it came out of him along with a wave of hatred so strong it was almost physical. Grace's face turned pale, her eyes widened and her mouth was open in shock.

"What? I-I thought you'd want to…!"

"Well, you thought wrong!" Sirius snapped, unable to stop himself from sounding like a complete arse hole. He was unreasonably angry, it was as if he'd been possessed and he had completely lost control over his tongue. He saw the hurt in her pretty eyes but it only seemed to drive the flames of his anger, he turned his back on her and picked up the wine decanter, he threw it into the fire where it shattered and made the flames leap and hiss. He was sick of being controlled. He was sick of people assuming he was something he wasn't. He was sick of having people treat him as if he didn't have a will of his own. "I'm not into you, don't you get that?!" He shouted, turning on his surprised fiancé who had a hand to her mouth as if she were holding back tears. "I never get what I want, I never get to decide my own future! Everyone just pushes me around as if I have no will of my own, as if I have no desires of my own! They treat me like I'm a fucking chess piece, a pawn to be used to in their own games! Well, news flash; I'm a human being! I deserve respect, I deserve to be happy, don't I?" He gasped and covered his face with a hand, he turned away and shivered. The room was suddenly cold and he could hear footsteps from the floors above him, whispered voices questioning the loud crashing noises. He knew he was in serious trouble even before the door was pulled open and a large hand descended on his shoulder but he was too far gone to care anymore.

Orion took hold of his son's upper arm in a grip that felt like a vice, he dug his fingers into the muscle forcing a soft grunt from Sirius' reluctant lips. "Apologise!" He growled, giving Sirius a look that sent terror and fury washing over him, the emotions were so powerful they made him dizzy. "Apologise to this girl right now you disgusting waste of air!"

"I-I-Ow! 'M sorry!" Sirius gasped, wincing and turning to face Grace who watched the scene in wide eyed silence. "I'm sorry, Grace. I-I l-lost control. I didn't mean what I said."

"You've had too much to drink, you know how wine makes you act. I'm sorry for his vile behaviour Miss Greengrass, I am appalled and will ensure that he is punished." Walburga glared at Sirius who swayed and stumbled, luckily he didn't fall as his father still held his arm. "He is drunk and it's making him unreasonable."

"Oh…oh yes, I'm sure it's just the alcohol." Grace whispered hoarsely, Sirius watched as she gathered her composure. "I think I may go to bed now, good night." She stood up and walked out of the room, her posture stiff and her head held high. Sirius watched her go feeling violently sick and weak, his father pushed him into the wall where he collapsed, unable to hold himself up anymore. He drew his knees to his chest and buried his face in them.

"You have disgraced us yet again; I'm so tired of your behaviour young man."

"I feel sick." Sirius whispered to his knees, closing his eyes tightly as the world spun around him.

"Go to your room. You disgust me." Walburga turned away, Sirius felt the cold enter his lungs, numbing them until he could hardly breathe. He lifted his head and gazed at his mother's back.

"D-don't you care?" He whispered softly, his voice breaking despite his attempts to control it. "Don't you want to listen to me? I don't want to marry Grace. I don't want to be forced into this. Why is that so hard to understand?"

"Because any potential wife you chose would never be satisfactory, we can't trust you to make sensible decisions." Orion muttered, moving to the occasional table and picking up his pipe where he left it earlier. He lit it with his wand and gripped it in his teeth as he turned back to his son, Sirius looked up at him, his huge shadow seeming to press down on him like a physical weight. His father had always felt so much bigger than he actually was, he always had a way of making Sirius feel like a little child again.

"What if…what if I just don't want to get married?"

Walburga let out a scream of hysterical laughter before rounding on her son. "You must produce grandchildren or this line cannot continue!" She pointed her finger accusingly at him, making him flinch violently, he felt a wave of self-hatred so strong it almost made him throw up. "How could such a useless son ever learn to choose the correct kind of wife needed to continue our pure line? How could such a constant disappointment ever hope to reach a level of respect where we would trust you to decide your own fate? Your brother has so much more worth than you ever will. We can trust him, he will choose a good wife and produce good children, it's a shame he was not born first."

Sirius flinched again, pushing himself against the wall as he had done many times as a child. He felt as helpless as he had then, as terrified and as hurt. "Mother, I-I-"

"No excuses, Sirius. You will marry her and you will give me grandchildren, I will not see this distinguished family destroyed just because of one weak link!"

"Please, mum, I don't feel so good…"

"Pathetic." Orion sneered. "I'm always so ashamed to call you my son."

"Such a disgrace to this family. I wish you had never been born, then perhaps we wouldn't be so burdened with your stupidity!"

"Dad, I'm gunna be sick." Sirius tried to stand up but his father's boot found his fingers as they were splayed out on the floor, he bit back a scream as agony lanced up his arm and his bones creaked ominously. "P-please…let me go to the toilet." He gasped, lifting his eyes to his father's.

"Say you're sorry." Orion growled, lighting his pipe again casually.

"I-I…I'm…" Sirius swallowed the bile that rose to his throat, choking on his words as his stomach churned and his eyes burned. He squeezed them shut, wishing that the floor would open up and swallow him whole. At that moment he didn't care if he lived or died, he only wanted to get away from the hatred. "I'm sorry." He gasped, trying, and failing, to stop the sob escaping his lips.

"And it will never happen again?" Orion eased the pressure on Sirius' fingers enough for him to rip them free from under his boot.

"No. Never again." He muttered, clawing his way up the wall, his head bowed so that he hid his face from his parents. "Never." His eyes landed on a wine bottle that Kreacher had yet to clear away, he imagined picking it up and smashing it over his father's head. He imagined the blood pouring from the lacerations of the glass, he imagined the satisfying crunch of breaking glass and the thud as his father's body hit the floor. He imagined it all with a cold kind of detachment, he could almost feel the cold glass in his hand, he could almost hear his tears and laughter as he did to his father what he had done to him. When he finally looked back at his parents his eyes were slightly blank, an odd glaze in them that would have terrified James.

"Go to your room and don't come out until we say you can." Walburga hissed. "You will be cleaning the kitchen floor tomorrow, when I take Grace out shopping."

"Yes mother, of course mother." Sirius gripped the wall, his nails digging gouges into the paper, his voice was brittle and as cold as ice. Hatred flowed from him in waves, he was no longer in control of himself, it was as if he were watching it all through the window. "May I leave now?"

"Get out of my sight, you're disgusting."

Sirius gave his father a smile that should have belonged on a serial killer. "Thank you father." He said and limped past his parents, hunched slightly as his stomach did somersaults. He felt his parent's eyes on his back all the way out of the door, even as he reached the stairs he felt as if he were being watched. It was as if something inside him had finally broken, as if he had lost something vital in the brief exchange in the Drawing Room. Fighting was futile, it never got him anywhere. He was destined to die alone and unloved, why had he ever thought otherwise? He was a waste of oxygen, a burden to all he encountered. People spoke to him out of pity, he wasn't loved, he wasn't liked. It was all an elaborate farce designed to mess with his head. He let out a soft chuckle that sounded insane even to his own ears, he paused on the landing outside the guest room, swaying a little as he eyed Grace's bedroom door. Finally he tore his eyes away and moved on, when he reached his bedroom he stepped inside and closed the door before falling into bed, he took hold of his pillow and pulled it to his chest, he buried his face into it so hard it was difficult to breathe. Whether he was trying to suffocate himself or muffle the loud, potentially humiliating sobs he wasn't sure.


	14. Point of No Return

AN: Hi there, sorry for the late updates! In this one Sirius is finally pushed too far and makes a horrible blunder. I also truly believe that out of all his family Sirius loved his brother, despite his stupid choices in canon, I think he would have acted as a kind of protector and would have ensured that his parents anger was directed solely at himself rather than risk Regulus. Anyway, please enjoy this chapter, thank you to all those who have left me reviews, I always appreciate them (and want more, I'm greedy like that! Lol).

**Chapter Thirteen: Point of No Return**

Christmas morning was a blur of grey blandness for Sirius, he watched as his brother opened the gifts brought for him by their parents, he watched as Regulus exclaimed happily over the brand new racing broom, the new clothes and all the other exquisitely expensive presents. Sirius sat in the corner with a drink in his hands and a blank expression on his face; he had a darkening bruise on his cheek from where his father had decided that he had had enough of his 'whining' when Sirius had asked to be allowed to go out. He had been stuck in the old house for nearly the whole week, despite the fact that Regulus had been out to see his friends several times. Sirius took a sip of the stinging whiskey in his hand, the only thing his parents seemed unconcerned about was the amount he was drinking, perhaps they hoped that he would kill himself.

His only solace in his dark little world was that he had discovered a mirror inside his school bag with a note from James, the note explained that they were a way to communicate without the use of notes which could easily be read by someone else. He got so excited when he had found it he had used it immediately and had found himself staying up late into the night talking to his best friend. In his drunken state he had been unable to stop himself from sobbing helplessly into his hands as the mirror floated before him, he told James how he wished that they were together, how he didn't think that he could live without him, especially if this was what he would be forced to endure. Oddly when he had calmed down, he didn't feel ashamed about his sudden explosion of emotion, despite the fact that he had been taught by his parents that if a man cried it meant that he was weak, he looked into James' face and saw the shared pain and deep sorrow in his eyes and realised that sharing his feelings with him didn't matter. He could see that James wasn't judging him for his display, although he seemed uncomfortable because he wasn't able to help him.

"You'll be coming back soon, Pad's." James had insisted, his smile soft and gentle as he lifted a hand and pressed it to the glass. "We'll be with each other soon, just hold onto that thought."

"Jamie, I can't live like this. I can't be without you…I thought…I thought that I could do it, get married and accept that I'd never see you again but I-I can't. It's stupid and reckless but I want you like I've never wanted anything else in this world. But I still have to get married, my parents are pretty adamant about that."

"Padfoot, we'll think of something when we're together again, don't worry about it. We'll come up with a plan and we'll find a way to get out of this situation."

James had seemed so certain that Sirius had almost believed him, he had smiled and said his farewells before laying back down in his bed and hugging his pillow to his chest, he fell asleep with his mind full of sweet memories of James' face.

However, after that brief spate of happiness, he was now sitting in a dark corner and drinking as everyone around him ignored him. He tried hard to keep up a façade of indifference but it was difficult when he was forced to watch his parents fawning over Regulus, exclaiming about how excellent his exam results had been last year at school and at how well he was doing now. He hated watching them together, it made him want to scream. Regulus smiled at the attention, obviously uncomfortable with it but also obviously pleased. Whenever Sirius came home with his exam results all he got was a shrug if he had done well and a smack in the face if he had messed up, it seemed to be the story of his life.

"Sirius Orion Black!"

Sirius flinched so violently he spilled some of his drink over his hand, he looked up to find his mother standing above him, glaring down at him with such hatred it took him off guard.

"I didn't do anything!" He ended up speaking before he could think, his eyes widened and he pushed himself further back into his seat, the goblet falling from numb fingers onto the carpet.

"You have ignored Grace since she got here, what has got into you all of a sudden?!"

"I'm sorry, I just…" He paused, his eyes drifting over to see Grace watching from the door way with wide eyes. "I don't want to marry." He whispered, returning his eyes to his mother. "I never have done and I never will." He omitted the fact that there was only one person he would ever contemplate binding his life to but unfortunately two males couldn't marry. "Mother, please, just listen to me for once! I don't want to marry and have children, I don't want to be forced into something that wouldn't benefit either of us!"

"You don't know what you're talking about." Walburga's eyes flashed in fury, Sirius noted the way she paled, always a bad sign. "Grace, dear, I do apologise on behalf of my son…he has always been a constant disappointment to us. He seems to think that it is perfectly respectable to be seen being friendly with bloodtraitors, mudbloods and filthy animals."

Something deep inside Sirius snapped, he hadn't even been aware that he had been stretched so thin. "DON'T YOU EVER CALL MY FRIENDS THOSE NAMES!" He roared, standing up and sending his mother stumbling back a step in shock. His hands clenched into fists as blood pulsed in his ears, he had never felt such fury before but he embraced it like an old lover. "THEY ARE FIVE MILION TIMES BETTER THAN YOU EVER WILL BE! YOU FUCKING DISGUSTING EXCUSE FOR A HUMAN BEING!" He gasped, his voice shaking as his control slipped, Grace was still standing at the door with her mouth hanging open before she abruptly turned and fled. "My friends love me, they don't care about my past, about my fucking blood status! They don't give a shit who spawned me, they love me for being me! That's more than I can say for some." He sneered viciously, lifting his head so that he was looking down his nose at his stunned mother. "They've always been there for me, even in my darkest moments when I was forced to run away from you and dad because you were treating me like a fucking punching bag. They helped me. They've always stood by my side. THEY'RE MY REAL FAMILY AND I WILL DIE FOR THEM! So don't you _ever_ bad mouth my friends again." He stopped, panting heavily as adrenaline rushed through his veins, his confidence wavered at the horrified look on his mothers face, he knew that he had just condemned himself but he felt a weight lift from his shoulders and squared them as confidence replaced his fear. "I will not marry anyone unless I choose to; you will not force me into anything I don't want. You can't make me."

"S-Sirius…what…where…I don't…oh…oh my poor heart!" Walburga collapsed into a chair, her hand over her heart as she stared up at her eldest son in shock. "You would dare to defy tradition and refuse your pure blood? How…how could you be so cruel and unfair?"

"_Cruel_? _Unfair_?" Sirius choked on the words, his face morphing as rage once again washed over him. "You're one to talk about cruel and unfair, you stupid bitch! I've spent nearly my whole life doing everything I can to earn your praise, I've slaved my arse off in school for years in an attempt to get even a simple word of kindness! I spend my days forced to watch you fawn over Regulus when I've done better than him in many subjects but all my hard work and achievements mean nothing to you! I may as well be invisible! I tried so, so hard to be the son you wanted, I-I…I've spent my whole life hating myself, being too afraid to look into the mirror because I despise what I see…b-because I'm never good enough for you! I've had nightmares about the cellar, I spent my childhood being terrified of the dark because of the times you locked me down there with the rats! I even tried to go along with this marriage thing in the vain and stupid hope that you would finally pay attention to me, I hoped that…that maybe, somewhere inside, y-you do actually have some love for me…" His voice ended in a hopeless whisper, he turned his eyes from his mother and fell down into a nearby seat. He lifted his head after a moment of silence and looked at his mother who was still trying to come to terms with what Sirius had said. "You never did love me, did you?" He whispered, his voice half full of fear.

"Love?" Walburga glared at him, Sirius saw nothing but hatred in her eyes and felt a small, humourless smile grace his features. "How could I ever love a traitor? It would have been better if you'd never been born, it would have saved this whole family a lot of humiliation and pain! Oh, what would your grandfather say about this? What would any of your cousins and grandparents say? Such a disgrace. Traitor. I never could have imagined it. You have never brought us anything but shame, perhaps it is time we realised that you are a hopeless case."

"Hopeless…yes, I think that sums me up." Sirius whispered, barely listening to his mother's ranting as he gazed out of the window. "I think I'll go to bed now." He stood up and walked towards the door, his knees felt like water, his hands shook so violently he had difficulty holding them steady enough to reach the handle.

"Oh no you don't young man!" Walburga screamed, making Sirius flinch once again, he turned slowly to find her on her feet and towering over him, her hand clutching her wand tightly. "I will not have this obvious abuse go unpunished! You are nothing but a useless, pathetic, disappointing waste of space! You have always been determined to destroy this family and everything we stand for, you and those disgusting friends of yours!"

"My friends are not disgusting." Sirius growled, his own anger flooding back as quickly and easily as the tide. "Every choice I made, every mistake I made was purely my own fault! They were never to blame for anything I did and they never will be! Don't start blaming other people for _your_ mess!"

"No. No. I raised you to be the perfect heir, this is all that Potter's fault! He's the one who has been corrupting you…yes, yes. All his fault, him and his mother! She was never a very good pureblood, she was bad from the very beginning! The very thought that we are related makes me sick to my stomach! Blood traitors. All of them. Filthy, disgusting people. Perhaps I should contact Bella and have that Potter boy punished properly for his continued corruption of our flesh and blood!"

Sirius listened to her mutter herself into silence, for the first time he saw just how truly mad she was, it made him wonder when he himself would be affected by this madness, if he wasn't already. Did the insane know they were insane? He didn't know and the thought disturbed him so he pushed it from his mind. "None of this is James' fault! He's my best friend, we're soul mates! I won't have you insulting the only person in this world I love-" Sirius' voice broke off, his mother was looking at him as if he had sprouted a second head, he swallowed a lump that had grown in his throat and stepped back, feeling his body hit the door. "I-I only mean that I love him as a friend. We're friends. Very good friends." He amended quickly, but he knew she wasn't fooled by his blundering attempts to rectify the situation. "Mother, mother please…I didn't mean it like that! I'm not…I'm not like that…"

"Is this why you refuse to marry?" Walburga's voice had dropped to a dangerous whisper, Sirius was used to her screams, this new, waspish voice was unnerving. "Are you refusing to marry because you…because you are…" She trailed off, seemingly unable to even speak the word.

"No! I never said that." Sirius said quickly, desperation making him take a step closer to his mother, he reached out, his hand brushing hers but she withdrew with a hiss of outrage. "Mother…m-mum…please…please don't get angry. I just…I only wanted…I-I'm…sorry. It's not my fault! I didn't want this! I never wanted to feel like this b-but I can't help it!" He was unaware of the tears falling down his cheeks, he had never witnessed his mother so angry before and it was more terrifying than anything he had ever experienced. "Mum, I tried to change. I swear to you I tried. I didn't want this, any of this…I only wanted you to love me, I only wanted to be the best son I could be b-but I'll never be good enough. I'm not Regulus…I can't change who I am." His breathing hitched as his mother raised her wand and pointed it at his heart; she had her own tears pouring down her face which was twisted in hate and anger.

"You are not my son, you never were my son. You disgust me. Get out of my house. Get out before I curse you into oblivion."

Sirius' breathing stopped, his eyes widened and he blinked at her as if not fully registering what she was saying. "O-Out?" He muttered. "B-But I…I have nowhere to go…"

"I said; GO! GET OUT! I WILL NOT HAVE YOU BENEATH THIS ROOF!"

Sirius barely managed to duck as a jet of bright light exploded by his head, he dived and grabbed the door handle, tearing open the door and flying from the room as his mother let out a grief stricken scream. He ran upstairs, ignoring the voice of his brother as he sped past him, he yanked open his bedroom door and shut himself inside. He took a moment to lean against it and take a few deep breaths, his eyes wide and full of terror. His mother had looked about ready to murder him right there on the spot, she had looked ready to wipe him off the face of the earth because of who he was, because he was different and wrong. Sirius' legs gave way, spilling him to the floor as he pushed his hands into his hair and tried to hold back the grief that twisted his soul. He shook violently, helpless to stop his tears.

He had nowhere to go except back to Hogwarts, but where to then? Where would he go during the summer? How would he survive? He was sixteen; he wasn't in any fit state to look after himself. If his mother disowned him he would have no money and he couldn't cook or clean, he didn't have any life skills. All his life he had been pandered to, he had house elves to do his laundry, to cook his food and to clean everything. Despite the fact that he hated Kreacher with a passion he was only now appreciating just how much the old elf did for him. After a few moments to collect himself he stood up on shaking legs, his wardrobe had a full length mirror on the inside of the door, he stood before his reflection and stared at himself for a full minute before raising his fist and smashing it into the glass with a scream. He watched in dull fascination as the glass shattered, sprinkling to the carpet around his feet so that his reflection was now fractured and incomplete. Slowly, with blood pouring down his knuckles his began to strip his wardrobe of its contents, the pain was a distant throb in his hand but he was numb all over and could barely feel it.

"Sirius? What's going on? Why's mum screaming and crying downstairs? She's making herself sick, Siri-" Regulus' mouth opened and closed as he watched his brother stuffing clothes into his trunk, grabbing things from the shelves and packing them rather haphazardly. "Sirius, what are you doing?"

"What does it look like?" Sirius muttered, frowning as he threw a pair of underwear into his trunk and tried to close the lid. "Damn it, stupid fucking thing!" He pushed down as hard as he could, using all his weight to close the trunk before snapping the silver clasps closed.

"It looks like you're packing for some kind of long voyage." Regulus replied.

"I'm leaving, Reg."

"You're going back to school? Why? Tomorrow's boxing day."

"I'm leaving for good. I'm never coming back."

Regulus licked his lips, glancing behind him nervously as another long, drawn out scream rent the air from the drawing room. "What did you do?" He asked slowly, his voice low and laced with potential venom.

Sirius paused as he tried to pull his heavy trunk off of his bed and towards the door, he looked at his little brother through his fringe. "I exist, Reg, that's more than enough reason for mum to act this way."

"No, you must have done something. Mum's never been this bad…she's cursing your name, she's throwing her best china at the walls…Sirius, she's gone mad."

"Gone? I thought she was already there." Sirius muttered, frowning at his little brother. "Now get out of my way, I got my marching orders and I have to leave."

"But…where will you go? What will you do?"

"I don't know." Sirius tried and failed to hide the shaking of his voice and he looked away momentarily before striding purposefully towards the bedroom door. "I'll survive, it's what I do, isn't it?"

"Sirius, this is stupid! Just go downstairs and apologise to her, I'm sure she'll forgive you."

"I can't and I won't!" Sirius snapped. "Nothing I say or do will make her forgive me, what I've done is unforgiveable!"

"Surely there must be something you can do; I don't want you to leave!"

Sirius' face softened and he sighed shakily, slowly he sank onto his bed and covered his face with his hands. "She knows, Reg. She knows why I refuse to get married."

"She knows-? Oh." Regulus' face paled, he stepped into the room and closed the door on their mothers screams. "Sirius, this is bad."

"You don't think I know that? The second I return to school I'll have Bella on my case as well, you can guarantee Mum'll write to her." He lowered his shaking hands and looked at his brother through empty eyes, he felt a wave of intense exhaustion wash over him and he sighed heavily. "I'm tired of it, Reg. I'm tired of hiding who I am, I'm tired of pretending all the damned time. Maybe it's time I stopped…" His voice trailed off as he heard his name screamed from downstairs shortly joined by his father's enraged voice. "I tried to get them to love me, but it was all futile…in the end they never did and they never will." Slowly he stood again and took hold of his case, the blood on his hand made his grip slippery but he didn't bother healing the wound. "I'll see you at school, little brother." He muttered and walked towards his door.

"Sirius, please don't do this! Don't leave me!" Regulus' voice was small, barely audible over the commotion three floors below, Sirius didn't turn around and his voice was as brittle as an autumnal leaf.

"I love you, I always have done. Good bye."

Regulus watched in horror as his brother walked out the door without a second glance back, he was frozen to the spot as fear spread through him, paralyzing him and making his whole body numb. He was alone; with Sirius gone there would no longer be a buffer between the insanity of his parents and himself.


	15. Wake of Desolation

AN: A bit of a Sirius-centric chapter with a little bit of James and a little bit of Peter thrown in. Please enjoy, I know these are dark chapters but this wasn't going to be a very happy story. Thank you for reading.

**Chapter Fourteen: Wake of Desolation**

James was lying on his bed and reading when Peter dashed into the room, panting and stuttering in excitement. "Worm? What's wrong?"

"P-Prongs…i-it's…S-S-Sirius…he's…he's b-back!"

James froze only for a second as he digested this information before tossing the book aside and leaping off of his bed, he grabbed his wand and stuffed it into his jeans as he ran for the door. "Come on, Peter, let's go see him."

Peter followed James out of the dorms and into the common room, he caught Lily look up from her homework and arch an eyebrow at them as they dashed through the portrait hole and into the corridor beyond. They pelted down the stairs and through corridors; they ran down secret passage ways and short cuts until they finally reached the Entrance Hall. James skidded to a halt at the top of the marble stair case as he spotted Sirius standing in the hall, he was wet and bedraggled looking and James' heart leapt in his chest, he opened his mouth to shout his friends name but the word died on his tongue as he saw the new Headmistress marching towards Sirius with two of her fellow Death Eaters acting as body guards.

"Well, well, well, the prince returns with his tail tucked between his legs." She chuckled, stopping before Sirius who didn't seem surprised to be welcomed by her. "Your mother is most distressed at your sudden change of heart, dearest cousin."

"Are we surprised?" Sirius muttered darkly, his face partially hidden behind a curtain of wet hair. "You of all people should have realised what would happen eventually…I could never stand that woman, she has always been a shit excuse for a mother and now she's kicked me out."

"Aw, poor ikle Siwi, nowhere to go, all alone in dis big world." Bellatrix mocked in her sickening baby-voice.

"Yeah…alone." Sirius took a soft breath and held out his hands as if he were showing his cousin that he was unarmed. "You going to punish me or what?"

"I always knew you were a masochist, Sirius." Bella laughed, throwing her head back and cawing at the ceiling. "I won't be punishing you quite yet, dear, I have a very special treat reserved especially for you. Return to your common room." She turned and strolled away, Sirius stood in the hall and watched her go for a moment before lifting his arm and wiping his face on his sleeve, James noted how badly he was shaking and it seemed to snap him out of his temporary paralysis. He ran down the stairs, nearly tripping over his feet as he came to a skidding halt before his best friend.

"Sirius!" He gasped, yanking his friend into a tight embrace, it took him a moment or two to realise that Sirius wasn't responding. Slowly he pulled away and put a hand beneath Sirius' chin so that he could tilt his head so that they were looking at each other. "Pad's what's wrong?" James asked carefully, running his eyes over Sirius' white face, spotting the yellowing bruise beneath his left eye, the darkening marks at his throat and the horrible looking scratches that crossed his cheek. Sirius blinked slowly at him, a slightly disturbing blankness in his eyes that made the back of James' neck prickle.

"Jamie…" Sirius' voice broke like glass on a stone floor, he crumbled and his legs gave out, spilling him into James' arms and dragging them both to the cold floor. He lay there, trembling against James' chest as he struggled to control the terror, shame and hatred that wanted to rip itself free of his throat in a scream.

"Shhh, it's all right, Sirius, I've got you. It's over now, you're safe. I promise I won't let you go again, you're never returning to that place. I don't care what you say I won't let them hurt you. I'll die before that ever happens, do you understand me?" James' voice was low and he spoke rapidly, holding Sirius tight against his chest as he gazed out through the open double doors and into the darkening grounds. "I'll kill them for doing this to you." He muttered, his sorrow and fear turning into anger. "I'll fucking make them regret ever touching you!"

Sirius lifted a shaking hand and grabbed James' shirt in his fist, he brought James down to his level and shook his head, still hiding his face behind his hair. "Y-You c-can't do anything." He croaked. "Don't even t-try it."

"But I-"

When Sirius lifted his head his eyes glittered with fury. "No. Just leave it!" He growled. "This is my battle, I'll fight it alone. I won't let them hurt you; I won't let them do what they did to me." His face softened and he wrapped both arms around James' neck, lifting himself onto his knees and burying his face in his best friends neck, he tangled the fingers of both hands deep into James' hair and took a deep, stuttering breath. "I love you, Jamie…I'll die for you. I'd change everything about myself for you; I'd tear the world apart if you asked me to. I don't care about anything else anymore, just tell me what you want me to do and I'll do it. I'm yours; body and soul, _forever_. You can tear my heart out and stamp on it, you could toss me to the Dementors, I don't care…just let me _love_ you! L-let me be near you…d-don't…don't l-let me b-be a-alone! It's _killing_ me!"

James once again reached beneath Sirius' chin and lifted his head up, he held onto his face with both of his hands and leaned in to plant a long, slow kiss onto his lips. He could taste the salt from his tears, he could taste blood and it made him shiver. "Sirius, I'd never ask you to hurt yourself on my behalf, I don't want you to change, I love you just as you are. I promise you, I'm never going to leave you alone, we'll be together forever, do you hear me?"

Sirius sniffed and nodded slowly, he stared at James for a long moment before kissing him once again. "I missed you." He breathed against James' pliant mouth.

"Mm, yeah, me too, Siri…me too…"

Peter turned away in disgust, he felt jealousy rage through his system and tried to stem it but it was impossible. He had been enjoying having James Potter all to himself, being able to become the one he relied on most but now all that would be ripped from him. He had hoped that Sirius wouldn't return and he would finally be able to take his place as the 'best friend' but it wasn't going to be, there was no way that the two would be ripped apart and now they were closer than ever. It sickened him and he felt the first stirrings of hatred rise in his chest, burning like acid and tasting as bitter as lemons. He hated Sirius and he hated James but what made it worse was that somewhere deep down he knew that he loved them both, they had been two of his very first friends, without them he would have remained anonymous, invisible to everyone but when he was with them he became someone. People spoke to him in the corridors, they laughed when he was being funny, people listened to him because he was friends with James and Sirius. The bullies were either too afraid to bully him or they would end up with some hilarious prank played upon them in revenge, no one ever got away with calling him names anymore. James and Sirius had given him protection but now even that was slowly crumbling, he felt vulnerable when he walked the corridors, no one spoke to him anymore and he had pushed back into the shadows, it was horrible and lonely and he couldn't take it anymore. He turned and walked back up the stairs, leaving the two lovers whispering softly to each other. Weak. That was what they were. Their love for each other was a weakness and none of them could afford weakness. If things continued this way then very soon Peter may find himself on the wrong end of a bad spell, he couldn't have that. His terror ate away at him, gnawing at his courage like an insistent mouse at some soft cheese. He had nightmares, he suffered from bad periods of fear induced panic attacks and no one even seemed to notice or care. He hated it. He hated them. His friends were ditching him, leaving him behind as their relationships matured and became more than what they had been, James, whom Peter had worshipped, was turning into someone he barely even knew. He spent his days protesting the current institution and getting himself into more danger than anyone else, one day, if this continued, Peter himself may find himself in trouble thanks to James' selfishness. All James seemed to care about now was Lily Evans and Sirius Black, Peter no longer entered the equation. It was disgusting. He couldn't risk their friendship anymore, he had to move on and find people more able to protect him. It was time to take the winning side for once.

XXX

The Slytherin common room went silent as Sirius entered it, all eyes moved to him and people began muttering behind their hands to their friends, people giggled and sniggered, eyeing his wounds pointedly. Sirius took a deep, shaky breath and clenched his hands into fists, slowly he moved towards the dorms but found Avery and Mulciber blocking his way.

"You really think we want to share our dorm with a disgraced pureblood like you?" Avery sneered viciously.

"Get out of my way." Sirius muttered his voice dripping venom.

"No. We're not moving until you go elsewhere, we don't want any homo bloodtraitors sleeping anywhere near us, what if you try something?"

"I wouldn't try anything with you if you were the last guys on earth, I have standards! Now get out of my way and let me go to bed!" Sirius wasn't surprised that they knew every sordid detail of his situation, Bella had probably let it slip and secrets had a tendency to spread like wild fire around Hogwarts. He didn't really care about what his dorm mates thought of him but he did want to go to bed, he was so exhausted he could barely stand and all he wanted to do was curl under his duvet and fall asleep. He tried to push past the two boys but found himself pushed backwards, he stumbled into a nearby sofa to the sound of giggles and fury engulfed his senses. He was tired, he felt sick, he was getting a headache and he had simply had enough. He drew his wand and before he knew it there was a flash of light and Avery screamed as his sleeve caught fire, he patted it out but Sirius could see how badly he had been burned. He grinned humourlessly. "So, are you going to get the fuck out of my way or am I going to have to make you move?" He growled, advancing slowly and steadily, watching Mulciber share a worried glance with his mate.

"No! I won't stand down! I won't let a mere bloodtraitor best me!" Avery muttered, but it was obvious he was shaken and in rather a lot of pain. He lifted his own wand and pointed it between Sirius' eyes, Sirius snarled and grabbed Avery by the front of his robes, he yanked him forward so that their faces were inches apart.

"I may be a bloodtraitor but at least I've got a fucking back bone! At least I'm not an ignorant, stupid little fuck who can't even say boo to his own parents! I have no home, no future…I have nothing to fucking lose, now push me! Go on! Fucking _push me_, I'd love to watch your face as I fuck you up so bad your own mother wouldn't recognise you! DO IT YOU FILTHY COWARD!" Sirius watched in satisfaction as Avery went white, he swallowed and his eyes darted around the room as if searching for back up, but, judging from the soft scuffling sounds he wasn't going to get it. Sirius smirked and released him; he took a step back and folded his arms. "Now, let's try this again shall we? Let me past."

Avery said nothing, merely moving out the way, quickly followed by his friend, Sirius watched them until they were as far away from him as possible before striding into the dorms with false confidence. When he was finally alone he sank onto his bed with shaking knees, he covered his face with his palms and took slow, deep breaths. He still couldn't truly comprehend that he was now poor and had nowhere to go when summer inevitably came around. The idea scared him so badly he could hardly breathe, he felt as if his whole world was crashing down around his ears and he had no idea how he was going to survive. "Don't think about it. Just…just don't." He muttered to himself and slowly lowered his hands so that he was staring across the room at a pile of laundry. He remembered his last moments in Grimmauld Place, how his father had hit him again, how his mother had scratched his face in a screaming fit of terrifying fury. He remembered being shoved into the wall, his father's huge fist curling around his throat as the air was choked from him, he remembered barely being able to cast a quick spell and sending his father flying before he bolted for the door. He remembered slamming the door shut on his mothers hysterical screams, his father's outraged cries as he had dragged his suitcase into the pouring rain and run as fast as his legs could carry him. He had only looked back once before he had called the Night Bus, and the last thing he had seen was the street sign of his old home before he had left it behind forever.

Sirius wrapped his arms around himself, curling into a tight, protective ball as he gave into his dark despair. He rocked slowly back and forth as he hid behind his hair and sobbed into his knees, the darkness overwhelmed him until he couldn't see anything except dark blurs. It was impossible to force away the image of his parent's faces, of their words as he had tried to escape. Their terrible, hurtful insults wormed their way into his heart until they shattered it to thousands of tiny pieces. Not even seeing James again could erase the agony of the utter rejection from his family, it made him feel alone, unloved, unwanted. He was dirty and tainted, filthy and he couldn't ever be clean again. The blood that ran through his veins was filled with madness and he could feel it pulsing through his body like poison, he wanted to remove it, he wanted to tear it from him before it could corrupt him completely but it was impossible. It seemed as if even his intense love for James Potter couldn't ease the stain on his soul, it was in his genes, it was inescapable. He was stuck forever with the memories and fear, he was worthless, he was pathetic, he should have died at birth. His family hated him; people who should have loved and cared for him had rejected him completely, leaving him out in the dark and cold to die.

Hogwarts was no safer than his old home; he couldn't trust anyone outside his tiny sphere of friends. They would only turn against him, they would reject him too and he was certain he wouldn't be able to cope with that. The only people he could fully trust were his friends, Peter, Remus and most of all James. They were his one saving grace, the only people in this dark, terrible world that would ever love him unconditionally. He had no one else. His craving for James increased until he was lying in his bed, holding a pillow so tightly it was tearing in his grip. He buried his face in it and tried to imagine that he was safe and warm wrapped in his lovers arms, he tried to forget the terror of the previous night and slowly he managed to fall into a fitful, nightmare filled sleep.


	16. Friendship to Last

AN: I apologise for the delay in chapter posting, I hope this one makes up for it. Any reviews are always welcome! (The name of this chapter indicates the relationships between Sirius, James, Peter and Lily, just so you are aware). Thank you for all the interest.

**Chapter Fifteen: Friendship to Last**

The rest of the Christmas holidays James spent in a state of heightened apprehension, he ensured that he was near Sirius as often as possible because when he was alone he seemed to be getting himself into more and more fights. Several times he was put into detention for duelling in the corridors, punching his dorm mates or ending up embroiled in a dirty fist fight that ended with blood being spilled. If teachers saw a fight happening they usually stayed to watch until it was over before getting involved and punishing Sirius for something he only occasionally started. James' outrage at the injustice was ignored and no matter what he did he couldn't sway the teachers. Sirius was slowly becoming more withdrawn, more prone to sudden outbursts of intense fury, inanimate objects had a tendency to explode when he was in the vicinity and he was difficult to control. James was the only person in the entire school Sirius would listen to and even then he had to force him to make eye contact, it was draining. James was tired but he didn't give up his protective stance, he wanted to be near just in case Sirius got it into himself to start a fight. He was certain that he was on a mission of self destruction, as if he had lost any sense of self-worth he may once have had, James knew that he had never had much to begin with. Sirius had used his confidence and good looks as a mask to hide the fragile soul within and, until recently, it had worked. Now though his mask had cracked open to reveal just how vulnerable he really was and James was furious that it had been his parents who had done it to him. Their constant abuse, their insults and degradation had destroyed his lover and if James ever saw them he knew what he would like to do to them.

He was so absorbed in what was happening to Sirius that he barely noticed the long absences of Peter, he would disappear and reappear at random times but James gave it no thought. Lily was a great help when he was trying to help Sirius but she didn't know him as well and her attempts to placate him only seemed to make him worse, sometimes he swore at her furiously or tried to threaten her but she stood her ground until he backed down and apologised. James was impressed, normally Sirius' anger terrified most people but Lily didn't seem bothered by it. He admired her in ways he never had before, it was beginning to play on his mind at night when he would fall asleep. He wasn't sure but sometimes he thought that Sirius had noticed his over-long glances at the fiery red head and he would see the pain that crossed his face before he covered it again.

"Useless fucking bloodtraitor!"

The soft hiss came unexpectedly as James, Sirius, Peter and Lily were walking to their next class. Sirius gasped and stumbled, his foot slipping at the top of the stairs but James managed to grab him before he fell down them. "Oi!" Sirius rounded on his attacker, drawing his wand in one fluid movement, fury darkened his face like a thunderstorm and his eyes sparkled. James put his hand on his arm and tried to hold him back but Sirius was beyond reason. "What the fuck was that for?"

The seventh year Slytherin sneered, his friends congregating at his back and giggling. "That was for bringing disgrace to your pure blood, for shaming us."

Sirius' reaction was so fast that James was unable to stop him, he fired a spell at the group of Slytherin's that hit the wall before launching himself at them and punching the boy who had attacked him in the face. The boy gasped and stumbled backwards, he hit the wall and slid down it before Sirius was on him, his fists rising and falling with rapid fire precision. James leapt at him and tried to drag him away but Sirius' flailing fists hit him in the face, smashing his lips against his teeth. He cried out and fell back, holding his mouth as blood poured from his split lip. Sirius heard James' shout and it seemed to bring him back out of the red fog that had descended over his eyes, slowly he turned around and blinked at James before pain crossed his face, replacing the anger. He crouched by James' side and began apologising over and over again as he helped him to his feet.

"Its fine, Sirius, I'm not dying." James muttered in vague irritation, he looked down at his blood stained hands and sighed heavily as he wiped them on his robes. "Come on, we've got Lesson."

"Jamie, I'm sorry." Sirius muttered again, his head hanging low, James noticed that his knuckles were bloodied and he picked up Sirius' hands and inspected them critically. Sirius allowed him to look without so much as a flinch.

"I'm not the only one hurting." James whispered, looking into Sirius' dark eyes, he reached up and brushed hair from his face. "Come on, let's go."

"Hey! You can't just walk away from us! You beat up Shane!"

"Oh fuck off!" Lily shouted, it was so unexpected that James jumped and Sirius' eyes widened. Lily's hands clenched into fists at her sides, her eyes sparkled in fury. "You made the first move; he attacked you because you used a tripping jinx that could have killed him! I think you've had enough punishment for one day but if I see you so much as touch another student again with the intention of hurting them I will make you wish you'd never been born!"

The Slytherin's sneered but made no move towards Lily, her reputation as an accomplished spell caster was well known within the walls of Hogwarts. Any bully who had been caught by her ended up with some horrible disfigurement, James remembered very vividly walking around school with 'Bullying twat' written across his forehead in bright, neon pink letters for a whole week, all because Lily had seen him turn a girls hair into devils horns and made her cry. He smirked, feeling a great swell of affection towards her, he felt Sirius shift at his side and draw away from him a little but his attention was taken up by Lily who was still standing her ground and looking more beautiful than he had ever seen her. Finally she turned and moved closer to Sirius, she reached out to take his hands but he flinched away, hiding them beneath his sleeves. "Sirius, I only want to make sure you haven't broken anything." She said softly.

"No, I'm fine. I don't need help." He muttered, turning away from her and walking down the stair case. "Just leave me alone."

James watched Sirius' retreating back for a moment before turning to Lily. "Thanks, I'm sorry about Sirius…why don't you guys go ahead; I'll make sure he doesn't do anything stupid." Lily nodded, her face flushed a little at Sirius' rebuke but she seemed to understand, James reached out and touched her arm briefly before withdrawing his hand and looking away awkwardly. "Really, thanks for standing up for him…I think he needed to know that people care."

"He knows you care, James." Lily replied and smiled a little as James took off down the stairs after his lover.

Sirius stood before the bathroom mirror and stared blankly at his reflection, he was pale and had dark circles beneath his eyes from all the sleep he had lost recently. His hands shook violently as he turned on the tap and began running the water, he splashed it over his face and gasped at the temperature. Again he looked up and his face twisted, he leaned forward and pressed his forehead against the mirror, squeezing his eyes shut tightly against the glare of the winter sunshine that streamed in through the windows. He heard James' approach long before he turned around, when he did he saw his lover leaning against one of the bathroom stalls and watching him sadly from behind his glasses. Sirius looked away from that pitying gaze, feeling more lost and hopeless than he had since he had first been kicked out of his house.

"Are you going to talk to me or ignore me for the rest of the day?" James asked, watching Sirius pick up a nearby towel and wipe his face dry.

"I don't need or want your pity, Potter, I just want to be alone for a while…can't you give me that?"

"No." James replied softly. "I'm here to help."

"I don't need help." Sirius turned away, staring out of the single window longingly.

"Obviously you do, you've done nothing but try to get yourself killed since you came back. I'm worried about you, we all are."

Sirius snorted derisively, turning so that he looked at James over his shoulder. "You're the only person who gives a fuck about me, James, you know that as well as I do."

"Lily cares, Peter cares and so does Remus…wherever he is."

"Lily doesn't care about anything but you, James. I'm just the person in her way; don't deny that she's changed towards you since the battle. She's been giving you looks and you've been returning them." Sirius' voice was cold and dead sounding, his eyes reflecting nothing but the light from the weak sun outside. "Why would anyone care about me? I'm nothing more than a disappointment; I just end up destroying everything I touch."

"Oh shut up!" James sighed heavily, rubbing at his eyes behind his glasses. "You know I love you, you know I care. Isn't that something to hold onto? Or don't my feelings matter anymore?"

"O-of course they do I just-"

"You just like to think that you're the only person on this planet who's suffering. Well, news flash, I'm suffering too! Every time I see you hurt yourself or do something stupid it hurts me! I hate seeing you trying to destroy yourself all the time. Stop picking unnecessary fights and start using your brain. Everything you do has consequences, if you hurt yourself it's not just you who's hurting, do you understand?"

Sirius looked appropriately mollified and James smiled, he moved forward and wrapped Sirius in his arms, kissing him on the sensitive patch of skin just behind his ear. "You're an idiot, Prongs." Sirius breathed, smiling helplessly into James' neck.

"Yeah, maybe I am but so are you."

XXX

One dreary morning, as the school ate breakfast, James was tapped on the shoulder by Peter who jerked his head towards the Slytherin table where Sirius sat. James followed his gaze and almost dropped his fork as Bellatrix Lestrange swept down upon her cousin with her wicked smile. They conversed for a few moments and Sirius frowned as Bella's two guards grabbed him by the arms and hauled him from his seat. James made to stand but Lily pushed him back into his seat with a shake of her head and a warning glare, he was forced to watch helplessly as Sirius was dragged roughly from the hall, he managed to take one last look back at James and their eyes met briefly before he disappeared beyond the doors. "Where are they taking him?" James asked in concern, his stomach felt tight and uncomfortable and he pushed his plate away from him.

"I don't know." Lily replied softly, returning her eyes back to the table and frowning down at her hands.

"We'll find out tonight." Peter whispered, causing James to look up at him with a frown. "I-er-overheard some Death Eater's talking." He amended quickly, eyeing James to ensure he wasn't suspicious, James nodded slowly and sighed, Peter inwardly let out a breath he had been holding, that had been close. He was lucky that James was so trusting, so eager to believe his friends could do no wrong, it was best that for now he didn't know that he had told Bellatrix about James' illicit relationship with Sirius and that the way to break him completely would be to attack his boyfriend. Gaining the Death Eater's trust had been difficult but he had managed it and sought a meeting with their headmistress who had greeted him happily when she had heard that he was close to Potter, she had assured him that he would be granted immunity from any punishment placed upon his friends and that night he slept better than he had done in months.

XXX

Sirius' first thought as his cousin and her Death Eater cronies dragged him out of the castle and towards the Quidditch Pitch was 'James is going to be furious'. The pitch was virtually unrecognisable, the huge stands were still there, with their tiers of seats and familiar creaking wood but the goal posts had been removed and the pitch itself had been destroyed utterly. What lay in its place was a deep hole with steep sides, Sirius was dragged to the edge and he peered down, momentarily hit by brief moment of vertigo. The floor wasn't so far down it was invisible and he could clearly see that there was something down there already, what appeared to be a pile of rags lay at the bottom of the pit. Sirius frowned and returned his gaze back to his cousin. "What is going on?"

"Well, dear, I thought that you would appreciate a visit to your friend…the werewolf." Sirius' eyes widened and he returned his gaze back to the pile of rags, now he was looking closer he could clearly see that it was moving.

"Remus! You mean he's…he's alive?"

"Indeed, why would we want to kill him when he will be such an excellent teaching aide?" Bella laughed softly and moved closer to Sirius as his guards backed away, Sirius' feet were at the very edge of the pit, he could feel the tug of the fall in the back of his neck and tried to avoid showing fear. "Tonight, Sirius, is the full moon…do you know what that means?" Sirius shook his head, unable to speak as his mouth had gone completely dry. "Your class is in dire need of some re-education on the dangers of Werewolves; you are all far too naive. I intend to show you all just how dangerous these animals can be and you, dear, sweet little cousin, will help me in this."

Realisation dawned on him too slowly; before he could react Bella dipped her hand inside his robes and withdrew his wand. In one fluid movement she pushed him in the chest, his foot slipped, a soft gasp escaped his lips and gravity took over. He was weightless for a few moments before the hard ground rose up to meet his body, he cried out as he rolled down the side of the pit and hit the bottom with a yelp and a thud. He lay still, his heart hammering in his ears as he heard Bella laughing down at him, his hands clenched into tight fists until her laughter died away.


	17. The Wolf and The Dog

AN: Well, I hope you enjoy this action packed chapter. I loved writing these scenes, it was fun! Thank you all for sticking with me this far, I hope I continue to entertain you for as long as this story lasts.

**Chapter Sixteen: The Wolf and The Dog**

His body ached as he lay in the dirt, his back throbbed where it he had slammed into the side of the pit on his way down and his head blasted him with so much pain he was seeing red. Slowly, with many groans and curses, Sirius managed to roll himself over so that he was gazing up at the dull grey sky framed by the pit walls and Quidditch stands. He could feel hot blood trickling down the side of his face from where he had hit his head on a rock, his eyesight blurred with unshed tears of pain and his hands, knees and lower back throbbed in time with each breath. He could taste blood in his mouth and spat to clear it, crimson spittle congealed in the mud by the side of his head and he closed his eyes, a part of him hoping he had broken his back and would die.

"It can't be…"

The voice forced Sirius to open his eyes and struggle to sit up; warm, familiar arms surrounded him, helping into a sitting position. He found himself face to face with an emaciated Remus, warmth flooded him until he could barely contain the small smile of pleasure at seeing his friends face again. "Moony…" He croaked, spitting yet more blood to the ground.

"Padfoot! I-I…I thought you were dead! They told me you'd died! Oh thank Merlin!" He grabbed Sirius in wasted arms, pulling him into a surprisingly strong embrace, pain flared in Sirius' back and he winced, sucking in breath through his teeth but refusing to release his death grip on his old friend.

"Everyone's so worried about you!" Sirius replied weakly as they disengaged their hug, he stared at Remus for a long, hard moment, taking in his greying hair, his thin face and dark, empty eyes. "You look like hell."

"Thanks." Remus gave him a familiarly sardonic grin. "You don't look much better yourself."

"Well, being thrown into a dark pit would have that effect even on my good looks." Sirius replied with a soft, half hearted chuckle.

"How are James and Peter?" Remus asked, concern obvious in his pale face.

"Oh, James and Peter are fine." Sirius assured him. "James is still fighting the good fight, which is why I'm down here I suspect. They can't really kill James anymore because then he'd become a martyr and that's the last thing they want, so they're attacking everyone he's close to instead, trying to destroy him that way…it's probably going to work too."

Reality made Remus' smile evaporate, he sat back on his haunches in his tattered robes and gazed at Sirius as if he were a ghost. "They want me to kill you tonight, is that what you're saying?"

"Seems so." Sirius replied softly, struggling to his feet, gasping as more pain lanced through his battered body. "My parents would gain no end of joy to know that I'm about to be torn to shreds by one of my best mates."

Remus pondered their impossible situation, his eyes moving around the pit as if searching for a way out, which he knew, from his time down here, was impossible. The walls were far too steep to climb, there was no other way in or out other than up or down. "Do you have a wand?"

"No, Bella took mine from me before she threw me down here." Sirius replied tightly, leaning heavily against the wall with his eyes closed, his shoulders hunched and his arm gripping his side where he was probably going to get a huge bruise. "There's nothing I can do, I'm going to die down here."

"No. No I won't let you." Remus insisted, shaking his head quickly as he rose to his own feet and began scouring the walls for a way to get Sirius out before night descended. "You're not going to die, Sirius, especially not by my hand. I won't kill you."

"Has the wolf ever listened to you?"

Remus paused, curling his shaking hands into fists as he turned around to see Sirius watching him with haunted eyes, what had he seen that had made him give up so quickly? Why did he look as if his world had been ripped apart? "No, you know it hasn't." Remus replied quietly, defeat hovering at the edge of his words and Sirius smiled a little, he slumped down to sit against the wall and went still.

"Then, we've got no choice but to wait for the inevitable." Sirius buried his face in his knees and wrapped his arms around them, Remus watched as his shoulders began to tremble and his weak walls broke down to reveal the true depths of his terror and pain. "I don't want to die…not like this…" He muttered softly and Remus moved towards him, sitting at his side and tentatively placing a hand on his shoulder, he said nothing, merely staring at his prison walls with despair etched into every line of his face. "What have they been doing to you down here?" Sirius asked after a long moment of silence, he lifted his head enough to peer curiously at his friend who lowered his own.

"They curse me sometimes when they're bored, they enjoy watching my pain. During the full moon they all stand around to watch as I change, they laugh at me…they spit at me…they insult me…I-I…I've never felt so much hatred before."

"I'm sorry." Sirius whispered, his face twisting as he leaned against Remus, offering what little comfort he could give. "If only I'd done something…maybe…maybe if I hadn't been so involved in my own selfish little world I could have found you a-and rescued you. Remus, forgive me."

"There's nothing to forgive, the place is surrounded by strong enchantments and no students are allowed outside the castle walls anymore. You'd have put yourself in danger."

Sirius snorted derisively. "I'm in more danger now than I ever was before." He replied darkly.

Remus had no argument for that so he remained silent, above them the sun rode across the sky, hidden by grey clouds that hung low in the air. Sirius shivered and tried to wrap his torn robes tighter around his body, it didn't help much. "I think it might snow." Remus whispered absently, his eyes on the sky.

"I like snow." Sirius muttered, shuffling further into his friend's side to attempt to share body heat. His words took on a physical, misty form as they left his lips and the cold bit into his flesh like tiny, frozen knives. "Snow's pretty…do you remember that huge snowball fight we had in third year?"

Remus smiled at the memory. "Yes, didn't you hit McGonagall with a huge snowball?"

"Yeah, I'd enchanted it to change colour and everything, it was magnificent." Sirius sighed, a lazy half-smile on his lips as he shivered violently and looked up at the sky. "I was shit scared she'd give me detention but instead she sent a small army of snowmen after me, they pelted me with snow until I apologised."

"That was an unexpected turn of events." Remus agreed amiably. "I remember our first Christmas here; James had to send several letters to his parents insisting that he wanted to stay over for the holidays because his mum wanted him home."

"That was the first time we snuck into Hogsmeade, wasn't it?"

"Yes." Remus chuckled lightly, anyone would have thought from their tone that they were merely two young boys speaking of fond memories rather than hours away from the worst night of their lives. "You got sick because you ate so many sweets and Madam Pomfrey refused to treat you because she said it was self inflicted."

"I was dying and the woman treated me as if I was having her on!" Sirius sighed, shaking his head.

"James went out of his mind with worry until Pomfrey told him it was just tummy ache from too many sweets."

Sirius' smile brightened at the memory of eleven year old James, stood at his bedside and fretting over his condition, insisting that Sirius had been poisoned. Of course Pomfrey was right, he had blown nearly all his money on sweets so that his furious mother had refused to send him anymore until the next month. That had been his best Christmas, the first one he had ever spent somewhere where he wasn't treated like an inconvenience or shouted at for no reason, a Christmas he could fully be himself and know that no matter what he was loved and appreciated and needed. He craved to return to those blissful days, when Hogwarts had been a true home to him, when he was free and found laughter so much easier. He wanted to be able to climb into bed with James on a cold night, curl up at his side and hold hands as dawn touched the horizon, he wanted to steal bunches of mistletoe and trap James in empty class rooms just so that he could kiss him. He wanted to wake up to a bed full of presents, laughter and mad wrapping paper fights that ended with them all in a heap, panting and giggling like five year olds. He missed those days and as he closed his eyes, allowing himself to fall back into sweet memories, he hoped that the cold would kill him.

Sirius woke slowly, his mind foggy and disorientated. His whole body was numb, his movements sluggish. Somewhere, seemingly far away, he could hear the soft drone of voices, he groaned and tried to move again but pain shot down his arms. He decided that moving was not the best thing to do and lay still, his body was shivering violently but for some reason he didn't feel particularly cold, perhaps he had warmed up in his sleep? Another voice, this one much closer, buzzed in his ears and he tried to push it away, his arm waved vaguely in the direction of that voice but something hard shook him.

"Sirius, Sirius wake up." Remus' panicked voice finally seeped into Sirius' slow brain.

"Wha?" He forced his eyes open to find himself looking up at the sky, soft white flakes were falling and covering his violently shivering body. "…Pretty…" He mumbled thickly.

"You're as cold as death." Remus gasped, frowning in concern as he tried to force Sirius to move. "Come on, get up, people are coming…its getting dark…please, Sirius, _move_!"

"Moony…lea'me 'lone…sleepy…" Sirius pushed at Remus' hand weakly, letting his eyes fall closed again. It was so much easier to lie still, to listen to that soporific drone of voices high above him, he didn't want to move, why would he move when he could immerse himself dreams of a sunlit past?

"Hypothermia…it had to be hypothermia! Merlin, why? Why does it have to be like this?!" Remus' shaky voice cracked a little as he tried to pick his friend up off the floor, he couldn't allow Sirius to die here, not at his hands. He wouldn't kill his best friend; he would never be able to live with himself if he did. Agony tore through his body and he cried out, dropping Sirius' dead weight and falling to his hands and knees, he took in a huge gulp of frigid air into his burning lungs and slowly looked up at the sky. "No…no…no…not now! NOT YET! Please, please Sirius…get up…get away from me-ahhhh!" He curled up, grabbing his stomach as white-hot fire spread through his body.

Remus' scream of agony seemed to reach into a part of Sirius' brain that nothing else had, he opened his eyes again, gazing up at the blurry sky and slowly he forced his numb body to listen to his demands. He sat upright, a wave of dizziness swept over him and made his stomach twist painfully, he turned and gasped as the world spun crazily. After a moment he wiped his mouth on his sleeve and blinked rapidly, trying to focus, he turned to see Remus curled into a tight ball and whimpering. His nails dug deep furrows into the slick mud, his whole body was wracked by painful looking spasms and he cried out repeatedly in stuttered gasps. It took Sirius too long to realise what was happening, somewhere above a desperate scream of terror rocked the air, he looked up to see figures moving about, soft, cruel laughter as one of the figures made to dive towards the pit. "SIRIUS! SIRIUS! NO! NO GET OFF OF ME! LET GO! SIRIUS! SIRIUS PLEASE!" James' voice rang through Sirius' head like a gong, making it ache and set his teeth on edge; slowly he forced himself to his feet, using the steep, slick walls to help him. He stumbled but somehow managed to catch himself on a jutting ledge of rock, he groaned as more pain sliced through his body, his back throbbing, his head aching and his forehead dripping sweat. He knew that he should have been cold but somehow he wasn't and he used the heat burning inside his body to force himself to move.

He saw a place where the sides of the pit weren't so steep, it was silly but he tried to climb it anyway. The mud was slick beneath his grasping fingers, his feet failed to find purchase on anything and he kept sliding down back to the floor. Remus' screams of agony tore at his attention, demanding that he look back, but he ignored the desire, instead concentrating all his effort on trying to get himself higher. He had to survive. He couldn't allow Remus to have his blood on his hands and he refused to allow James to see him die, he couldn't leave him all alone, Sirius understood how loneliness could destroy a person.

He thought, briefly, of transforming into Padfoot but remembered the silver bracelet that suppressed his ability. Cursing in a rough, cracked voice he continued to climb, only to slide back down again. He was caked in mud, his body shuddered and his arms and legs screamed in protest, finally the world fell silent. It felt as if everything was holding its breath, as if time itself had stopped, slowly Sirius turned his head. Stood behind him was a huge wolf, he remembered it from the day he and his friends would visit the Shrieking Shack and turn into animals to ease their friend's transformation. However, the wolf was now lean, he could see the deep dip in his stomach where once it had been fat and healthy. Its amber eyes were hungry, this wolf had been trapped, starved and abused and now there was a plump, tasty looking human in its prison, it wasn't going to allow this prey to get away. Sirius swallowed the terror that threatened to engulf him as the wolf took a few steps closer, scenting the air and watching him to see what he would do. Sirius had the urge to run but he had nowhere to go, nowhere to hide. His escape was futile, a deep sense of hopelessness overwhelmed him and he slowly let himself slide to the floor where he sat and stared with wrapt awe at the massive beast as it lowered its head and began to growl. "Remus…it's not your fault." Sirius whispered, hoping that his friend was still in there somewhere and hoping that he wouldn't blame himself for Sirius' death.

"SIRIUS! RUN!"

Sirius looked up, he spotted James on his knees at the edge of the pit, his face a mask of fear, his hands digging deep into the wet soil. He returned his eyes to the wolf who had been momentarily distracted by James' shout, Sirius pushed himself up and ran. It was pointless, he was only giving his cousin more entertainment before his inevitable death, but James had asked him to run and so run he did. The wolf turned, snapping at the tail end of his robes and ripping the hem to shreds. Sirius stumbled, gasping as his face hit the deep mud, he came up, spitting it from his mouth as he forced himself to stand and continue running.

Above him in the stands people gasped, squealed in horror and some even laughed. Sirius tried to shut them out but it was difficult when his mind was still so hazy. He fell again, this time tripping on a rock protruding from the earth like a bone, he picked it up and turned to see the wolf running full pelt after him, pink tongue lolling and vicious, cursed teeth bared. Sirius narrowed his eyes and threw the rock, it didn't do anything save to distract the wolf enough for him to get another tiny head start. His heart pounded, he could hear blood rushing through his ears and his breathing was coming in great whooping gasps. Occasionally he was forced to cough, bending double until the fit passed before running on again but this time the wolf decided he was done playing chase. As Sirius ran towards the left side of the pit something solid and furry hit him hard in the side, the breath left his lungs in a whoosh and he hit the wall of the pit with a loud thud. Agony sliced through his side, making him cry out weakly as he slipped to the floor, he thought he had maybe cracked a rib as breathing was incredibly painful. His vision wavered, the colour leeching from the world before returning slowly once again, he looked up at the sky, trying to breath and feeling as if he were slowly suffocating on his own pain. He couldn't move. He couldn't run another step. He was beyond exhausted, he was sick and his ribs killed him with each breath he took. It was over.

Despite the fact that Sirius was injured and on the verge of giving up completely when the wolf's head came into his line of vision he still covered his face with his arms. It was an automated response that he had no control over but the wolf didn't seem to care, its jaws opened and he made to bite down on Sirius' exposed arm, ready to tear it out the way to get at his vulnerable throat. Those huge jaws closed around the silver bracelet on Sirius' wrist, the metal tasted strange to the wolf who clamped his jaws down harder until the metal shattered. He yelped as shards went into his mouth, he pulled away leaving Sirius' arm uninjured except for a few scratches from the metal. He staggered backwards, shaking his huge head violently as he spat out chunks of silver. Sirius gasped as he realised what this meant, he lowered his arms and his form rippled.

XXX

James watched the battle going on down below, his hands shaking as he waited with baited breath for Sirius' life to be extinguished. The wolf had him cornered, it went for his arm but something strange happened, it jerked backwards, growling and yelping and shaking its head as if it had tasted something nasty or come into contact with the spines of a hedgehog. A second later and Sirius' body shimmered, his form rippling oddly until in his place sat an injured, weakened black dog. James let out an involuntary whoop of delight; he leapt to his feet and punched the air in excitement. "THAT'S IT SIRIUS YOU SHOW THESE BASTARDS!" He shouted and watched the dog climb to his feet; he swayed but somehow managed to find his balance in time for the wolf to notice him. Everyone seemed confused by the sudden change but eventually the students watching seemed to put two and two together and very soon people began cheering, excited chatter replaced the terrified silence, people began exclaiming how clever it was that Sirius had hidden such a wonderful feat of magical ability from them all. They wondered how Sirius had managed to achieve such a thing at such a young age, why he had done and how brilliant it was that he was now immune to Lycanthropy. Very soon the chatter died down as more and more people began to notice that the wolf's demeanour had changed.

"They're interacting!"

"Look at that, that's amazing, do they recognise each other?"

"Are they greeting one another?"

"Wow, look, they're cleaning each other's ears! That's brilliant!"

James laughed, more in relief than humour. Sirius was safe; the wolf recognised Padfoot as pack. He looked up at the stands where Lily was sitting, white faced but smiling, with all the other muggleborns. Their eyes met and she arched an eyebrow in silent question; _Can you do it to? _James merely smirked mysteriously in response.


	18. Divided We Fall

AN: I am so sorry about the late update! I just got caught up in my own original story and had to pause in my fanfic writing! I hope this chapter makes up for the long absence, please enjoy and I absolutely THRIVE on reviews, I write for your enjoyment and it's comforting to know that I'm entertaining you all!

**Chapter Seventeen: Divided We Fall**

James hovered at the edge of the small crowd of people that surrounded Sirius' Hospital Wing bed, the group included Slytherin's head of house, Professor Slughorn and Bellatrix Lestrange who had a bored and disinterested look on her beautiful face. James was studiously ignored but he managed to get glimpses of Sirius through the ring of bodies, he saw steam coming from his ears from the Pepper Up potion he had been given to counteract his exposure to the cold. He sat still, a blanket wrapped around his shoulders and his head lowered as the people around him talked softly about all that they had witnessed.

"So, cousin, you are an illegal Animagus?" Bellatrix said softly, looking down at her bedraggled, injured relative. Sirius made no reply, not even glancing up to acknowledge that he had heard her, she grabbed his jaw angrily, forcing his head up so that they made eye contact. James stepped forward, pushing Slughorn out of his way angrily.

"Don't do that! Can't you see he's hurt? Just leave him alone until he's recovered!"

"Shut up, Traitor! You have no right to even be here, return to your common room!" One of Bella's cronies hissed, taking James firmly by the upper arm and trying to push him towards the door, James shook himself free and stepped back.

"I won't leave him, not now, not ever!" He declared hotly, scanning the small crowd through narrowed eyes. "You'll have to tie me up and drag me away-" He was cut off abruptly as someone grabbed his sleeve, he looked down at Sirius who, still refusing to look up, shook his head slowly.

"Just go, Jamie, I'll be fine." He muttered in a blank, hoarse voice. He used his free hand to clutch at the blanket around his shoulders and huddled in on himself, releasing James' robes and falling silent again.

"There, he said it, let's go, Traitor." The man grabbed James and hauled him roughly towards the door, he opened it and pushed him into the cold corridor, slamming the door shut in James' face.

Bella cleared her throat and once again forced Sirius to meet her gaze, those silvery eyes were as dark as storm clouds and as empty as if a Dementor had sucked out his soul. "Explain what happened, Sirius." She demanded quietly.

Sirius shrugged listlessly, averting his eyes to stare at an empty vase. "I'm an Animagus, I did it to try and help Remus with his transformations."

"Yes, we heard from the Werewolves who tried to attack before the battle, they admitted that they had been stopped by a boy who could turn into a dog. What I really wish to know is how you managed to transform when your bracelet should have prevented it."

"The wolf broke it, it's cursed teeth broke the spell so it shattered." Sirius muttered numbly. "I would have died had it not been for that."

Bella seemed relieved, she smiled and patted Sirius on the head. "Then we must remake your bracelet and ensure that something like this never happens again."

Sirius looked up, confusion written plainly across his face. "You're not going to kill me?" He asked.

"Not yet, dear, you are far too valuable to us alive. I have a new plan that will hopefully render your lover powerless and ensure that neither of you attempt any sort of rebellion, ever again. For now, rest, then I want you in my office as soon as you are healed." She turned away and Sirius watched her go with a sick sense of dread sitting heavily in his gut.

XXX

"Well, at least now we know where they're keeping Remus and that he's alive." James said softly from where he lay on one of the sofas in the common room. He swung one leg lazily back and forth as he gazed up at the ceiling with one arm behind his head. "Now all we have to do is come up with a fool proof plan to try and help him escape."

"But that's suicide!" Peter exclaimed, watery blue eyes wide in his pale face. "You'd be killed before you even got near him."

"Perhaps, but I couldn't live with myself if I didn't at least try." James sighed and rubbed at his tired eyes behind his glasses, his silver bracelet flashed in the light from the dying fire. "We've spent a good portion of our time here at Hogwarts planning elaborate pranks; I think we can come up with something brilliant for helping Moony escape." He sent Peter a confident grin who didn't return it. "Then we can try and rally the other students, try and bring them together and make them realise that we outnumber the adults and it's about time we fought. We need to start a real rebellion, something that will go down in Hogwarts history. I am sick and tired of just sitting around and waiting, I think maybe it's time I made the first move. I'm sure Sirius will help."

"Don't be so certain, I saw him earlier going up to the Headmistresses office, he looked beaten. I think he's probably given up."

"Nah, Sirius wouldn't do that." James replied with instant confidence, his voice rang with complete faith in Sirius and it made Peter want to punch some sense into him.

"You don't know how persuasive they can really be, James, they're going to use him to get to you, you realise this don't you?"

James paused for a heartbeat before nodding, turning his head so that he was looking at Peter. "I know, but I also know that Sirius would die before ever hurting me, as would any of you. I trust you all implicitly, Peter. We're mates." He smiled again, a bright expression full of childish innocence and confidence in his friends. Peter watched him for a long moment, James' faith was idiotic and it would, in the end, be his downfall.

The flames crackled, the heat was soporific and James was on the very edge of sleep when someone shook him awake gently, his eyes snapped open and he found himself gazing up into a pretty face framed by dark, auburn hair. Lily smiled and moved back as James sat up. "I just encountered Sirius outside; he wants to talk to you." She said, smiling as James yawned widely.

"Ok, 'm up." He said and slid off the sofa, he straightened out his robes and, as he passed a nearby mirror, Lily smirked as he paused to mess up his hair. At the portrait hole he paused again and looked back over his shoulder at her. "I'm a Stag, by the way." He said and grinned before leaving Lily standing by the fire with a bemused expression on her face as she pondered his rather cryptic words.

Sirius was leaning against the wall when James came out to meet him, when he saw him he smiled as James ran into his arms and they embraced. Sirius lifted his hands and pushed them into his lovers messy hair, he pressed their foreheads together and sighed softly as his eyes closed and he enjoyed the brief moment of intimacy. "Pads…" James sighed, the words barely a breath of air that brushed Sirius' skin. "I thought I was going to lose you."

"You didn't, that's all that matters." Sirius replied, giving James a chaste kiss on the corner of his mouth as he pulled away to look at him closely. "Come on, let's go somewhere more private." He whispered and took hold of James' hand, leading him down the corridor.

They entered the first empty class room they came across, Sirius dragged James eagerly through the door, grey eyes sparkling mischievously and a tiny smirk lighting his features. James kicked the door closed with one foot as he allowed himself to be pushed roughly into the wall, hot lips claimed his and soft hands slid beneath his robes to rest just over his rapidly beating heart. He lifted his arms and wrapped Sirius in a tight embrace, unwilling to let him go for fear that he would disappear into mist. He knew that he had to devise a plan to help Remus escape and then begin to spread the word about a full scale rebellion within the student body but for now all he could think of was Sirius' body pressed so close to his, his demanding lips, his soft, stuttering breaths and his racing heart. After a long moment James pushed Sirius back, accidentally making him stumble on the hem of his robes, James grabbed his hand and apologised before shoving him backwards onto a desk. Sirius moaned heavily as James' tongue found his throat, his head fell backwards, exposing the pale flesh for his lover to devour with ever increasing passion. Sirius whispered his name softly, dragging his head back up with both hands buried deep into his hair, he gazed into those bright hazel eyes for a long time before smiling softly again and kissing him gently, his wicked tongue darting out to tease James' lips before disappearing again. He listened intently to James' groans of frustrated arousal, grinning happily to himself as he immersed himself into their activities.

"Merlin…S-Sirius…s-stop teasing you bloody git." James whispered against Sirius' mouth, pushing his tongue between his lips with a triumphant chuckle, muffled slightly by the fact that Sirius returned the kiss with equal ferocity. James pulled lightly on a handful of Sirius' hair, gaining an extremely satisfying gasp in response, he smirked devilishly again and allowed his other hand to delve beneath Sirius' robes. His hand was shaking in his extreme excitement so unzipping the fly of his trousers was far more difficult that he had first thought it would be, he cursed softly, Sirius cutting him off at random intervals to pull him into more deep, intense kisses. "F-fuck…I missed…you…bastard…"

"Mmm, I know." Sirius replied, finally losing patience with James' irritating fumbling, he sighed and reached down between their bodies to unzip his own fly, all the while he kept eye contact with James and smiled as he took his lovers hand and guided it to exactly where he needed it most. "Fuck me until I forget." He breathed and James responded eagerly.

Later they lay together upon the cold stone floor on a pile of their crumpled clothes, Sirius put his arm around James' waist, leaning close and brushing his lips against the sensitive flesh just behind his ear. He closed his eyes and sighed in satisfaction, a tiny smile playing across his mouth. "I'd die for you, Jamie, you know that right?" He muttered, running his fingers over his lovers exposed chest and making him shiver.

"I know." James replied, turning his head so that he could lock eyes with Sirius, he lifted a hand and brushed his fringe from his forehead, kissing the place his fingers lingered. "We're going to be together forever, I promise."

Sirius chuckled darkly. "Don't make promises you can't keep, I'm not stupid enough to think that I'm going to live a long time. Our family have a way of dying off."

"You'll live, I'll make sure of it, Padfoot."

"Prongs, I wish I could have your faith." Sirius closed his eyes as James began slowly kissing his way down his face, one hand holding his gently in place.

"Don't be ridiculous, we're going to be fine. We'll get out of this alive and we'll eventually be able to live together in peace."

"We'll grow old together?"

"Yeah…We'll have a cat."

"I hate cats."

"Ok, no cat. We'll live in a small cottage in the middle of some woods, we'll spend our days arguing about who's turn it is to do the washing up, we'll have parties to end all parties. We'll transform into Padfoot and Prongs and go playing in the woods, we'll live out our days in peace and quiet."

Sirius smiled at the mental imagery, despite the fact that it was exceedingly difficult for him to ever imagine himself as an old man. "And we'll adopt a kid or two." He mumbled, almost purring as James' lips tended his skin. "Padfoot and Prongs junior." His fingers entwined with James' who giggled from somewhere by Sirius' belly button. "And we'll get matching tattoos, a paw print and a hoof print. We'll send our kids to Hogwarts and watch them grow up happy and content. We'll love them like my parents never loved me."

"I can't imagine being a dad." James replied absently, resting his head on Sirius' stomach and closing his eyes as he listened to him breathing. "It's a weird thought. Do you think about that kind of thing a lot?"

Sirius paused as he considered how to answer. "Well, sometimes. Especially when I was living at Grimmauld Place, I'd lie there at night and swear to myself that if I ever had kids I'd never treat them that badly. I'd always love them. I'd respect their wishes, let them grow how they want to grow and protect them to the best of my ability."

"You'd be a great dad, Sirius. You're nothing like your parents, I promise."

Sirius looked down at him, a strange look in his eyes. "Really?"

"Of course, I don't fall in love with bad people." James grinned and Sirius felt his face answering helplessly. Emotion welled up inside him, threatening to suffocate him if he didn't find some kind of release for it, he pulled James up to his lips and kissed him hard on the mouth.

"I love you James Potter, I always will."

XXX

James returned to the common room with a silly grin plastered on his face, he was so full of his time spent with Sirius that for a moment he failed to notice the tension in the room as he stepped in through the portrait hole. He blinked as he slowly realised everyone was staring at him, he felt his heart skip a beat as dread sank into his belly like a weight. "What happened?" He asked, fear making his insides twist painfully.

"Potter, don't freak out…" One boy said slowly, holding up both his hands in a placating gesture. He looked nervous.

"What happened?" James repeated, his fear growing rapidly.

"They took her James!" Peter said from his place by the fire, shadows danced across his face so James found it hard to make out his expression.

"Who took who?" he asked, eyes scanning the small crowd of scared Gryffindor's.

"The Death Eaters took Lily." A girl muttered from a nearby table. "We don't know what they're going to do with her but they knocked her out and took her wand from her."

"What?" James' whole body felt oddly numb as he stared around the room, his eyes finally landing on Peter and staying there.

"They came and took Lily, they said they needed her for another special lesson." Peter said slowly, his voice shaking a little. "They also said that…that they had managed to get you out of the way so that you didn't interfere."

"They didn't get me out of the way, Sirius wanted-" James broke off, his voice seeming to dry up as his throat tightened painfully. "No." He whispered, his voice hoarse and broken as an idea slowly occurred to him. "No. No. He wouldn't! He would never d-do something like that! Sirius wouldn't-"

"James, use your head!" Peter snapped, making James blink at him in surprise. "Sirius is a Black, one of the oldest pureblood families in Britain! He was raised purely to take on the role of heir to his house, he was brainwashed from a baby to believe in all the things He Who Must Not Be Named talks about. His own cousin has taken Remus and is using him as entertainment!"

"But…but he wouldn't." James stuttered, denying it despite the overwhelming evidence. "I don't believe it! He just wanted to be with me…he said he would die for me!"

Peter shook his head sadly, stepping away from the fire and putting a hand on his friends arm. "Did you know that Sirius was jealous of Lily?" He asked softly, gazing intently into James' white face while the crowd watched on in silence.

"Y-yes but-"

"He was jealous of her because you liked her, he wanted to keep you all to himself. Didn't you notice how cold he was towards you whenever she was around? It was obvious even to complete strangers. He wants her gone, his jealousy has got the better of him. The faster you accept that the quicker you can get rid of him, he's dangerous James."

James felt his knees go weak, he stumbled into a nearby chair and stared blankly into the fire. He reviewed everything Sirius had said to him that night, he thought about how passionate he had been, how intense. He remembered the strange look in his eyes as he had smiled up at him, almost as if there was something else there, something dangerous-but no, he couldn't believe it. He refused to believe that Sirius had just allowed Lily to be taken from right under James' protection, to be used in yet another twisted 'lesson'. He wouldn't allow himself to distrust his friends, especially Sirius Black, especially the boy he had so recently been talking about growing old together with.


End file.
